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MATCHING UNDERWEAR A few weeks ago we were laughing at our buddy Ryan for claiming that ever since he started wearing matching tighty-whities and T-shirts he can’t stop getting laid. Then we told our girlfriends and they were all, “That sounds kind of hot actually.” Try it. It’s weird. It’s like catnip to them. It’s like a guy’s version of lingerie.
SALAD-FLAVORED FACE CREAM
If you want a girl to make out with you, put this cream all over your face and call her fat. It sucks at first because she’s crying but girls on diets live for salad and they’re always hungry, which is where kissing your face comes in.
Thanks to Arousiak Turabian of Kew Gardens, NY
MULTICULTURAL COLON CLEANSER
Anyone who thinks diversity is an urban myth and we’re more segregated and at each other’s throats than ever before hasn’t checked out high-fiber cereal recently. The folks at Kashi have decided to put shiny happy races on every box because, apparently, people who still believe we’re all one big happy family are also full of shit.
Thanks to Greg over at NYU
HOMEGIRL POTATO CHIPS
Don’t know ’bout you, Rob Halford, but when we think of the word “homegirl,” we think of spunky white girls, devout Muslims, black nerds, Asians with fanny packs, and passionate Latifah manifestos like “Yo! Being a virgin is not a dirty word” and “Don’t be a fool. Don’t take drugs or weapons to school.” (Seriously, that’s what it says on the back).
BOUDREAUX’S BUTT PASTE
Ever put Vagisil on a rash or anything sore anywhere on your body? It works, eh? Same with this shit. I don’t know why society is giving all the good shit to babies’ bums and vaginas but you could put this fucker on a Monday and it would go away.
Don’t bother going to their website. Katrina wiped out the whole company.
BOMBAY BAD BOY NOODLES Named after Vice cofounder Suroosh Alvi because he started wearing leather jackets and sunglasses, this instant noodle marks a drastic departure from his previous favorite noodle: Smack.
HOMOS SALAD
Last month was the Lies Issue and most of the Tidbits and DOs and DON’Ts were made in Photoshop. Sorry about that. I swear to God on my mother’s eyes we won’t do it again.*
We know we’ve shaken your faith in us but this Tidbit is real: An international typo that brought the Lebanese from the savviest Christians in the Middle East to a bunch of faggotarians simply by throwing a couple of Os at an UMU.
Thanks to Matt and Anja of Minneapolis, MN
PEARSON’S SALTED NUT ROLL Vice editor Jesse Pearson is such a fag his mouth waters every time someone says the word “bag.” This is his favorite food and he gets a boner every time he eats it.
STUFFED AIDS There’s these guys that magnify their favorite microbes about one million times and then make stuffed animals out of them. They’re called Giantmicrobes and they make bad breath, the common cold, hepatitis, and, of course, HIV. Only they didn’t want to be accused of trivializing AIDS, so they gave the HIV microbe a red ribbon, which means that HIV feels terrible about itself and wishes it could be eradicated. How goth is that?
Go to giantmicrobes.com. Syphilis is the cutest.
This month’s winner: MATCHING UNDERWEAR
UM EIN KOSTENLOSES ABO FÜR VICE MAGAZINE ZU GEWINNEN, SCHICKT TIDBITS AN: VICE MAGAZINE, GIPSSTR. 3 RGB, 10119, BERLIN. E-MAIL: INFO@VICELAND.DE
* Dear God: What I’m promising here is that we won’t ever deceive the readers with fake photographs again. Please do not blind my mother on some weird technicality like an ad or a black bar on someone’s eyes or some mistake that I wasn’t aware of. You’re all-knowing so you know what I meant by that promise and I don’t want anything to happen to her. Play fair.
Comments: Subject: yummy chips Date: May 23 2007 12:10:39 AM Author: danny
home girls chips in what country or what state do they sell these??
