What’s with all the shuttlecocks walking around this summer? All these assholes squeezed into a tight T-shirt and gigantic cargo shorts look like bells or upside-down tulips or something. Get some clothes that fit you, Bobby Handmedowns.





What do we have to do to get rid of this guy? First we nail him in his studio and get $40,000. Then we get him after the awards show in Vegas. Next thing you know he’s got two new box sets out and he’s hanging at the Puerto Rican Day parade giving us the finger. What is this guy, hip-hop venereal warts?

We always start with the shoes. Why waste your time on Eva Mendes or Alicia Keys if they’re rocking Tevas or those stupid fucking platform flip-flops? So we started with her 80s new wave boots and leopard-print dress but then, as we climbed up the mountain, we were hit with a drunken Andy Dick in a cheap wig being choked by a ridiculous kid’s belt. Thanks a lot, liar boots.

Goddamnit. I’m so sick of seeing people bring their computers to the bar I feel like having a temper tantrum every time I see them. Lady, you don’t have internet here so the only things you could be working on are: poetry, very loose fiction, and photoshopping your dog onto a 1950s hot rod. All those things are fucking gay, and you should be doing them at home. Literally fuck off.

Having a nice bod as you leave your twenties is a great thing and we don’t want to prevent you from enjoying that but the teeny-bopper raver sex-bunny thing doesn’t really go with wrinkles. Can’t you have glasses on and be telling your beautiful children things like why it’s hard to breathe on high mountains? Geez.

See what we’re saying about sluts? I mean, it’s kind of fun—that night—in the bathroom—with a bump—but after a while you’re like, “I don’t want to eat candy bars for dinner and watch TV all day. I feel sick. I want to have a shower and go exercise or something.” Go check the Italian stylist from the DOs and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

You know a DON’T is a keeper when all you have to do is describe it in a bar and people are all, “No way. Are you fucking kidding me?” Well, here it is, folks. Live. I like how this crazy bitch (Can she read? What is she, Japanese?) threw a copyright symbol in there just in case you also wanted rapists to follow you everywhere and lunge at your ass.

Speaking of clueless nips, what the fuck kind of music is this homo into? Super-high-energy Happy Hardcore remixes of “Redemption Song?” Can you imagine how hard you’d hit the floor if he was just givin ’er on the dance floor like a maniac in a trance? You’d get so much Laugh Therapy you’d be immune to cancer.

When women are on their honeymoon there’s this thing where they literally get their brains fucked out and they stumble around in funny socks and a dirty, oversize T-shirt with their hair in a weird bobby-pin thing. Looks cute then, but when your 56 year-old divorced mom does it and throws some Romanian-piano-teacher shoes into the mix you’re like, “Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew.”

Hey guy who made windows for his pierced nipples, is there a sad and perverted ad you won’t reply to on craigslist? When we took this picture this fucking loser kept asking us if we’d like to see all the jewelry he stuck in his dick. We tried to explain that we’d rather watch a homeless man take a shit but he was too horny to hear us.

Can you imagine how incensed Ricky would become if Bubbles got ahold of this? “Hello, Richard, are you ready for the dinner party? Oh yes, that’s right. You already had dinner. You ate fish sticks on your car. How quaint.”

Ricky would rip the doll’s head off and then say, “Sorry, Bubbles, I had to do it. It was Youth in Asia.”

*Inside joke for Canadians

And we thought we already hated tiny knapsacks enough when they were leather and early-childhood-education students wore them to picnics with stupid people. Now jocks are taking even smaller ones and wrestling their way inside. All we need now is for Rumsfeld to get one made of baby seals and the triangle will be complete.

Oh, for a time when street harpists would shave off their bangs, tattoo two-foot-long jabberwocks on their arms, and carry only a smidgen of Scottish shoe-maker accessories. Way back in, um, eighteen sixty-never. This woman obviously wants everyone behind her to turn away making that "rwaccch" dry-heaving sound. Is she a diet plan? I dare you to take a bite out of your sandwich while looking at that thing. It's worse than Iraq.

Fucking heroin guys again! Laying around like wet socks set out to dry. Go home, you lazy, lying, boring, constipated, money-borrowing, over-equipped raver. It's not even fun to laugh at you anymore. He may be going for a male-model-drag-racing-guy thing, but he looks more like a Brazilian (with a level of vanity you could only get from having Down's Syndrome) who got dressed up for a Japanese comic convention.

It's weird enough that every black woman in America spends thousands of dollars making her hair more Caucasian. Now they're using rope? What are you, a cheap doll that Christians buy for their kids to explain what "ugly" means? These are what the virgins look like when terrorists kill you and then go to heaven. Thanks, but no thanks. Imagine if you blew yourself up and then had to fuck this. You'd be like, "Are you kidding me?" And Allah would be all, "What the fuck do I know? I'm a fag."

Remember when we talked about women with those blond stripes in their hair and said normal people are doing so much shit to themselves they're becoming punk? Well, guess what? Now we've got these shitty white guys turning their massive slop of hair into fucking cone spikes. WTF? They've got piercings and tons of tattoos.... Back in the 70s all you had to do was wear your pajamas outside to be punk, now you have to have a 40-foot mohawk and rape the queen of England in the ass.

When Dizzee came out with Boy in Da Corner we didn't know he was talking about that guy who rolled up in the club like he owned the place, did two shots of Courvoisier, and went crying into the bathroom to barf like a little baby. Nothing against fags, but when your entire colon comes toppling out of your ass every time you take a shit, you might want to take it easy on the butt fucking.

A lot of Mexicans are just really lazy, and when you give them money all they do is spend it on booze. If you really cared about this guy you'd give him a job washing your toilets or giving you and your friends a massage. On the off chance that this guy isn't kidding, we thought it would be smart to put him in here and show you what it looks like when someone breaks 11 simple rules (answers below).

Tucking your shirt in, wearing a gay little bracelet, choker made of coral (two separate violations), more than two buttons undone, sideburns, wrap-around sunglasses at night (that's two more), a mullet, and a plaid headband (shit, two more again).


Your email:
Their email:


Comments:

the skull , on Nov 27 2008 08:51:30 AM wrote:
dude this is my brother
you have a problem with him well then you have a problem with me
fuck off


Wacko's Buddy, on Oct 01 2008 10:43:25 AM wrote:
The guy with the suck it shirt is the OG Johnny Wacko! And I know that through your little description you said nothing of ill will towards him in person purely based on his high degree of hurting people. Physically and mentally. Next time you call someone a loser do it while they are in the vicinity so they can teach you about their expertise in popping joints out of place and rearranging facial features.
You geeky twats better recognize Johnny Wacko will make you hurt!!


Schoolboy, on Sep 28 2008 08:07:04 PM wrote:
The name of the guy wearing the Suck TShirt is John. Unlike you he is not a loser!
He is a righteous Bro who would do anything for a friend and this country. Anyone who knows him would say the same.
You owe this former U.S. Marine a sincere
apology.


James, on Sep 27 2008 03:46:14 PM wrote:
You should really post an apology to this guy. He is a real stand up guy, and I am glad to call him a friend and brother. You would be lucky to have a friend like him. You are the real loser for talking shit. I would say more, but I don't talk shit from my computer.


enough already, on Sep 26 2008 08:24:57 AM wrote:
BARF! Some of these folks just don't know any better. Let's just love all things that God made and move on...


George, on Sep 26 2008 02:07:11 AM wrote:
I hope it feels good to ask people to take their pictures and then slam them when you're home alone in front of the computer like such a big man. E-bullying is so cool. If you're the pinnacle of fashion and whats "in" how come we don't see any pictures of you up here in comparison. I wonder how much you laughed staring at your computer screen going "tee hee" as you commented at the people you photographed.
The man in the "I Suck" t-shirt is one of the nicest stand up guys I know. There's no one I know who can say anything different about the man.
Who the fuck gives a flying fuck about fashion anyway? If thats the big concern in your life then God bless you. There are more pressing matters and more important things in this existance to be worried about that what someone looks like or what fucking color is in or out this fucking season.
I hope you realize one day what a fucking vile human being you are and the world is better off without people like you. The less stupidity there is in this world the better it will be. So help us out, the people who have an open minds and hearts and just hang yourself.


archangel, on Sep 25 2008 11:04:36 PM wrote:
That's an American Hero your talking about, calling him a loser, a man who protected, this we call home, the U.S.A. as a U.S.M.C. what have you ever protected, you mouth from opening, your nuts from getting kicked in from some little girly boy that you are. Freedom of speech, is a given right, one that you don't know. If it was not for people like him, defending the world,you would not have that right. He earned the right to say what he wants, wear what he wants, to do what he wants, why, because he's not you, a loser


Monica Diablo, on Sep 25 2008 06:49:59 PM wrote:
I dare you say it to his face you friggin sorry excuse of a photographer! If you didn't like it you wouldn't have wasted your time takin the pic. You are obviously jealous and insecure about things within yourself for you to be knockin other people. Are you that yuppytard that picks his nose in the hyundai every day on the way to his 9 X 12 cubicle? Go pound salt! Next time show some real balls and tell your opinions to the people you insult. I dare you imbecile....I'm a chic and even I've got more moxi than you...SLAP!


ANNA, on Sep 25 2008 06:37:07 PM wrote:
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF LIVE & LET LIVE?
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE JUDGING PEOPLE?
HOW DO YOU KNOW THERE ARE PERVERTED ADS ON CRAIGSLIST UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY ARE A "LOSER" WHO LOOKS FOR THAT STUFF?!

YOU MUST HAVE A SICK MIND IF YOU WOULD RATHER SEE A HOMELESS MAN TAKE A SHIT THAN SEE A VERY HEALTHY DICK!

THE "LOSER" IS A GREAT GUY AND HIS NAME IS JOHN...
HE WILL HELP ANYBODY WHO NEEDS IT. HE HAS SERVED HIS COUNTRY WITH HONOR. HE HAS THE RESPECT OF MANY PEOPLE IN ALL WALKS OF LIFE... BIKERS, COMPUTER GEEKS, OLD FOLKS, LITTLE KIDS... NO MATTER WHO HE COMES IN CONTACT WITH. HIS SENSE OF HUMOR IS AWESOME. HE KNOWS HOW TO HAVE A GOOD TIME AND LIVE A GOOD LIFE.

NOBODY IS PERFECT BUT YOU ARE JUST NOT A GOOD JUDGE OF PEOPLE...

I THINK YOU NEED TO TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT YOURSELF SOMETIME... DO YOU GET RESPECT FROM THE WORLD AROUND YOU? HAVE YOU ANY HONOR? PERHAPS A GOOD SHRINK MAY HELP YOU WITH THAT ASS-HOLE-ISM YOU SUFFER FROM!

I WILL PRAY FOR YOUR QUICK RECOVERY!!!


you are a fucktard, on Sep 25 2008 03:36:36 PM wrote:
God you're a douchecock, who the fuck are you to find random pictures of people and try to be a clever little asswipe. How about you stop making shit up about random photos you stroke off to on myspace. This picture is obviously a gas, its supposed to be funny and it is, because the guy you are so idiotically trying to rip on, is doing it for a reason... you little tit squeeze who do you think took this picture, a website fucktard ready to write abusive comments, nah buddy friends, i suppose those are things you are unfortunately without eh, too bad cock bag, try realizing this guy has more friends then people you've sexually seduced in an ebaumsworld chat room, and has done more interesting amazingly cool things then you have spread your legs for any sailor with some coin.


Moose, on Sep 25 2008 03:26:17 PM wrote:
Let me tell you the man you called a loser .first I call brother. second friend.He will and has helped alot of people . God does have a special place for this man . and the most important thing about JOHN is he servered our country (HHMMMM did you ??) He didnt just serve he was a MARINE. So to call him a loser .Well We feel you are very WRONG and OWE him a appology . one more question isnt N.Y. a melting pot of all? I love to go to NYC just to see the different people. No balled losers like you who hide behind a computer and a camera should know about a person before you write total bullshit and slander.. looking forward to seeing your apology to Johnny very soon . Johnny if you read this .
love ya BRO .
Marcel and Marlane aka Mr.&Mrs. Moose


Punisher, on Sep 25 2008 01:17:14 PM wrote:
You assholes don't have the balls to talk shit in someones face. So, you hide behind a computer and get "Copm Muscles"! Real fucking tough! That t-shirt dude would bust your ass in a heart beat. "Semper Fi" t-shirt dude!


Wild Hill, on Sep 25 2008 10:44:21 AM wrote:
My friend John is your "loser", the guy with the piercings. You don't know him, you don't who he is. So fuck you. He's a funny guy and great friend. Who are you to call someone else a loser? I'm sure you feel pretty safe doing this because you'd never say these things to their face. You take their picture than shit on them later. Even now as I write this, I'm regretting the fact that I'm giving you any attention.


Ant, on Sep 25 2008 07:27:12 AM wrote:
Hey shine box take down the comments about the guy with the piercings! In reality you don't know him or anything about him so what you are saying when you call him a loser is SLANDER! Just because some one is NOT like you (as you sit alone in your room and mock people from a safe distance)it doesn't make them losers! He happens to be one of the coolest not to mention nicest people I have ever met. In the 8 years I know him NO ONE would ever call him a loser! Fun yeah silly some times but a loser? NEVER! Go back to The Gap and buy yourself some new khakis and polo shirts! We are not entertained and now seeing you mock some one and be so off base I question the legitimacy of the rest of the "comedy" on your site! Whats worse is you're probably some sniveling little slave to the main stream with no idea of what originality or creativity is! In fact I bet this website is a way for you to subconsciously get back at everyone who picked on you in school! Who were you in High school? The kid with the permanent wedgie? or maybe the dateless kid on prom night? Did they used to lock you in your locker in gym class? Bet it didn't feel so hot! So tell me what makes what you are doing to these innocent people ok? Hypocracy is weak man weak and petty! Go do something creative with your time and leave the innocent alone!


laurel, on Sep 25 2008 07:13:54 AM wrote:
Judging a book by it's cover... didn't your mother teach you anything? Do you have a mother? How in the world can you call someone a "fucking loser" based solely on what he's wearing? What the hell is wrong with you? I'm incredibly insulted that you labeled one of the kindest, sweetest and most generous man I know with such a grotesque opinion. Granted -- it's your opinion -- and who am I to change it... but you couldn't have been farther than the truth. It's just wrong -- Shame on you!!!!!


russ, on Sep 25 2008 06:50:23 AM wrote:
what makes the world so beautiful, is all the diversity in it, and john is one diverse mutha fuckah. one of the kindest, generous and most caring people to walk the earth. shame on you....now shoo before i slap ya with my prince albert.


Mike, on Sep 25 2008 04:50:44 AM wrote:
Get a real job you dumb ass fuck. go move to L.A and chase around Brittney Spears. Johhny is a great guy always having a good time. I would love to see what kind of clothes you walk around in. I would take pictures of you post them on some big fucking billboards and have a stupid mindlees saying, I'm a fucking ugly Cunt with no life and nothing better to do then take your picture, if you see me around smile for the camera.... Your a fucking load your mother sould have swolload. I would love to run into you.....WITH MY TRUCK!! take a picture of that, look the retard couldn't get out of the way of the moving vechile, maybe he should have dressed better. Thanks for you time DOUCHBAG


Phil, on Sep 25 2008 02:26:20 AM wrote:
I usually dont waste time on faceless douchebags who hide in their mom's basement writing a blog, but since you took time to slander a friend of mine I figured I'd weigh in. The guy in the picture with the nipple-rings exposed is one of the most stand-up men I've ever met in my life, and someone I consider a real friend. I am willing to bet that when you took this picture of him, you didn't tell him that you were looking to sit in your underwear and write unoriginal internet banter about him. I imagine that you are far too scared and clammy to ever have the wherewithal to ever confront anyone in your real life in person, let alone a target for your bullshit blog. I'm sure your mommy told you that if you can't say something nice, keep your pussy closed. Speaking of which... Stop jerking off into your mom's muu-muus, they stick to her ass in the supermarket... it's embarassing. I am sure that the gent in the picture won't be happy with my answer to your blog, he is far too kind. I however don't give a shit about you, and hope you die of full blown AIDS.


shelby , on Sep 25 2008 12:42:08 AM wrote:
i'd like to make it known that the so called "loser" whose shirt reads "suck" with the hand pointing to his genitals is one of the coolest mother fuckers i have ever met in my life, not to mention a close friend, i can only imagine the lifeless loser who is so desperately disappointed in their own life, that they'd have to go and fuck with people much more fulfilled and happier than them due to fashion, long story short you're lucky i can't find you. you're A PUSSY MOTHER FUCKING CUNT- much love to you J.W
-fuck you bitch- shelby


CIN , on Sep 25 2008 12:28:40 AM wrote:
Your comment about my friend being a "loser" is so far from the truth that it is absolutely absurd!!! How small minded of you to poke vicious and slanderous fun at such an amazing and wonderful guy!!! He is someone that I respect and LOVE and the world is lucky to have someone who truly has a sense of humor, adventure and fun!!! I hope a homeless man takes a shit on your head so I feel no guilt for calling you what you truly are for writing such a fucked up thing about someone you only met for a second and someone I hope to get the chance to know for a lifetime!!! so JW - LOVE YA - everyone else can eat a bag of rotten dicks =)~


Tracy, on Sep 24 2008 11:29:41 PM wrote:
Re: Suck shirt with nipple rings showing

This man is a dear friend of mine, and anyone who calls him a loser is a complete moron. He has a heart of gold and loves to have fun. He would do anything for a friend and sometimes a stranger. He’s intelligent and playful and the reason we love him is that he does things like wear a shirt like that. It’s him being John. That’s who he is and that’s why he’s MY friend.

It’s really sad that you have nothing better to than go to fun events and judge everyone there. In my opinion, your inability to just let people be who they are and being so judgmental makes you a loser. Lighten up and back off from John. He’s 100x the person you are and will ever be.


diane, on Sep 24 2008 10:41:00 PM wrote:
We are sooo quick to yell "freedom of speech" when it serves our purposes but when it doesn't the to hell with it. so some people are different and choose to express themselves differently, isn't that what makes us wonderful. Just because someone dresses or does something that may not agree with your taste doesn't mean they are wrong or less of a person for doing it. your definition of a "loser" may not be everyone elses.


JustJoe, on Sep 24 2008 10:25:11 PM wrote:
I looked at these, then I looked at the "do's"
What a fucking joke. What Abercrombie shopping hipster put this list together? Some of the people you label are scene INSTITUTIONS. You know, people who make the scene, rather than write about it. You take your girlfriends pink camera and wander into the counterculture and take pictures. You're the outsider, looking in. Get over it.

Move out of your sister's basement. We can't all wear popped collars.

I hear they're hiring at The Gap.

Wannabees.


J W, on Sep 24 2008 10:10:34 PM wrote:
So I am the loser in the Suck Picture

I know this thread is a few years old
But its gonna get some Action now..

Because I may be a lot of things in Life

But a Loser ain't one of them...

You met me for 30 Seconds and you publish the fact that I am a loser.

If your gonna say something like that about someone and publish it have more input then a 30 second chance meeting.

You have an ethical obligation to your own personal integrity to publish Something that can be construed as slander in a court of law

Let alone a chance meeting of street justice and that’s not a threat just a fact of life.

Thank you for your Time


Subject: Fuck
Date: Feb 08 2006 11:06:34 PM
Author: Dick

I like to say Dick, and Fuck.



Subject: TPB
Date: Jan 30 2006 08:07:01 AM
Author: skana

good job



Subject: Little backpacks
Date: Nov 09 2005 11:37:02 PM
Author: Adam

Maybe it was too much all at once, but you guys seem to have overlooked the sweatstains creeping through that jock's backpack. Also the backfat oozing over the right strap could use a cheering section.



Subject: puppet feller
Date: Oct 16 2005 06:57:30 PM
Author: westeyes

fuckin' A buds! It's nice to see a little reference to both Bubbles (brain dude) and Ricky(wicked son of the GUY IN THE CHAIR!). Keep it comin' dudes, and all them haters should suck a big ol' throbbin' dick



Subject: oh snap
Date: Sep 27 2005 03:03:57 PM
Author: flux

i think this gave me diarhea.



Subject: Un-F%@#n-Funny
Date: Sep 26 2005 12:14:53 PM
Author: Stabby Joe

Except for the Asian -woman in blue and the I suck guy, everything else SUCKED!! Wow 3 out of 12 way to go Assholes!



Subject: ad shite
Date: Sep 25 2005 10:44:32 PM
Author: skippy pendergrass

that Diesel ad with the guy getting tic-tac-toe whipped onto his back is the biggest fucking don't on this page. tell me it's not.



Subject: lol
Date: Sep 24 2005 10:53:28 PM
Author: cc mcgam

I never l.o.l, that shit's for muppets.



Subject: nips
Date: Sep 24 2005 01:51:58 PM
Author: johnny granola

nips suck



Subject: TPB.
Date: Sep 23 2005 03:32:29 PM
Author: Jmc

TPB is in the States. It's on Showcase.

All I gots to say: WADING POOL FULL OF VOKDA.

Fucking HILARIOUS.

And then after, when Ricky's squeezing his shirt out into a glass of OJ. FUCK.



Subject: ricky
Date: Sep 22 2005 01:41:32 AM
Author: oh canada

ricky definatley would've been eating pepporoni or jalapeno chips.



Subject: donts
Date: Sep 21 2005 09:46:07 PM
Author: nizzle

I don't get it...Are you telling me that Americans don't know about CONKY? Gimme a break!



Subject: sluts
Date: Sep 17 2005 12:03:46 PM
Author: zach and jonny.com

What the fuck are you on about, never gonna let anyone leave this magazine around here again.

Are you tellin me if you saw some little scally bitch sittin on a bench you wouldn't go and fuck her and her mate.

Fuck the italian fashion victim, she;l just fuck with your head. With a slut you know where you are.

Wankers



Subject: Conky
Date: Sep 15 2005 07:17:28 PM
Author: Bubs

who found that dirty cocksucker



Subject: t-shirt t'shit
Date: Sep 14 2005 08:21:37 PM
Author: aaron elston

The bold t-shirt that says "suck" with an arrow down reminds me of the t-shirt my pal wore to the Iowa vs. Iowa State football game. It read "Iowa vs. Iowa State - The Only Day R@pe is Legal." It got a lot of laughs and was well understood before the game, but after- well, Iowa got their asses smashed and everyone made fun of him. To which he replied, "hey, at least r@pe is still legal."



Subject: Gavin
Date: Sep 13 2005 12:00:29 PM
Author: Good Taste

Maybe the self-proclaimed King of Do's and Don'ts should re-think the facial hair...and the attitude. Where would he be (and how would he look) without the obvious guidance of his fashionista fiance? This section is really just a cheap rip-off of Vanity Fair's pop culture barometer...except that VF does it with some class.



Subject: DON'T destroy fairytales....please....
Date: Sep 13 2005 06:45:22 AM
Author: palle

http://www.pixelbooks.net/Satyr/PacSatyr.htm

jesus, people !!??
it's about time we put our foot down and say no!
i mean, aren't fairytale creatures supposed to be pretty and mysterious?
what's next? my accountent dresses up as a unicorn and poud and wink?
for fucks sake, you are not magic!
seriously you guys, put on some real clothes and get a job!



Subject: johnny
Date: Sep 12 2005 04:23:32 PM
Author: five

your a dick



Subject: Buttnugget spellfucks
Date: Sep 11 2005 06:20:17 PM
Author: Krapster

This don'ts cracked me up. Bubbles for prez. Now, would EVERYONE please stop spelling "you're" wrong?



Subject: VICE!
Date: Sep 09 2005 04:19:54 PM
Author: sofia carbone

LOLOLOL i fucking love ur site



Subject: what a shit website
Date: Sep 09 2005 03:47:52 PM
Author: Tim

what the fuck is the point of this site how pathetic is the stupid cunt who spends his time bitching about how people dress. God what a shit life you must have you complete and utter loser why the fuck are you even alive??? Kill yourself you sad pathetic loser. dear god what a nasty little cunt.



Subject: Wow, those outfits.
Date: Sep 08 2005 04:49:46 PM
Author: MoJo

I can't believe these people actually left their houses looking like they do. The funny thing is that these outfits aren't "I will just put on what ever is the least dirty out of the laundry pile" compilations <--is that spelled right ? i dunno... These outfits took a lot of time and consideration. These people put alot of effort into looking like blind people whose housekeepers mislabled their brail <--is that spelled right? clothing & shoe tags.



Subject: theo - chill out man
Date: Sep 08 2005 09:50:49 AM
Author: rural route won

theo, yeah, i get it, worst issue ever, ha ha, that meta fucking irony is really sick yo, pile it on and let's fucking party like it's 1989, up is down and don't be so square. fuck you, too.



Subject: Coke Whores
Date: Sep 08 2005 03:39:21 AM
Author: Alyson

Who' the guy wearing the Sacred shirt? That is hilarious!



Subject: tp boys
Date: Sep 07 2005 04:47:43 PM
Author: juju

im canadian i dont get it.........really

richard?



Subject: jock
Date: Sep 06 2005 10:16:06 PM
Author: Adam Nation

seriously dude. i wanna see you take that backpack off. like, i wanna buy you jager bombs, until you are good and gay (from the looks of you, 3), then take you back to my apartment, and put a little marvin gaye. i would laugh so hard watching your epic struggle with your back-fanny pack, blood would shoot out my nose.


btw, nipple ring dude is one soap washed mullet away from coming full circle to an amazing Do, and you know it


-adam nation
sharpskinred@Msn.com



Subject: rural route won doesnt understand shit
Date: Sep 05 2005 01:14:29 PM
Author: theo

I can't believe I'm still saying this months after the fact. I'm talking to whoever mentioned the don'ts section of the worst issue ever. I'm going to say this only once more. IT WAS THE WORST ISSUE EVER! I MEAN, HOW HARD IS IT TO UNDERSTAND! IT FUCKING SAYS IT IN THE VERY FUCKING TITLE OF THE ISSUE!!! THE - WORST - ISSUE - EVER !!! You get me now? It was MEANT TO BE BAD! You fucking idiot.



Subject: don'ts
Date: Sep 03 2005 05:13:00 PM
Author: ron

Good choice of don'ts. Didn't mind the slut chick so much though.

Good call on the dude with the tiny backback. Looks pretty bad. Dude is clueless.



Subject: text
Date: Sep 02 2005 01:11:04 PM
Author: rural route won

ok, vice d&d can be good, sure, but no, not so much this time, and that's ok. i just read a backissue (worst ever) and they just made fun of homeless people. not funny. sometimes, it's a scream - pajama capes, and what they said about the wigger coming full circle back to amazing, i laughed for a long time at that one - it's funnier when there's some positivity to it. but the fart shirt was dumb, real dumb, and they should've said something about what hot hands that guy had. in the dos. it's funnier when it's positive cos you're not expecting that from some smartass subcult zine - are you listening, vice scribes?!



Subject: Vice Sucks
Date: Sep 02 2005 12:23:28 PM
Author: fuck you

Who the fuck is writing the do's and don'ts? Because who ever they are, they need to be slapped and then fired and then re-hired and crapped on then fired again. This fucking sucks.



Subject: whaddyamean, no internet?
Date: Sep 02 2005 09:33:51 AM
Author: monkslut

Fuck you, Vice. She could be rocking Reason or ProTools. She could be marking your granddaughter's homework. Or she could be using the unsecured wireless router in the closed travel agent's office next door to google Happy Days, or maybe post a comment on viceland.com.



Subject: tupac
Date: Sep 02 2005 05:00:25 AM
Author: gusto

thuglife - 't'= huglife



Subject: bubbles is god
Date: Aug 31 2005 02:41:19 PM
Author: bored at work in montreal

bubbles and ricky and julian and corey and trevor and randy and mr leahy are awesome...
VICE...put Bubbles on the cover...no big deal...



Subject: fish sticks?
Date: Aug 31 2005 03:35:59 AM
Author: graverobber

Ricky woulda had chicken fingers... the good kind- eight bucks!



Subject: CAPS LOCKDOWN
Date: Aug 31 2005 03:14:14 AM
Author: Jigga Teal

please let "CHUCK CHILLA" write the next Dos & Don'ts. i promise it will be hilarious.



Subject: what is this shit?
Date: Aug 30 2005 06:39:14 PM
Author: your mother

can you please write something funny? what happened?



Subject: trailer park boys
Date: Aug 30 2005 05:07:13 PM
Author: matt

i loved that show when i was in canada, they need to bring that shit to the U.S. Bubbles kicks so much fucking ass



Subject: Rarely Obligatory **
Date: Aug 30 2005 03:11:49 PM
Author: Aurora

Clearly u've been waitin for someone to bring this up... so today I oblige. Why is that lass with the Chewit or watever smacked in a gob on both the Do's and Dont's page respectively??....Wwwith no comment?? WAT..WAT...? Is the intern fuckin a or sumthin??



Subject: WHO WRITES THIS CRAP
Date: Aug 30 2005 03:21:29 PM
Author: CHUCK CHILLA

I COULD SHIT ON THESE PEOPLE SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHO EVER WROTE THIS MONKEY JIZ. (TO THE WRITER) FUCK YOU FUCK YOUR FATHER UP THE ASS WITH A RAMBO KNIVE FOR FUCKING YOUR MOTHER AND HAVING YOUR LAME ASS.OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND ILL SHIT IN IT CRAP FACE!!!!!!



Subject: SUBJECT
Date: Aug 30 2005 11:22:45 AM
Author: NAME

PLATFORM SANDALS ARE ALWAYS A DONT UNLESS YOUR A FAT STRIPPER AND THEY HAVE GOLD FISH OR SOMESHIT INSIDE... WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE KEEP IN THAT LITTLE BACKPACK? OR IS IT JUST FOR LOOKS? WHAT DOES HE TELL HIS LITTLE FRIEND TO GET THINGS OUT FOR HIM CAUSE YOU KNOW IT WOULD BE A BITCH TO GET SOMETHING OUT FOR HIM HE WOULD HAVE TO BUST A REACH AROUND OR SOME SHIT



Subject: leecifer
Date: Aug 29 2005 06:32:51 PM
Author: benjamin

i just realized that the crotch grabber is also the wedding lover. fancy that. If we get merried will you grab my crotch from behind at the altar? I do.



Subject: vice
Date: Aug 29 2005 06:24:25 PM
Author: ben

Some of you make sure to post a comment the day a new issue comes out about how much vice sucks and how you're over it. Well, you're not. You all love this magazine and none of you are awesome except the nice Brooklyn lady who crotch grabbed the slut. i like her.



Subject: crackula
Date: Aug 29 2005 04:09:51 PM
Author: atmanone

if crackula could do a better job in his basement, he'd know that it's:
p.s. then p.p.s.
not
p.s. then p.s.s.
idiot



Subject: shut-up
Date: Aug 29 2005 12:58:22 PM
Author: pony

I'm fucking sick of people
saying Vice sucks. Stop
fucking reading it and move
on. And for those of us who get it:
good work



Subject: and the sluttage
Date: Aug 28 2005 11:55:43 PM
Author: leecifer

those chicks with the ass-revealing shorts were in williamsburg the other night. I cracked up so hard that I had to crotch-grab one of them from behind and then I just cracked up more cause she thought someone was sexually harassing her and she got all offended and righteous and shit. cause a)i'm a girl and i so wasn't and b)wtf are you asking for with those absurd shorts? underwear would offer less exposure. please. my eyes still hurt.



Subject: I heart new york
Date: Aug 28 2005 11:40:28 PM
Author: leecifer

the sad thing is that i live with these people. they congregate on brooklyn and the east village and then they don't understand that the gunshots at night are meant for them. I literally saw that chick with the "fuck" t-shirt at the laundromat the other day. I need to move to Canada but I think they'd deny me entry.



Subject: Girl in Bar
Date: Aug 28 2005 09:31:56 PM
Author: Mary

I agree that the chick with the laptop in the bar is kinda tacky, but did you think she just might be doing her homework or something? I mean she's all the way in the corner of the room hiding out. Oh man, that guy with the nipple holes....he so enjoys the attention he gets from looking so retarded.



Subject: boots don't
Date: Aug 28 2005 09:10:50 PM
Author: m

those boots are from banana republic, even funnier



Subject: slut girls
Date: Aug 28 2005 01:02:34 PM
Author: flaco

I know one of them and she does sit around and eat candy bars and watch rickki lake all day. you guys are like psychic.



Subject: x
Date: Aug 28 2005 02:20:31 AM
Author: x

That's pixelating, sweety, not blurring.



Subject: small back pack
Date: Aug 27 2005 11:21:56 PM
Author: can of pepsi

Usually i agree with most of the do`s and don`ts. But i have to say, it`s my amateur opinion that the tiny backpack thing is hilarious. I dont think i could pull it off, but kudos to those who can. who said irony was uncool? its a do, and that`s that.



Subject: blurs
Date: Aug 27 2005 04:01:05 PM
Author: danko justice

why are they bluring shit?



Subject: Tupac
Date: Aug 27 2005 03:54:35 PM
Author: the Kernel

I thought that dood was dead.



Subject: thug life and emptied the clip
Date: Aug 27 2005 02:04:30 AM
Author: heywood j'bloughme

TUPAC IS A DOOOOOO BITCHES!!!!!



Subject: Do not entrust this column to ass clowns
Date: Aug 27 2005 12:18:48 AM
Author: Michael

God, the butt plug interns who write this shit need to go back to Bard/Yale and concentrate on what they do best: milking another grand from daddy Halliburton. This magazine is one flush away from duketown.



Subject: conky!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: Aug 26 2005 07:46:49 PM
Author: the subliminal kid

we should get ricky and julian to kick the shit out of that nipple-window freak.
TPB rules!!



Subject: i guess it was bound to happen
Date: Aug 26 2005 04:40:54 PM
Author: ab

Is it just me or has this mag become crammed full of diesel, ads and shit that isin't really that funny? we can finilay say it, vice has fallen the fuck off. to bad you had to fuck up a good thing.
so long vice



Subject: bang on
Date: Aug 26 2005 04:41:19 PM
Author: hole

"Romanian-piano-teacher-shoes". Simply could not have been better put...I swear it's true..I swear.



Subject: honeymooner
Date: Aug 26 2005 04:32:00 PM
Author: stabby mcstabberson

there's something wrong with me, because i thought with the popped collar and the matching socks with platforms, she looked cute for an older lady....



Subject: don't ever change
Date: Aug 26 2005 03:01:22 PM
Author: Amelia Bedelia

I really hope dos/donts dude continues to exploit the vast comic potential of using the word "literally" for punchlines.




Subject: improvements.
Date: Aug 26 2005 12:03:12 PM
Author: seymore

i don't know man, i think there are actually improvements in this issue's dos and don't. maybe tupac was taken on halloween daytime? cuz "THUG LIFE" looked really home made and lopsided.



Subject: it is time
Date: Aug 26 2005 11:17:41 AM
Author: office chairman

post rock + post punk + free jazz = the future

Get a fucking suit and quit dressing like a cornhole.



Subject: OUT OF STEEEEEEM
Date: Aug 26 2005 10:49:49 AM
Author: CRACKULA # 1 BITCHE$$$$$$$$$

YOU RETARDS NEED TO CALL YOUR PARENTS TO BARROW ANOTHER GRAND OR TWO ( THIS YEAR )AND TAKE A VUPOSINA BREAK TO RE-FUEL YOUR APPARENT LACK OF OBSERVATION .

I COULD DO YOUR JOB BETTER SHOOTING OUT OF MY BASEMENT IN THE BRONX.

P.S YOUR A RESPONCE IS USELESS
P.S.S. MAYBEE A GROUP COE-LON-IK WOULD HELP GET YOU OUT OF THE SLUMP



Subject: kjkjljlj
Date: Aug 25 2005 09:11:16 PM
Author: ljljljlj

maybe they got the guy who won the dos and donts comp to do this months captions



Subject: ?
Date: Aug 25 2005 03:55:37 PM
Author: room for improving

not as funny. dunno why, just not as funny..



Subject: bad
Date: Aug 25 2005 08:42:40 AM
Author: mk

chucky said it. bad.



Subject: trailerpark boyzzz
Date: Aug 24 2005 07:49:04 PM
Author: Nick

i feel like you put that asterisk note thing there just to see how many americans are like "hey im down with trailer park boys and i live in florida"

quit mentioning every little thing im really into before i come up there and demand a job at gunpoint



Subject: lhnnb
Date: Aug 24 2005 07:47:51 PM
Author: hgtghgfd

YEA DUDE! DOS AND DONTS!



Subject: that's three months in a row
Date: Aug 24 2005 11:23:32 AM
Author: KEv

OK I laughed out loud the past three issues. Who ever they got as a new guy they had better keep. The do's and don'ts are back!



Subject: Don't
Date: Aug 24 2005 07:55:22 AM
Author: jeezel

I got a homo diesel ad in the middle of the page, some cockmagnet holding a whip or something.

If you recycle one of your formula quips this could easily be a don't.



Subject: Doll
Date: Aug 24 2005 03:01:38 AM
Author: Morgan

Conky! I thought Ricky blew you into smithereens.



Subject: more crap
Date: Aug 24 2005 02:12:38 AM
Author: chucky

Jesus, these were terrible.



Subject: bobby handmedowns
Date: Aug 24 2005 12:49:22 AM
Author: chris

doesn't he kind of look like he just shit his pants and is standing there going, "uh guys, i think, maybe, we should find a mcdonalds. i need, a, uh, burger."



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