We’re not sure how long we can keep this page going if something doesn’t happen soon. If you don’t live in London and have been reading about grime through internet blogs, you’ve probably got it twisted. If you think east London is some kind of grime Mecca, then it’s about time we put you straight. Sometimes you might see some kids spitting bars in the KFC in Bethnal Green or you might hear a car blaring out Rinse FM on Kingsland Road, but that’s it. Save Sidewinder, there are no events. We go to every FWD just to hear Jammer spit his “Merkle Man” bars (and then watch him throw the mic on the ground and walk off when he gets a reload) but when we get there, we find him asleep in the corner. We’re not saying that’s a bad thing—top producer needs his beauty sleep. Anyway, at the last FWD we went along for DJ Target’s set, but Ruff Sqwad, Skepta and God’s Gift, who were all inside, didn’t even touch mic. That’s Fuckries! If you want to see grime MCs performing live, you might as well travel abroad. Promoters in Europe are holding more grime raves than we have over here. We hear Wiley’s now got more air miles than Michael Palin (although he still manages to miss half of the events he’s booked for). DJ Plasticman just got back from touring the U.S. and as well as heading to Stockholm with Logan Sama, DMZ, Virus Syndicate, Skepta and Jammer, he’s also playing in just about every major city in Europe. Showerman! You’ve also got overseas producers and DJs making moves. DJ Maxximus, who became obsessed with grime when living in London and hearing Rinse FM while driving around Hackney, has started his own grime label, MG77.

Maxximus hooked up with Ruff Sqwad and JME while they were in Germany and will be around in London at the end of the year to do some tracks with Tinchy Stryder, Dirty Danger and Lady Fury. Look out for the mucky “Dem All Shoot” by MG77’s Phokus, which JME is set to vocal. Stacs of Stamina, the Eurocrunk guys from Sweden on London’s Werk label (Eurocrunk = white guys with dreadlocks rapping over electronica) have hooked up with Ears for their new single and we’re kinda liking it. Team Shadetek, originally from NYC, now living in Berlin, are producing for Jahmek The World and Neckle Camp. They’ve got two big riddims, “Legs” and “Scatta”, on Jammer’s new album (why is Jammer getting everyone else to produce his album? I thought he was supposed to be top producer). Anyway, Shadetek will be touring Europe all over winter to promote their new mixtape Heavy Meckle, which features freestyles from Jammer, Ears and Neckle Camp. Listen out for “Scatta” on the Risky Roadz 2 DVD as well as an interview with Matt Shadetek. Risky Roadz 2 is out now, available from all good record stores or Risky’s house, if you know where that is. The Rinse FM mixtape, Rinsessions Vol 1 is also out in shops and is fucking crazy, with sets from Ruff Sqwad, Roll Deep, Logan Sama, Plasticman (the Jeff Mills of grime) and Slimzee. The bonus DVD is hilarious too, showing footage of MC Riko reloading his own records and Logan Sama in a vest. It’s also great value: 6 mix CDs and a DVD all for less than an eighth of skunk! We love all these ghetto grime DVDs (big up Ratty and Capo, the originators) but what are these young Scorceses going to do when Channel 4 comes out with its grime soap opera or interactive docu-drama or whatever it is, Dubplate Drama? You guys might want to find a new hussle. You should think about doing grime themed scatter cusions or something else that’ll push the scene forward.

The Vice-sponsored Roll Deep show at Cargo was a great success with The Mitchell Brothers, bless ’em, in support. Tony & Timmy (or whatever they’re called) told little anecdotes before each song. The sound for Roll Deep’s set was fucked, but everyone was just happy that Wiley actually showed up. Roll Deep also supported 50 Cent at Wembley this month. We heard that G-Unit wouldn’t let the boys have a dressing room, so they had to wait in the car park till showtime, but destroyed the show. Make sure you pick up a copy of Taliban Trim and Scratchy’s new tune, “Trim and Scratch”, which is just too big. Keeping it E3, Ruff Sqwad have lost their minds and sampled “I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight”, but we love it because they can do no wrong in our eyes. Their new mixtape, Guns N Roses 2 is on its way and we hear Stryder’s mixtape is almost finished and they’ve even got their own DVD coming out. Where do they get the time between college and homework to do all this stuff? Spooky from Slew Dem can’t be spending much time on his geography homework either because he’s just produced the anthem “Joyride” which has been getting bare gunshots at Sidewinder. Chronik put four holes in the ceiling himself, we heard, but that was just because someone looked at him. Skepta is still clashing everyone who he can think of. Skrapsta has replied saying he’s gonna shoot him, but Skepta isn’t shook. Neva dat—man’s got a shotty.

One guy you definitely need to know about is Devlin, another great younger on road. Go and cop “Do 1” on O.T. Recordings. He sounds like a less psychotic Discarda, although with lyrics like, “I think I should commit a few crimes / Armed robbery, guns and nines / Take your kids and take your wife / Kidnap your kids and rape your wife” we’re not sure if he is actually sane. Anyway, it’s only a matter of time before he joins Roll Deep, like Syer B did. Speaking of Syer, check out his new tune “Pussy”, but save your P’s for his next dub “Troll”, which is HUGE. The 16-year-old producer Young Dot is also making serious moves. As well as producing tracks for Doctor and a load of new tracks for That Crew Who’s Name Will Never Be Mentioned In Free Press Again, (look out for N.E.’s “Holla”) we hear his debut EP was shifting units like a shotter giving away skag at a Babyshambles gig. Keep your ear to ground for the “Terrorist EP Volume 2” by Slew Dem, who are pretty prolific considering half of the crew are on lockdown in Pen(tonville). One thing though, guys—please don’t ever sample Eric Clapton again! Know yourself.

CLARENCE STATELY-HOLMES