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Fotos vom Autor






Eine Menschliche plaZenta zu ESSEn, ist schwieriger als gedacht. Erstens ist es schwierig, an eine ranzukommen. Wenn man im Hippiemekka Austin, Texas, aufwächst, kennt man die Geschichten von den Öko-Mamas, die ihre alte Plazenta unter einem Baum vergraben oder sie sogar zermahlen und Smoothies daraus machen. Scheint also keine große Sache zu sein. Dementsprechend planten wir, als mein Kumpel seine Frau schwängerte, ein passendes Barbecue. Wir baten die Hebamme, für uns die Beute nach draußen zu schmuggeln aber sie war etwas unsicher. Wir versprachen ihr ein bisschen Gras und sie willigte ein. Hippies! Sie verpackte die Plazenta in einem Quarantäne-Beutel, kam kurz vor die Tür des Krankenhauses, drückte sie mir nervös in die Hand und scheuchte mich weg. Ich packte den Kuchen in eine Styropor-Kühltruhe aus dem 7-Eleven, schwang mich aufs Rad und fuhr davon, Babykokon an Bord. Die Zubereitung der Plazenta war eines der gottlosesten Rituale, denen ich jemals beiwohnen durfte. Wenn man ein Tier tötet, ist es wichtig, das Blut auszuwaschen, bevor man es kocht. (Bei den Kühen im Schlachthaus schneidet man als Erstes die Füße ab, damit das noch schlagende Herz das ganze Blut rauspumpt.) Deswegen schnürt man auch Schafe oder Ziegen ab, bevor man ihnen die Kehle durchschneidet. Das haben sich wohl Neandertaler ausgedacht. Da die Plazenta im Wesentlichen ein Sack voller Blutgefäße ist, dauert der Reinigungsprozess ziemlich lange. Also wirklich ziemlich lange. Sie hatte die Größe einer Rinderbrust, vielleicht vier Pfund Gewicht, aber es hing noch eine ein Meter lange, weiße Nabelschnur daran. Das Menü teilte sich in zwei Gänge: Ich machte einen Eintopf nach Art einer mexikanischen Carne Guisade, um das Gewebe für die Tacos etwas aufzuweichen. Der Rest wurde Schaschlik. Wir kochten ziemlich lange, da es sich hier nicht gerade um die Sorte Essen handelt, die man gerne halbroh isst. Als wir soweit waren, stand die Tacomischung bereits eineinhalb Stunden auf dem Feuer, ich war hungrig und schon ordentlich besoffen. Trotzdem war ich noch äußerst gehemmt. Als ich mit einem Tablett voller Plazenta-Tacos aus der Küche kam, schienen vor allem die Jungs recht entnervt zu sein. Einige der Mädels hingegen waren erstaunlich gierig darauf, die Opfergabe zu probieren. Schweigend zwang auch ich mich, es zu versuchen. Die Tacos waren eine größere Herausforderung, sie waren klebrig, während das Schaschlik durch das Feuer eine knusprige Kruste hatte. Das menschliche Fleisch hatte eine schwammige Struktur, ähnlich wie Gehirn oder Nieren. Ich habe noch nie Gehirn oder Niere gegessen, aber ich kann mir vorstellen, dass es sich im Mund ähnlich anfühlt. Irgendwie aß ich alles, was mir angeboten wurde und am Ende wünschte ich mir fast, es hätte Zwillinge gegeben. Zu der Liste von Erfahrungen in meinem Lebenslauf konnte ich stolz eine weitere hinzufügen: Kannibalismus.

TRACE CRUTCHFIELD


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Comments:

fTdVBVsgMfwHLpGIxV, on Sep 15 2009 07:33:09 AM wrote:
doors.txt;10;15


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Subject: God Bless Ya!!!
Date: Jan 10 2007 10:38:10 AM
Author: Burrito Buns

Still enjoying life I see. You and Kevin have always amazed me. I hope you are doing well and would love to hear from you. I am still in Sugar Land with 4 teenage sons!! And I would have certainly given you their placenta and the tissue from their circumcission too....very tender!
Will always love you much
Tracey



Subject: God Bless Ya!!!
Date: Jan 10 2007 10:38:00 AM
Author: Burrito Buns

Still enjoying life I see. You and Kevin have always amazed me. I hope you are doing well and would love to hear from you. I am still in Sugar Land with 4 teenage sons!! And I would have certainly given you their placenta and the tissue from their circumcission too....very tender!
Will always love you much
Tracey



Subject: U R
Date: Oct 03 2006 04:42:24 AM
Author: Benny O-Looney

Disgusting



Subject: food
Date: Sep 17 2006 01:52:44 PM
Author: craig claiborne

you are what you eat. nice work. those things are hard to prepare properly



Subject: Placenta eating
Date: Apr 23 2006 10:23:41 AM
Author: Freaked Out

This has to be a little creepy....even for me. I am known by friends to be the "creepy weird" one, but even I wouldn't do this! Now, I know everyone says it's nutritious, but so are cockroaches. In this modern day, and especially in AMERICA, where we have food available at SUPERMARKETS - and you are not STARVING on some island somewhere - WHY, tell me WHY you would "CHOOSE" to eat these types of things? I will be the first to admit that if I was in a plane crash like those people in the story "alive" I would be one of the first people to chop someone else up to survive....but come on - that's ONLY to survive! I'm sure people taste like pork or chicken, but have no desire to try it just for "shits and giggles". EEEEEEEEK! What's this world coming to?



Subject: its just wrong
Date: Apr 20 2006 08:08:26 AM
Author: Don

the one thing I want to know is, who in the hell came up with eating the placenta and why.

who sat there and said uhhhh!!! let me see what this taste's like.....



Subject: placeta eaters are fags
Date: Apr 19 2006 09:05:29 PM
Author: not a placenta eater

just cause you see a dog eat a placenta doesn't mean it's a good idea for you, when have you seen a dog build a car, fly a plane, or navigate a ship. i have seen a dog eat cat turds it dug up and chew on em like some kinda tootsie roll, so go eat cat turds since the dog thought it was a good idea.



Subject: start a cooking community!
Date: Apr 19 2006 08:14:45 PM
Author: blizzair

right on



Subject: baby muncher.
Date: Apr 19 2006 04:50:07 PM
Author: aaron

what a pussy. he should have eaten it raw. like it looked in the picture outsite.



Subject: um....
Date: Apr 19 2006 02:04:37 PM
Author: anon

what's nutritional about dick?

Tom Cruise doing it should be a cue NOT to do it.



Subject: Permission??
Date: Apr 19 2006 02:02:27 PM
Author: Gini

So, you ate this placenta without asking the mother if it was alright? She didn't know about this? That's karma broad can be a bitch, watch out for her (surprised the "hippie" didn't think of that).



Subject: something to correct
Date: Apr 19 2006 12:00:19 PM
Author: j

The placenta is actually the baby’s, and is not produced by the mother. It’s how the baby attaches itself to the mother’s womb.



Subject: Tom Cruise did it. Nuff said
Date: Apr 19 2006 10:22:08 AM
Author: Anonymous

Just because my dick is nutritional, doesn't mean I want to eat it if a jealous girlfriend chops it off.



Subject: what?
Date: Apr 18 2006 11:26:28 PM
Author: what?

isn't it unethical to take body parts without consent?



Subject: Zhang Jun
Date: Apr 18 2006 06:32:32 PM
Author: Ben Dietz

You are my favorite Viceland post-er.



Subject: gross jar
Date: Apr 18 2006 05:39:50 PM
Author: Logan

Why didn't it go in the Gross Jar?

-or-

Why doesn't a new one go in the Gross Jar?

-and-

Would the Gross Jar last the 9 months before it explodes an makes all land within a 20-mile radius uninhabitable.



Subject: Sick Shit
Date: Apr 08 2006 09:07:53 AM
Author: YUK

Thats some filthy shit!



Subject: lavender and scented oils
Date: Mar 31 2006 04:59:15 PM
Author: lotus birth


the lesson here people is that just because something is identified as a long practiced ritual that has been accepted by some societies, doesn't meant that you should run out and do it yourself

let's see, now where did i put the umbilical cord...



Subject: ABOUT eating the placenta
Date: Mar 31 2006 01:14:19 AM
Author: ZJ

In China, people are eating the placenta, in Chinese medicine, the placenta is blindly Chinese medicine, the main role is healthy. Because the placenta very high nutritional value! Very often, as long as you are physically weak, such as Touched a major operation, or the frail health, eat a healthy placenta or two about, the effect is obvious. However, we can not eat more because more will eat nutrient over-enrichment, and thus started bleeding heavily, and even have side effects!



Subject: that's not funny
Date: Mar 29 2006 02:49:21 AM
Author: goodburger

my grandparents survived the holocaust.

they were starving to death in a czech ghetto when my grandmother had an unwanted abortion, which she thought would increase their chances of survival.

they ate the placenta because the only other food was sawdust.

i'm not trying to be funny. that actually happened.



Subject: Watchu talkin' bout Willis
Date: Mar 28 2006 12:29:17 PM
Author: Whitney & Bobby

Wait a minute now.... the "friends" that were at the fucking placenta eating party... did the fucking author like these people????



Subject: boring boys
Date: Mar 27 2006 02:30:56 AM
Author: miss priss

i like being a girl be-cuzz
you can taste human blood without beee-ing a criminal.

When I had my sad lil' misscarriage....
When I licked what I dropped in the sink , does that make me a "cannibal"?? I mean, the round thing I dropped, was kinda upsetting, ya know...the wee placenta. Earthy. Kitschy. Flava-full!!!



Subject: My mother ate my placenta
Date: Mar 26 2006 10:03:49 PM
Author: Jason Green

Maybe its why im all fuked up but hey! I think she dropped me a few times too.

Its normal in a lot of cultures because the mother needs to replenish her nutrition after giving birth.



Subject: ughers
Date: Mar 26 2006 05:25:00 AM
Author: Uncle Sam

I'm surprised the guy isn't Asian.



Subject: this
Date: Mar 25 2006 05:55:29 PM
Author: J

thats not much different from eating period.



Subject: To you fuckers with yer 'actuallies'
Date: Mar 25 2006 09:15:56 AM
Author: Davey

I hate that fuckin word. Everytime one of you cunts uses it I'm like ' here we go.' Yeah, we get it, you are smarter. So next time at a party take the floor for ten minutes and get the arcane knowledge of placentas and other shaved head fem-dyke culture off your chest so everyone doesn't have to listen to you.



Subject: fuck you actually
Date: Mar 24 2006 10:01:25 PM
Author: f

go eat your mother's placenta then fuckface



Subject: Dinner
Date: Mar 24 2006 09:40:09 PM
Author: Actually...

You say he's sick (not that I disagree), but according to Wikipedia most mammalian mothers eat the placenta. So wtf, chow down bitches!



Subject: HOORAY!
Date: Mar 21 2006 12:59:50 PM
Author: laser gangsta justan

im proud of you!
this is one of those ideas
you guys remind me of that
just never came to fruition
or i forgot about or whatever...
i knew all my friends were gettin
preggers for a reason...
im hittin em up from now on-
hey we should collaborate & make a cookbook!



Subject: <3
Date: Mar 20 2006 07:14:21 PM
Author: Samantha

Actually, eating the Placenta after giving birth is an accepted norm in many cultures. It's also very nutritional...



Subject: d
Date: Mar 20 2006 04:17:46 PM
Author: gooo

see now thats a good lil story
i even laughed a bit when they compared riding off w/ the placentia on the bike to e.t.

a lil better than reading all the comments on the last srticle about puppy stew

people take vice a lil too serious
life is fun , explore
fuck it......



Subject: eeeeww
Date: Mar 19 2006 01:44:55 AM
Author: ee

only women can think of eating (their own) placenta



Subject: so what.
Date: Mar 18 2006 08:25:09 PM
Author: Nikola

wow you gotta be pretty ball-sey to pull this off. but.. why not. the placenta is actually very rich in nutrients and is used in certian medicines as an ingredient. and, come on, what's there to mess up when you're making tacos?



Subject: yummy
Date: Mar 18 2006 08:21:20 PM
Author: n

i would try it. always been curious what human meat tastes like. with a nice chianti and some fava beans.. right?



Subject: fucked up
Date: Mar 17 2006 07:09:36 PM
Author: batman

that's what it is.



Subject: sfljk;
Date: Mar 17 2006 03:47:37 AM
Author: me

that is fucking disgusting



Subject: Mung
Date: Mar 14 2006 04:45:41 PM
Author: joey

You guys should bust out one of those good ol mung drinkin stories. Also does anyone really incorporate icy mikes into their sexual excapades. I mean frozen shit fucking c`mon i wanna know if there are acctually people who do this shit.



Subject: no way!
Date: Mar 14 2006 04:22:42 PM
Author: wtf??

no way. i dont believe it.



Subject: s
Date: Mar 14 2006 02:55:17 AM
Author: f

why would you do that???




WHY???



Subject: dinko
Date: Mar 14 2006 02:07:49 AM
Author: dinko

Before pictures would have been helpful. I had to google it to find out what a placenta looks like. And I almost fucking puked.

Dude, you ate THIS?:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Human_placenta_baby_s
ide.jpg />
http://www.damtp.cam.ac.uk/user/md131/babies/delivery/pl
acenta.jpg />
http://www.acmc.uq.edu.au/images/projectimages/Fresh_Pla
centa.jpg />
That looks like if a jellyfish, a deflated basketball and old people's hands somehow produced a nightmarish offspring.

And you ate it. THAT is journalism, my friends.


PS. How do you make a baby drink?



Put it in a blender.



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