THE VICE GUIDE TO MIAMI ART FAIRS - AUREL SCHMIDT

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Aurel is an evil little nerdette who lives under a toadstool and draws evil shit. Look at her in that picture. Pretty mean-looking, right? She looks like that little dorky girl from school whose glasses would fog up when you called her names and then one day she snapped and stabbed you in the temple with a protractor.

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Vice: You going to Art Basel this year?

Aurel Schmidt: I think so. I hope so.

What’s your favorite thing about it?

How grimy and sick Miami is. This is a lot of people’s most hated part, but for me… it’s like, all these crazy women with super plastic surgery, tons of makeup, everyone’s overtanned with sick plastic hair, and everyone’s swarming the booths at the art market and… that’s my favorite part.

What part sucks big hairy balls?

The parties at the hotels. You end up in these stupid queues and everybody’s like, “I’m on the guest list! I’m on the guest list!” And even if you are on the guest list you have to wait in this crazy line, and it’s desperate, there’s desperation! There’s like a 55-year-old woman who can’t get in standing beside you and she’s upset with her husband…

But you don’t have to do that anymore, do you? You’re Aurel Schmidt.

What? No, the lines go around the block, so even if you’re on a list you’re still waiting in line. I guess if you were VIP you’d go in the side or something. But, no.

No I Couldn’t Possibly, Thank You, Yes, 2008, pencil, colored pencil, acrylic, beer on paper, 25” x 31”, courtesy of the artist.

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