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Zutaten: Schweineschmalz, Eier, Würstchen, Pilze, Speck, Leber vom Lamm, Blutwurst, Bohnen, Dosentomaten, Brot, Lucozade (Energydrink) / Stella Artois (belgisches Bier). 1. Einen großen Klumpen Schmalz abschneiden und in die Pfanne hauen. Schmalz erreicht eine höhere Temperatur als pflanzliches Öl oder Butter, außerdem schmeckt es fleischiger. 2. Die Platte auf mittlerer Temperatur halten und warten bis das Schmalz sich verflüssigt hat, dann die Würstchen dazugeben. Frisch vom Metzger schmecken sie am besten. 3. Die Pilze klein schneiden und im entweichenden Würstchenfett herumrollen. 4. Ein paar Scheiben Blutwurst dazugeben. Blutwurst wird aus dem Blut und dem Fett von Schafen gemacht, die zu alt sind, um nach der Schlachtung als Lammfleisch durchzugehen. Lecker! 5. Ich verwende gerne noch ein paar Stücke blutige Leber, um dem Menü einen Touch nordischer Raffinesse zu geben. Man schneide sie auf die Größe, in der man sich die Schamlippen eines dieser Monster von den Fraggles vorstellt, dann ab in die Pfanne damit! 6. Während die Innereien, das Fett und die Pilze sich kennen lernen, legt man den Speck in eine andere Pfanne und brät ihn bei starker Hitze. Das Wasser abgießen, bevor der Speck dazukommt. 7. Die Bohnen erhitzen um den Saft zu verkochen, Salz, Pfeffer und die exotische Tabasco-Sauce hinzugeben. So gut wie möglich unterrühren, bis eine breiige Masse entsteht. Die Tomaten auf mittlerer Stufe erhitzen. 8. Die Pfanne, in der der Speck gebraten wurde, säubern, stark erhitzen und zwei Eier reinschlagen. Schmalz braucht man hier nicht. Das versaut dir nur die Eier und lässt die Unterseite anbrennen. 9. Den ganzen Kram auf einen Teller packen, noch eine fette Ladung Schmalz dazu und in der Eierpfanne zum Schmelzen bringen. Wenn das Schmalz flüssig ist, das Brot dazu packen und die Scheiße so schnell wie möglich braten. Wenn das erledigt ist, die braune Soße drüber kippen und fertig. 10. Du wirst etwa die Hälfte von dem Zeug essen können, bevor du beginnst zu schwitzen und dir schwindelig wird. Gib nicht auf! Dann setz dich vor die Glotze, rauch ein paar Kippen, bis es Zeit wird, den Hund zum Kacken nach draußen zu begleiten. ANDY CAPPER |
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Comments:
Date: May 05 2008 09:05:01 AM Author: anglaise this is bollocks. noone would ever put liver on a breakfast. and you clearly only use 2 pans. one for tomatoes, then the beans. the other for everything else, and you cook the eggs in the fat from the other stuff. and where's your toast? your fried bread? and what's wrong with a decent cuppa with it? fair enough, a stella at wethers but not that orange shit. Subject: adf Date: Mar 01 2007 08:35:29 AM Author: ad What happened to the Clothes Issue? Subject: surfer dude Date: Mar 01 2007 03:21:22 AM Author: ...london calling... why didn't I see any fried pig-ass in harry potter? because you are a cunt! Subject: hell yeah!! Date: Mar 01 2007 03:18:10 AM Author: ...london calling... thats the shit.. hang over cure! easy.. been out all night grab a fry up with your stella before going to the pub for the football... breakfast of champions! easy job... no fucker eats this shit every day... but hell yeah you can't knock a greesy spoon fry up once in a while.. its 9.18 in the monrning in london right now and i'm thinking one of these for lunch will go down a treat... thank you vice .. best thing i have seen on here!!! Yanks! you fuckers blow goats! nuff said geeeeeeeeezah! Subject: Presentation. Date: Mar 01 2007 03:08:31 AM Author: A proper real timer I dont think enough has been mentioned about presentation. Subject: .. Date: Mar 01 2007 12:59:46 AM Author: US of A #1 That's a fuckin' island monkey breakfast. Subject: oopsies!!!!! Date: Mar 01 2007 12:41:38 AM Author: poopyface some one done fucked up. Subject: yotiyylv Date: Jan 16 2007 05:12:46 PM Author: yotiyylv urhkjrma http://rishfqau.com svlegnmg mtuikzrs [URL=http://booujtsp.com]lyucbgtt[/URL] <a href="http://teighfbs.com">ymmnxruc</a> Subject: what??? Date: May 27 2006 06:58:30 AM Author: gio' perkeè è tutto in britsh englisch????? Subject: E dicevano che la pasta fà ingrassare... Date: May 03 2006 10:57:44 AM Author: alex bene! allora .... meglio la Pasta! inutile dirlo nuovamente ma la cucina italiana è sempre imbattibile nel gusto e nelle poche calorie (senza esagerare con le porzioni). Ciao Subject: best of shitish cuisine Date: Apr 23 2006 10:49:04 PM Author: jamos you know i cook this shit for twat gaijins in a london pub in tokyo. if your not fat now wait till you hit 35 then youll probably need wheel barrow to carry your fat arse. jesus if this is too adventurous for the average reader you should see what the japs put away. tokyoites love natto fermented soy beans smelly slimey little fuckers that leave a trail from your bowl to your mouth that have to be skillfully whisked with your chopsticks before it contaminates your chin. there usually mixed with a dash of shoyu, a little hot mustard and a raw egg oiishi des ne. also black puddings is made from pigs blood you git. Subject: Argument over breakfast Date: Apr 20 2006 04:32:27 AM Author: Seej Oh my God. I've been meaning to swing by the US site to see what Americans made of the Full English for a little while now but I never expected BREAKFAST to be such a fucking divisive issue! Jesus, do you think we can find something just a little more important to bitch about please (and I'm talking to both sides here)? As far as finding the meal gross goes, don't knock it until you've tried it, huh? Lobster looks pretty fucking disgusting sitting there on your plate looking at you, but millions of people all over the world don't seem to have any problem overcoming the feeling. Black pudding just sounds weird because you've never had it (personally, I can't get enough of the stuff - rich in iron and protein and totally delicious, and only about as gross as a sausage when you think about it). Lastly, since everyone seems to have their own variation on this, here's the best one; use lard if you must, but vegetable oil also works or (for full flavour) collect the run-off fat from your bacon over the course of a week and fry it all in that (steaks taste amazing this way too), plus no hash browns, fried tomatoes not tinned ones, go easy on the beans, extra black pud for me, and just try drinking fresh orange juice. If you need a Stella with breakfast then you've got a problem. P.S. I'm not overweight, and my teeth are white, straight and have no fillings. Oh shit; better find a new stereotype. Subject: dave from california, eat shit and die. Date: Apr 07 2006 03:05:41 PM Author: englishman in new york my only criiticism of this fine example of our great traditional staple, is it seems to be lacking a cup of tea. not that im knockin the lucozade. Subject: fucking this Date: Apr 06 2006 08:45:10 AM Author: fuck fuck americans are the fattest most unhealthy people in the world- fact. don't even DARE to slag the breakfast, you feed your 2year olds supersize meals, and doggy bags- just encourages this greed. it's foul to watch a family eat in a restaurant like pigs at the trough, eat some salad u fucks. no offnce to anyone who likes the food Subject: scottish breakfast Date: Apr 06 2006 08:37:33 AM Author: k it's same as english, except he's made a MAJOR mistake. Fried tomato. fry it in the lard!! tinned? way too healthy/minging Subject: Mmmmmmmmm Date: Apr 05 2006 05:30:21 PM Author: Junglehead6 you know...as nauseating as this breakfast sounds...it actually looks prety tasty. Except I would substitute that filthy orange beverage (i had a bottle of it in greece....orange flavored embalming fluid is more like it) for a tall glass of milk or cherry juice. Fuck yeah, I'm going to try this at home....good to be skinny so i can get away with eating trash like this! : ) Subject: damn guys. Date: Mar 31 2006 01:28:22 AM Author: Dave from California ok if you want to know, we stopped eating that crap like 50 years ago. that stuffs gross as hell, and fat kids get laughed at. most fat people are from the mid-west and southern states of our country, and we don't worship our president. why didn't I see any fried pig-ass in harry potter? Subject: SULTANA Date: Mar 30 2006 05:43:22 PM Author: emily SULTANA BRAN!! SO GROSS! Subject: lucozade Date: Mar 30 2006 05:38:40 PM Author: emily oh my god I miss lucozade!!! now that's an english breakfast -- lucozade and some raisin bran, but instead it's called like -- well, it isn't raisin bran it's got another name, but same packaging -- the raisins are just bigger and lighter -- anyone know the name of what I'm talking about?? shit. Subject: nice Date: Mar 29 2006 04:31:42 PM Author: phil that quick one about the fragel rock labia is about the funniest thing ive ever seen........good one mate Subject: you crazy Date: Mar 27 2006 01:27:33 PM Author: your mum you dont clean out the pan before you fry the eggs bitch. the bacon juice stays in the fucking pan. you get me? and its special brew or kestrel, not kid piss lucozade. BTW your photo blogs suck.who gives? Subject: Query Date: Mar 25 2006 09:14:19 AM Author: Enquirer Dear Andy, how can you eat and drink that and not get fat as fuck? And are you seriously married? Subject: ugh Date: Mar 24 2006 10:10:50 AM Author: fucktard lucozade tastes like shit. the US will always be ten times better than the Brits 'cause our "ade" is made from alligators. Subject: breaky Date: Mar 23 2006 11:56:16 PM Author: vermin Proper English Breaky or a slice of toast with a "scraping" of Vegemite, fuck it I just want a couple bong hits of California Chronic and a big cup of non-Starbucks coffee and I am good for the morning. Try an asian breakfast if you wanna talk shit, raw eggs and rice, yum. Subject: to the canadian whiner Date: Mar 23 2006 05:38:56 PM Author: jellybelly lighten up, the whole point is that you have to eat all of this TOGETHER. i don't know about canada, but americans tend to stick with one or two kinds of meat with breakfast. and i've yet to have baked beans or canned tomatoes with my breakfast anywhere in north america, either. just because a brit is proud of their disgusting breakfast, one that makes americans look disciplined, doesn't mean the nazis have secretly won. Subject: nam nam Date: Mar 22 2006 06:01:02 AM Author: Aybee oh my gawd i just had lunch, but this guy made med starve again haha yummy ham and eggs I CRAVE CALORIES!!!!!!!!!! Subject: Absence Date: Mar 22 2006 03:45:44 AM Author: Tom Where's the hash brown?? Subject: - Date: Mar 19 2006 03:20:53 PM Author: Paul William Schofeld-Pellow Isn't black pudding made from pigs blood? and who the fuck drinks stella with a fry up? You have a cup of tea, obviously. I also think you went a little over the top with the lard. Subject: this sucks Date: Mar 19 2006 08:26:46 AM Author: WTF why do i feel like i'm reading the vice UK this month? everything is like shitty european shit in this issue. i feel like my american rights have been violated Subject: are you kids seriously upset by this? Date: Mar 19 2006 02:12:20 AM Author: What the hell? I don't know if any of you have left your contries... but as far as I know ( and I live in Canada) sausages and eggs and toast are all perfectly normal breakfast foods and basically the only thing that we do not have over here ( North America) is Black Pudding -but i'm sure it's really nice. Anyway you Americans and Brits have better things to fight about don't you ? Like your armies or somthing ? Dissing breakfast is kind of lame. Subject: hung-ghee Date: Mar 18 2006 02:25:39 AM Author: daniel thats fuckin yummy, bar the organs Subject: when? Date: Mar 16 2006 10:16:41 AM Author: junger not that i'm english, but when did pork butts and chicken menstruation become part of the 'official british breakfast'? my only guess is when they started the same propaganda back in jolly old us of a. you aren't what you don't eat. Subject: Best of Blighty Date: Mar 16 2006 08:25:29 AM Author: Menace The operative ingredient in this meal is the Lucozade/Stella Artois. Drinking them is so Euro white trash. It's reminds me of the American pasttime of waking up late on a hot Saturday afternoon, walking into the garden and digging last night's warm, flat keg of Bud out of the bushes and pouring a skanky one before taking a dump in the basement bathroom. Subject: get in! Date: Mar 15 2006 12:42:36 PM Author: brew Beautiful. Quite simply beautiful. Everything you need in a meal, although you forgot three things: hash browns, cup of tea and The Sun. All you wide-arse fat white trash yank wank fucks can go suck on your own lard arse cess-pool of a grease-ridden country. And yes, I said "arse". An "ass" is a type of donkey that your fat inbred southen mama probably sucked off and took it in the arse to produce you. Go eat a crusty hot dog and think about that. Subject: People bitch too much. Date: Mar 15 2006 12:19:42 PM Author: wooki wooki If its disgusting. dont fucking read it. stop bitching. Subject: Vice UK Date: Mar 15 2006 11:21:55 AM Author: Menace Seriously, STOP giving Vice UK space in this publication. They are a bunch Shoreditch twats who can't come up with a decent article. Get your own magazine you fuckwits. Subject: please Date: Mar 15 2006 10:23:32 AM Author: cock monkey man i'm gagging to provoke a reaction please someone react Subject: david beckham Date: Mar 14 2006 11:26:58 PM Author: BIG RAY > what do you yanks eat for breakfast? Victoria Beckham's afterbirth. Go fuck yourself! Subject: weedy coldplay Date: Mar 14 2006 09:46:31 PM Author: hebegb man, i eat this shit every day and i am still the skinnyest dude out. maybe it speeds up your metabolism or some shit but by lunch time im fuckin super starving again! maybe it gives me so much energy that im forced outside to actually excercise. and if i dont eat at least one hash brown, bacon, egg, and toast then i start feeling all woozy from hunger by mid morning. what do you yanks eat for breakfast? Subject: aw man Date: Mar 14 2006 06:18:23 PM Author: wp2k shit where is the bubbles and squeak dog Subject: Coocookachoo Date: Mar 14 2006 09:28:52 AM Author: stubag OMG who wants to hunt down Coocookachoo with me and kill him? anyone?? What rock did you crawl out of you fucking piece of shit? Fuck me your sooooooo annoying and shockingly ignorant for the record we hate you all and think you are ALL fat and as thick as shit... Suck BUSH cock monkey! Subject: man, i heard british food sucked Date: Mar 14 2006 02:03:08 AM Author: grady but man, i feel sick just reading about that crap also. salute to vice. only you could get so many kids to bitch about a free magazine. Subject: cosmos/arguement Date: Mar 13 2006 11:19:40 AM Author: 514 He is semi-retired, it is still open and run by him and his offspring, sorry for getting snappy but this new layout is making me mad. I can live with the fact that articles come up one at a time but the new layout is time consumeing to navigate and needs both the controls (Home, Back issues, Photo Blog, Music, TV...) on the banner of your home page and a "menu" or issue page for the food issue. Subject: vicemag are asses Date: Mar 13 2006 09:13:01 AM Author: Turd Mckracken How about a nice lard cola to complement this dish? Subject: British people = Inbreds Date: Mar 13 2006 08:55:18 AM Author: Coocookachoo I think that plate holds the secret to all the millions of crooked black and yellow British teeth that haunts America's dreams. Might even solve the secret of that nasty pasty skin as well! Those people, fucking empire stretched across the globe and they still couldn't discover vitamins Subject: love Date: Mar 13 2006 05:51:44 AM Author: stubag i love the new site dudes respect for changing and ignoring the 17 year old indie wankers in their dirty converse that only want to pay for one sitting at the easy jet internet cafe to read your mag and are now gutted that they'll have to go every day or god forbid might miss something... listen dudes you love it you know you love it you just love to bitch screw it show love wankers Subject: ick-brekky Date: Mar 13 2006 05:45:12 AM Author: cock what is wrong with the layout knob head?? please explain further.... i don't agree and i'm keen to argue my point... COCK!! Subject: Skinny British boys Date: Mar 13 2006 04:12:41 AM Author: Been to Ireland I stopped over in England on Sunday morning on my way to Ireland and this is exactly what the airport food court was serving up. Then when I finally made it to the Emerald Isle the little local restaurants had the same thing with only a few slight variations. No beans and white pudding to go along with the black stuff. By the second day you begin to wonder how you ever did without this stuff and why every single guy at the pub trying to buy me a pint is as thin as the douche from Coldplay. Subject: Easy on the Lard Date: Mar 13 2006 03:04:43 AM Author: El Grosso Breakfast Gross. Subject: brekky Date: Mar 12 2006 11:42:10 PM Author: ick this breakfast is gnarly and so is the new layout of this website - what readers got mad that the whole issue was online? what a bunch of bullshit. everyone hates this layout fuckin change it Subject: rizzle Date: Mar 12 2006 08:51:18 PM Author: johnny comes early 514, I thought Tony retired. Does his family still run Cosmos? Or dare I say it, has he emerged from retirement? My arteries are getting excited. And kind of scared. Subject: Cosmos still alive! Date: Mar 12 2006 04:41:02 PM Author: 514 fuck you ... dont "RIP" the mish mash, it kicks full english right in its ginger nuts and then butts out in its eye Subject: MM Date: Mar 12 2006 02:13:39 PM Author: Naughty James I'm coming to yours for breakfast. just don't tell your missus. Subject: mmmmmmmmmmmm Date: Mar 12 2006 09:22:31 AM Author: skye i cant even tell what the fuck is happening on that plate :P Subject: great article hahah Date: Mar 12 2006 12:56:35 AM Author: Walter man oh man those english they sure eat weird things good thing I have to wait another day to see if this issue can get somehow get shittier Subject: Adding Smailey Date: Mar 11 2006 08:36:24 PM Author: New Articles Goddamn - Hey Vice. Why don't you fucking do an article on your business meetings. Especially this recent one, where your business nerds said, "Hay, You know what gang, we can make a lot more $ and get more hits if we milk our readers online, and post our articles one day at a time." Vice staff: "More money. Well, we're already launching this mag with Standard Hotels for rich fuckers who are too old to read Vice..." Vice Business Nerds: "Yeah, but Nike and Beer companies equal more money. We mean, the mag is free except for the subscribers...Plus, more money. Punk capitalism. Vice Jamaica, Vice Hong Kong, Vice Transylvania...Money money money." Vice staff: "Hah, hah. Yeah fuck our readers online. More money. We're a scam anyway. New Streets album out now! Push that shit through our marketing agency addVICE. We got Cornerstone beat, damn. And we're so punk. Here, here, more money. Hey, can we run this article about this meeting in the upcoming issue." Vice Business Nerds: "No. Not a good business move. Hey, btw, those Vice Dolls are selling pretty slow. Let's give them away to readers!!!" Subject: did anyone ever.... Date: Mar 11 2006 04:34:44 PM Author: johnny come-lately the picture of that food reminds me of the documentray "Man of Grease" about Tony Koulakis who ran Cosmos on Sherbrooke St. in Montreal. That nigga made a specialty called the mish mash, which is a mix of four eggs, bacon, sausage, ham, salami, tomatoes, onions, and cheese and contains a little over 1800 calories per portion and shitload of artery clogging grease. RIP mish mash. Subject: 45 Date: Mar 10 2006 05:22:26 PM Author: 45 45 Subject: 3 Date: Mar 10 2006 05:21:11 PM Author: 3 3 Subject: 2 Date: Mar 10 2006 05:19:33 PM Author: 2 2 |
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