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To call these guys a couple of fucking fags is an insult to the gay community. At least fags have a sense of humor about themselves and don’t stand in front of the mirror for hours squinting their eyes and telling invisible movie producers, “I don’t do TV.”
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| Hey look, the math nerds at A.Y. Jackson High School got “made” by MTV. Only now they’re the math nerds at A.Y. Jackson High School dressed up like slutty Bosnian superheros. |
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| Shouldn’t this guy be in Iraq dying? Why have wars if you can’t use them to turn human garbage into neat stuff from other countries? This guy would look way better as one of many little white crosses all in a row beneath some heroic bronze sculpture of a soldier. |
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| This guy went from the best dancer at the club with the best coke to this kind of eccentric regular to a fucking crazy homo that is completely out of his mind. What the fuck is on your head, guy? Are you my Nana? |
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| You’re supposed to have a bit of humility when you barf. Like, you go behind a garbage can and get the fuck out of there when you’re done. You don’t set up shop on the bench outside the restaurant like you’re reading a good book and then sit there after it watching what your stomach acid did to the sun-dried tomatoes. |
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| No, you are not hallucinating. Some wrinkly old turd brainwashed a woman into allowing his penis into her body because it’s “spiritual.” What is it about these “make up your own religion” guys where fucking a lot of young girls is always a crucial part of the “awakening.” |
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| Girls and tattoos is a tricky scenario. Full sleeves are a bit much. Lower-back patterns are for dumb sluts. The odd small heart here and there is fine but a half-finished back piece of a naked lady fingering her own asshole? That’s the first tattoo to rival taking a shit in the middle of the street and screaming, “If you don’t like it, you don’t have to watch.” |
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| Hey, while we’re banning gay marriage can we also ban simpletons on welfare that get married at the courthouse dressed in matching basketball uniforms and flip-flops? The “groom” didn’t even take his fucking backpack off. |
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| The only guys that get laid less than guys that live with their mother are guys with good jobs and expensive apartments. These poor bastards work so hard they only have one or two nights a week to let go and it all comes gushing out in a no-pussy-for-miles “Don’t Stop Believin’ ” drunken ejaculation of missed opportunities. Wooooh! |
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| Of course, if you get the living shit kicked out of you it’s not quite so amazing. You know what? It’s probably best to stick to the going-to-fight look and try to avoid the whole just-fought-and-lost look. |
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| Ah ha ha ha ha. Look at his fucking tattoos. A belly-button tribal sun (which is essentially saying, “Pay attention to my stomach”) and a motherfucking grandfather clock?! What are we, in Turkey? |
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| What is it with Puerto Ricans where they’re perpetually 10 years old? Oh yeah, they don’t have a dad. |
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| Naked ladies are pretty, even to people who aren’t sexually attracted to women. However, having a woman spread her gash on your back for the rest of your life is totally fucking insane. How white trash are you? Did you grow up in the rubbish? |
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| The thing I want to know is, what does this guy think he looks like? Does he see a funky version of Steve Tyler? Does he see an irreverent rocker who does the wango tango? Give up the bass, dude. You’re old. |
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| Hey, The Flash was the fastest man alive. You’re a fat pig with a faggy dog. Get a shirt with food on it or something. Right now you’re a parody of how slow you are. |
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| Don’t get me wrong, heroin is great and everything, but what the fuck is the matter with these people? Hey Dorothy, just because you build a living room on a park bench and click your heels three times doesn’t mean you’re not in the fucking park anymore. You can’t just crash. Junkies are the biggest fucking losers in the world. At least drunks say funny shit. |
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| We’re not sure what happened to electroclash. Everyone was into it (even us) and then it seemed to morph into a weird kind of drag-queen-talent-show thing, and now look at it. |
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| Look at these fucking turds. Could they be bigger pieces of human waste, please? Look at them. They’re just two big pieces of genitalia with ridiculous hats on. They’re not even worth diarrhoea-ing on. |
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| Er, if you’re going for “medieval biker punk,” you might want to get something a little more substantial than a fucking Vespa. Those are for a type of in-the-closet girly man we call a “mod.” When you ride it, you look like elephant Satan going to battle on a tricycle. |
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| Shhhhh, don’t wake the sleeping Jew. Washing and drying his four-foot-long hair can take all morning, so cut the guy some slack and let him rest. |
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