THE VICE GUIDE TO ATLANTA
 Some southern towns make you feel like you’re in another time. When you’re in Mobile or Charleston with all the Spanish moss hanging from the live oaks, or New Orleans with all the ghetto voodoo vibes, you really feel like there’s something to that whole southern-gothic mystique. Atlanta isn’t like that. Everything in Atlanta that wasn’t stuccoed together last year looks like it was probably built in the 70s and designed by the federal government. The metro area is crisscrossed by massive concrete freeways right out of The Terminator and populated by clustered suburbs that are as bland as any the USA has to offer. The projects have huge walls around them to keep the poor people caged and out of view. The traffic is hilariously bad. The “counterculture” neighborhood is home to a giant strip mall with a Target and a Bed Bath & Beyond. Every aspect of Atlanta is so tailored to cater to big business you could probably convince them to knock down MLK’s house if you could squeeze a CarMax in there. It’s like the entire city has a Sherman complex.
Don’t take this to mean there is not shit happening here. In the same way that the soul-crushing tedium of places like Southern California and suburban DC pushed hardcore into existence, all the sterile sap that permeates Atlanta makes carving out little pockets of real life an absolute necessity. This was certainly the situation when me and my friends decided to strike out from the suburbs in our teens. There was no problem with cultural overload like kids from more vibrant cities talk about experiencing. If anything, you had to work to build up a strong enough current to carry you away.
It has carried a lot of people away, too. I’ve watched for years as new life continually springs up. One shithole, BYOB space shuts down and another one takes its place. There will always be some dumb motherfucker who is willing to dump his money, liver, and sanity in the crapper purely for the sake of keeping Atlanta crunk.
And it makes perfect sense. If you were consigned to vacuuming carpets at Best Buy and living in a ghetto with a literal fucking barbed-wire fence around it, wouldn’t you do everything you could to create some scene where you and your pals felt cool and free and excited about living? Atlanta is a city of transplants. A lot of the people I know grew up in places like Covington or Dalton. Trust me, these are nightmare towns. These folks had to make something out of Atlanta. It was their only shot.
It’s the people like them that continue to make Atlanta worthwhile, even as generation after generation of complainers proclaims another set of “good old days” dead and gone. The shit that comes out of Atlanta is simple, easy to understand, and frequently really fucking good. There are no venerated cultural institutions drawing the youth there. Kids don’t move to Atlanta to go to art school or become actors or models. The kinds of kids that move to Atlanta are last-ditchers, real honest-to-God “do or die” types. A lot of them actually have died, but those that persist in doing are some of the best.
JACK HINES
See all articles by this contributor Anonymous, on Nov 6, 2009 wrote:
The Black Keys suck. Lips. Kids. Whatever. | | Anonymous, on Jul 11, 2009 wrote:
Wow. Nailed that shit. | |
| swaineflu, on Jul 10, 2009 wrote:
the dude that wrote this article is jack hines who used to play guitar for the black lips. i think he would know atl pretty well... | | Anonymous, on Jul 9, 2009 wrote:
geoffard says atlanta blows. | | Anonymous, on Jul 1, 2009 wrote:
the writer seems conflicted or bi-polar. i have lived in atlanta since ’95. i have seen AMAZING concerts, great art shows and have gone to cool festivals. whatever you want in atlanta, it is here. strip malls & all. i will say this, atlanta is tightly knit. you don’t just show up & are welcomed with open arms like in other places. but once they do, good times, house parties and such are sure to follow. i love atlanta. it isn’t an utopia but it’s home. so put that in your crystal/meth pipe & smoke it!! :D | | Anonymous, on May 31, 2009 wrote:
actually its OK-- really...
that fucking strip mall is not really in L5P you know... just close-- and its built so badly itull look like shit in no time-- that make yer little alt pecker jump for joy... | | Anonymous, on May 26, 2009 wrote:
who the fuck cares. it’s atlanta. i can’t wait to move out but i will sure miss the hell out of it when i do. article pretty much nails it. i got a copy and lost it at scion fest. FILA. but until then--fuck atlanta. | | Anonymous, on Apr 21, 2009 wrote:
"Overall I think Atlanta is dull, boring and full of "I think I am the shit/wannabe people""
welcome to earth, dude. | | Anonymous, on Apr 21, 2009 wrote:
I’ve been in this city 3 years and I find it to have lots of contrasts in every way. From the latest technology to the most basic procedures. There is a great mix of people, then again I find it very racist. Overall I think Atlanta is dull, boring and full of "I think I am the shit/wannabe people" | | Anonymous, on Apr 21, 2009 wrote:
Probably like the author, I used to sneak down to Little 5 Points from the suburbs as a teenager. Now I live in Little 5 (near the giant strip mall - which is quite convenient!). Atlanta is fantastic if you know where to live, where to go. Loved this review Jack! | | Anonymous, on Apr 20, 2009 wrote:
Atlanta completely sucks | | Anonymous, on Apr 10, 2009 wrote:
I think this article nails it. To that dude who commented that "seems that there is a weird love hate thing going on"... yeah, that’s what most people in Atlanta feel like. Fuckin’ blows. But it’s still Atlanta. | | Anonymous, on Apr 8, 2009 wrote:
The writer didn’t do his research? He probably lived there longer than you, dick. | | Anonymous, on Apr 8, 2009 wrote:
I have lived here for 10 years and love it. The crime is getting to me, but the people, culture, and food are awesome. Plus, crime is everywhere. I have never had to deal with the traffic much. I choose to live, work, and play in the same general area of town. | | Anonymous, on Apr 8, 2009 wrote:
I’ve lived out here for 5 months... This place blows! | | Anonymous, on Apr 8, 2009 wrote:
"And please, PLEASE, never call us the NY of the south."
Georgia’s official nickname has been the "Empire State of the South" since before you were born. | | Anonymous, on Apr 8, 2009 wrote:
"I dont think that the guy should be ripping on "some dumb motherfucker" for firing up another bar. At least these guys are trying to make a difference or at least create a place to go to."
read more carefully: He’s not ripping on them, just saying it’s a fool’s errand. I bet every "atlantan" griping about this piece has lived there less than a year. | | Anonymous, on Apr 8, 2009 wrote:
wow. nice way to use the word gay in such a derogatory manner. you’re horrible. | | Anonymous, on Apr 8, 2009 wrote:
okay how about i call you the "city too busy to hate." you like that better, you douche? that’s the gayest slogan ever. oh wait, i forgot about "it’s always opening day." yeah, that one’s definitely gayer. | |
| badmandan, on Apr 8, 2009 wrote:
@anonymous. sorry you were ticked off by this article, have you bothered to read the rest of them? i think that it is quite detailde considering the amount of space given. have fun reading the rest. | | Anonymous, on Apr 8, 2009 wrote:
Iam all about keepin it crunk! shame i dont really know what that means but im sure my mom will know. | | Anonymous, on Apr 8, 2009 wrote:
I dont think that the guy should be ripping on "some dumb motherfucker" for firing up another bar. At least these guys are trying to make a difference or at least create a place to go to. | | Anonymous, on Apr 8, 2009 wrote:
This article ticked me off. There is a lot more to Atlanta than what this article states. Gees. The writer didn’t do his research. And please, PLEASE, never call us the NY of the south. Gross. | | Anonymous, on Apr 8, 2009 wrote:
It seems that there is a weird love hate thing going on, it kind of rags on atlanta but then goes on to say that even though it is shit its still awesome. | | Anonymous, on Apr 8, 2009 wrote:
Xzamen in your face! | | Anonymous, on Apr 8, 2009 wrote:
I too cannot stand that there are so many co. businesses. DC is like that also. I went to go get a sandwich and I almost cried because it was a subway sandwich, just under a different name. | | Anonymous, on Apr 8, 2009 wrote:
I did shrooms for the first time there with some friends. Actually, just people that I liked they weren’t my friends. We went to "oly park" and painted painted crafts for like three weeks. | | Anonymous, on Apr 8, 2009 wrote:
the best thing about atlanta, and really about the south in general is to food. mmmm greasy, home style, deliciousness | | Anonymous, on Apr 8, 2009 wrote:
hey! Ive been to that Target and a Bed Bath & Beyond that he refers to and they were lovely, so there. | | Anonymous, on Apr 8, 2009 wrote:
The thing I miss most about Atlanta is the house parties. They were insane. Now that I’m in NYC no one has a house so there’s nothing remotely close to it. These kids that threw parties didn’t care a bit about their house or lease or deposit; shit would literally be collapsing and warping and breaking while a punk band played in the living room. | | | Next 30 comments > |
| |
