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| Why do Nazis get their panties in such a bind about race mixing? Have you ever watched a mutt and a thoroughbred go up the stairs? The mutt just zips up there like it ain't no thang and the bullmastiff or whatever has to take about ten breaks. That's why if you're small or black or male or female you need to iron out the kinks by breeding the opposite of yourself. The next generation will thank you. |
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As we've said a million times before, old dudes look better than you because they've figured out exactly what suits their vibe. They understand how funny they look and know how to perfectly accentuate that with subtle comedic touches that say, "I know my mouth looks funny." |
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Ah ha ha. That is classic. Making fun of L.A. dinks by dressing up as airhead electroclash cunts and pea-brained metrosexual male models.
Holy shit, what if they're not kidding? What if it's just a bunch of L.A. "funsters" oblivious to how much we hate their Hollywood guts? (Putting my hands on my ears) I can't hear you blah blah nah nah blah. |
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What a great fucking dad this guy is. He doesn't have gel in his hair or take snowboard lessons, he just fixes stuff, builds his daughter a seven-story doll house, and wears the five things he's been wearing since you were born. |
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| Some people just reach out into the ether and pull out all the bad-ass Knight Rider slickness that the rest of us don't even know is there. There's so much power in this guy's steez he makes you want to live in his beer. Imagine how his fucking lips taste? |
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You don't see a lot of these Joanna Newsom-type New York hippies since Alleged left and what's-her-name died but they seem to be making a comeback, thank God. (They make good girlfriends because they do weird shit in bed and have tons of cool stuff in their apartment.) |
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| We tend to take a big wet dump on accessories but this bitch has so much great shit draped all over her you can't really fuck with it. She kind of makes me want to do the drummer from Early Man, which is fucked-up because that's on some gay shit. |
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Since when are ten-year-olds so intimidating? I mean, I can stomach the fact that my bones are too brittle to ride a skateboard anymore, but throw a three-piece suit and some wingtips into the mix and this little shitstain makes me feel like Barbara Bush. |
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| Dude is just chilling. He’s unflappable. You could be like, “Humpty, what if nobody shows up to our party?” and he’d be all, “Don’t worry about it, doood.” |
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This fucker is starting a whole new thing. Soon these “Willy Wonka punks” are going to be all over New York, drowning German kids in chocolate rivers and getting shitfaced in Loompaland and stuff.
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We went to see Maiden this week and happened upon hundreds of unintentional DOs. They had perfect Harley purses and hot feathered hair and were so far gone into white trash land, they had become haute couture.
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These two should start a band called Wank Fantasy.
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A lot of gays will tell you guys look good with jizz on their faces and, if you’re in love, that may very well be true. But from a straight perspective, we think nothing looks better than a guy with his face just dripping with hot, wet beer. And then he’s all licking it like a little whore...I’m getting a heteroboner. |
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