 There are few more bare-faced declarations of identity than the crap college freshmen put up on their walls to draw in friends. For every aluminum-framed poster a kid nails up within minutes of claiming their bed, he/she may as well be handing out pamphlets to his or her new roommates titled “This Is Who I Want You to Think I Am.” We decided to trace the evolution of a couple dormwall staples from our time at school to their current incarnations.
Continue reading "NEW YORK - THE DECLINE OF DORM ART" »
07/25/2008 in UK , USA | Permalink | Comments (4)
 The Rock Bible: Unholy Scripture For Fans & Bands
Henry Owings
Quirk Books
This looks like it should be sharing shelfspace with the Stuff White People Like book and one of those “survival guides,” but I swear to you it’s good. Henry Owings is the editor of Chunklet, one of the the best and definitely the funniest music zine to ever come out of Georgia. He took a year or so off to put together this compendium of syntactically biblical advice for musicians with some of Chunklet’s regular contributors, and every single sentence in it is 100 percent dead-on.
Continue reading "LITERARY - THE ROCK BIBLE" »
07/24/2008 in Canada , UK , USA | Permalink | Comments (4)
 We all know what to do if Mr. Peeners succumbs to FIV before his time (you freeze-dry him, dummy), but what about the flipside? Having a neighbor find your gnawed-up corpse amid mountains of crusted dog shit a week after Judgment Day isn’t exactly a good look and might dissuade potential adopters. Luckily for all you Christians, this guy is offering post-Rapture pet care via craigslist. There are just a couple things that we’re having trouble with: a) He appears to believe in Revelations but somehow thinks being an atheist exempts him, and b) Is he planning on breaking into each house and subsequently checking in every few days, or is he going to set up some sort of mega-kennel in his backyard? Either way, $50 is a hell of a deal.
07/24/2008 in Canada , UK , USA | Permalink | Comments (2)
Tonight the kids at that new Bodega venue in Brooklyn are hosting an all-night booty dance party with a bunch of DJs who can probably recite the majority of Too $hort’s lyrical output. Although we’re not too familiar with Mr. Andersonic or Dirty Finger, we’re willing to bet a nickel they can get a room full of people dry-humping each other in no time. If you’ve been an annoying phone call away from dumping someone all summer this would be a good place to clear your head while receiving 40-odd text-threats about “becoming a cutter again.” The secretions start flowing at 9 and it’s $5 to get in. Keep reading for a visual explanation (it involves Urkel, boom boxes, pirated clipart, and a Damien Hirst disco skull).
Continue reading "NEW YORK - THE NASTY JAM!!!" »
07/24/2008 in USA | Permalink | Comments (1)
 Dear Gay Men of Melbourne, Australia,
You are needed to partake in an experiment of the utmost importance to mankind. This is finally your chance to give back to humanity with the simplest of tasks that you, yourself, hopefully perform daily with a loved one or friend. All you need is a penis, another man with a penis, the ability to chew and swallow kangaroo meat (among other things), and a positive and fresh outlook! If this sounds like it’s up your Hershey highway then please, for the sake of science, read on!
Continue reading "MELBOURNE - GAY MEN NEEDED" »
07/24/2008 in Australia , Canada , Competition , Food and Drink , Gross , NZ , USA | Permalink | Comments (4)
 Jenny: I got into a really bad car accident during this time when I had dropped out of school for a while and was on every drug in the universe. I told everyone that I was dehydrated and fell asleep at the wheel.
Vice: Did you get away with it?
Disgustingly, yeah I did. It’s what I told my parents and that’s the story the police bought.
Continue reading "NEW YORK – HI THERE, WHAT’S THE BIGGEST LIE YOU’VE EVER TOLD?" »
07/24/2008 in Canada , UK , USA | Permalink | Comments (2)
 If you are a regular reader of such paragons of upstanding journalism and good taste as The Sun or The Daily Mail, then by now you are probably aware of the drug list that Bob Geldof's daughter left on the table at the Old Blue Last. A lot of people have been spouting bullshit to us like, "Who makes a list for drugs and puts their name at the top and then doesn't take it with them to get the drugs?" and, "Wait, come to think of it, who makes a list for drugs?" and, "This would be literally THE easiest thing in the world to fake if you were the type of attention-seeker who goes to the press to tattle on celebrity daughters and insists on them printing your own name and picture in the story." Just to put these cynics in their place, here are some other of the notes we've found in the bar over the past couple weeks.
Continue reading "LONDON - DRUG LISTS" »
07/24/2008 in Canada , UK , USA | Permalink | Comments (7)
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