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Tiny shorts and little legs stuffed into big leather boots puts girls on a Country-and-Western pedestal that says, "I'm frail and delicate enough to always make you horny" BUT "I am also prepared to defend you and kick the shit out of anyone that disparages you in any way." When you see girls like this you lean over to your friend and say, "Wife."





Oh man, there's nothing like a girl that knows how much we like her. That's one of the few upsides to a million Puerto Ricans a day hooting and hollering and saying "What's your name, mami?"
It's annoying if she's middle class but if she's from that neighborhood it eventually gives her that "just been laid" confidence that makes the rest of us feel like virgins.
You know a guy is a DO when he makes you hate everyone else on earth for not being equally amazing. Oh, you bought someone a beer? Congratulations! This guy took a severely handicapped gimp to the skate park and had him doing 360 Benihanas so far over the hip his fucking pillows flew off.

Why do Nazis get their panties in such a bind about race mixing? Have you ever watched a mutt and a thoroughbred go up the stairs? The mutt just zips up there like it ain't no thang and the bullmastiff or whatever has to take about ten breaks. That's why if you're small or black or male or female you need to iron out the kinks by breeding the opposite of yourself. The next generation will thank you. As we've said a million times before, old dudes look better than you because they've figured out exactly what suits their vibe. They understand how funny they look and know how to perfectly accentuate that with subtle comedic touches that say, "I know my mouth looks funny."

Ah ha ha. That is classic. Making fun of L.A. dinks by dressing up as airhead electroclash cunts and pea-brained metrosexual male models.
Holy shit, what if they're not kidding? What if it's just a bunch of L.A. "funsters" oblivious to how much we hate their Hollywood guts? (Putting my hands on my ears) I can't hear you blah blah nah nah blah.
What a great fucking dad this guy is. He doesn't have gel in his hair or take snowboard lessons, he just fixes stuff, builds his daughter a seven-story doll house, and wears the five things he's been wearing since you were born.

Some people just reach out into the ether and pull out all the bad-ass Knight Rider slickness that the rest of us don't even know is there. There's so much power in this guy's steez he makes you want to live in his beer. Imagine how his fucking lips taste? You don't see a lot of these Joanna Newsom-type New York hippies since Alleged left and what's-her-name died but they seem to be making a comeback, thank God. (They make good girlfriends because they do weird shit in bed and have tons of cool stuff in their apartment.)

We tend to take a big wet dump on accessories but this bitch has so much great shit draped all over her you can't really fuck with it. She kind of makes me want to do the drummer from Early Man, which is fucked-up because that's on some gay shit. Since when are ten-year-olds so intimidating? I mean, I can stomach the fact that my bones are too brittle to ride a skateboard anymore, but throw a three-piece suit and some wingtips into the mix and this little shitstain makes me feel like Barbara Bush.

Dude is just chilling. He’s unflappable. You could be like, “Humpty, what if nobody shows up to our party?” and he’d be all, “Don’t worry about it, doood.”

This fucker is starting a whole new thing. Soon these “Willy Wonka punks” are going to be all over New York, drowning German kids in chocolate rivers and getting shitfaced in Loompaland and stuff.
We went to see Maiden this week and happened upon hundreds of unintentional DOs. They had perfect Harley purses and hot feathered hair and were so far gone into white trash land, they had become haute couture.

These two should start a band called Wank Fantasy.
A lot of gays will tell you guys look good with jizz on their faces and, if you’re in love, that may very well be true. But from a straight perspective, we think nothing looks better than a guy with his face just dripping with hot, wet beer. And then he’s all licking it like a little whore...I’m getting a heteroboner.



Your email:
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Comments:

Subject: hot
Date: Jul 08 2006 07:05:12 PM
Author: brett

pic #2 is so hot



Subject: .
Date: Mar 07 2006 01:15:25 PM
Author: fuck off

skateboards are cool.



Subject: whaaaa
Date: Dec 13 2005 06:41:27 PM
Author: Toothbrush_Man

Too much typing on all these comments, quit trying so hard.

Girls in first pic = HOOOOOT
Lil' Arnold w/ Skateboard = PIMP

The rest? I forgot already



Subject: meh
Date: Sep 10 2005 06:05:16 AM
Author: seiju

skataboards are cool, just like huey dooey and looey,and my pet poodle pooey!! sounds yum yumms



Subject: kewl
Date: Sep 10 2005 06:03:27 AM
Author: carl

"why da fcuk does every one keep calling my "fuck off" its not me name i keep telling them, but thye still keep calling me it"



Subject: skateboards
Date: Sep 05 2005 06:02:47 PM
Author: john carpenter


skateboards are cool.



Subject: The kid in the suit
Date: Aug 05 2005 09:36:01 AM
Author: Your mama

two of those please.

Is there any way to adopt that kid? he's the coolest I've seen all fucking year.



Subject: tunisia
Date: Aug 05 2005 05:02:00 AM
Author: apiif

yeah, tunisia, go tunisia!
I want to see tunisia do's and don'ts...
by don't die by the government death now child.
xxxooo



Subject: Nice magaziene
Date: Jul 28 2005 05:45:18 AM
Author: Hikmet (from (Tunis))

Aa helo i am young boy from tunis tunisia I like wery much Vice magasine!! Very cool article wis god locking boy and girls!! here in tunis not much people they are very cool and very very much hope can com to USA and EUROPA hope COOL LONDON AND SUEDE very bueutiful GIRLS!!! HAHAHA !!! YOU NO WHAT MEAN????!!!!

If you want can I start vice magazin TUNISIA or Tripolis goverments very vrey bad can kill me so please help

thank and best summer to every body vice magazin and who read



Subject: vice writers are trendwhores
Date: Jul 28 2005 01:20:37 AM
Author: e

too bad new york invented electroclash...vice was all about electroclash. vice fucking loved wit and larry t and all of that bullshit!! LA may suck for many reasons but lately everyone dresses the same way as people do in new york...gypsy pirate hobo french revolutionary.



Subject: Knightrider dude
Date: Jul 26 2005 10:08:05 AM
Author: Warfucker De Bo Weevil

so are we all blowing donkeys today? horses beat themselves off. God damn.



Subject: i want one
Date: Jul 25 2005 06:38:38 AM
Author: moi

that 10 year old's a phukin dude! wher the hell do they grow chrildren like that cause want one!..

i can just see it ... my kids gunna hate me ... "just take the phucking bord!"



Subject: ...
Date: Jul 24 2005 10:15:48 PM
Author: ...

Derrick, you look like the idiot you are.



Subject: all lame people and only one a do
Date: Jul 20 2005 11:15:37 PM
Author: sweaty and the armhead suck

those girls on the couch are over. old guy with a happy hat is boooring. and thinkiing about what nightrider does during the daytime sucks. BUT, shit, man with gimp made me fuckin happy.



Subject: Just call me Mary Kay
Date: Jul 20 2005 12:25:42 AM
Author: Sami

Ok, that little kid is mine in 10 years.



Subject: good
Date: Jul 19 2005 10:11:52 PM
Author: jaf

All cool except the knightrider guy



Subject: Kid on the sk8 board
Date: Jul 19 2005 07:47:36 PM
Author: Astronomikl

Billionaire Boys Club......> for real!!



Subject: abc
Date: Jul 19 2005 07:40:37 PM
Author: def

fuck it, he's probably a 10 yr old mobster pro-skater. ouch.



Subject: 10 year old
Date: Jul 19 2005 09:35:27 AM
Author: talk hard

the 10 year old probably never skated in his life, he's just a mobster kid who stole the deck from some pro-skater



Subject: Oh boy
Date: Jul 18 2005 04:33:26 AM
Author: Mike

That short girl with the tits looks like Paula Abdul.



Subject: illiterate nation
Date: Jul 11 2005 07:17:03 PM
Author: English Teacher

It's "aesthetically"! Jeez, what's happened to the English language? Can't anybody spell anymore?



Subject: Iron out the black Kinks
Date: Jul 10 2005 01:04:16 PM
Author: Waste

Black people need less "fixing" asetically than white people? ....Might wanna look into what is actually asetically pleasing to most before making comments like that.



Subject: 'fuckface'
Date: Jul 09 2005 10:36:42 PM
Author: TROPICS

What do you mean, 'who am I'??



Subject: Iron out the black kinks?
Date: Jul 09 2005 02:22:49 PM
Author: puddin

Weird, that's just plain racist. I don't know dude, I think black people need way less "fixing", asthetically speaking, than white people do.



Subject: TROPICS
Date: Jul 08 2005 07:45:45 PM
Author: fuckface

who the FUCK are YOU?



Subject: gavin wrote this?
Date: Jul 08 2005 10:14:22 AM
Author: herbert

these captions suck. i dont know if you're writing this shit so hungover you can't be funny or, maybe, you're not hungover enough and are trying to hard BUT.. i dont have time in my life for this not-so-funny shit. please improve.

love, dad



Subject: Johanna Newsome Chick
Date: Jul 08 2005 09:09:47 AM
Author: Cabinderada

Hey, I'm all for the freak-folk stuff and off-kilter chicks do have some interesting stuff in their apartments, but the example provided here looks like a fucking linebacker! Look at those shoulders! Look at that butt! Jesus No! Fairy girls MUST work the wispy, willowy vibe or they trash the fantasy. Get back to the Art Institute, Debra.



Subject: the skate ramp cripple
Date: Jul 08 2005 08:49:01 AM
Author: webb

that is the coolest fuckin thing I have ever seen someone do to a terrified cripple who would surely scream in unholy terror if he weren't completely paralyzed.
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !!!



Subject: see that kid, thats your mum that is.
Date: Jul 08 2005 07:46:43 AM
Author: mongo pusher

hey Tropics i've been pushing mongo for the last 22 yrs. i'll put money on you not even skating anymore, i bet you just keep your board by the front door for when people come round so they can presume you still rip it. you loser.
At least that kid still carries his! (even if it is by the grindkings!)




Subject: vice is better when you can't read it
Date: Jul 07 2005 09:04:53 PM
Author: peepdis

if you want to see some dos that are actually funny, look at the google auto-translation of viceland italy's dos:

http://translate.google.com/translate?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww
.viceland.com%2Fit%2Fv1n1%2Fhtdocs%2Fdos.php&langpair=it
%7Cen&hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&prev=%2Flangua
ge_tools />
It's a pain cutting and pasting that link but it's worth it.

Sample caption (for dude with "Palyboy" jacket):

"Palyboy!? PALYBOY! Largest! You listen to me well: The tarocchi couture will be the new haute. There will be modelle for road ready to kill for l’ultima purse of Guci or Lou Vutton within year-end."



Subject: last part of the post before this one
Date: Jul 07 2005 08:45:59 PM
Author: TROPICS

...by the truck (mallgrab). And the trucks are Grind Kings.



Subject: nouveau rich hippie; foppish little tyke
Date: Jul 07 2005 08:16:25 PM
Author: TROPICS

Alright, two things. First off, the whole 'freak folk', 'weird America' bullshit that's being appropriated by so many fruitcakes these days is so fake and insincere it's a crime. Fuck Devendra Banhart, fuck Joanna Newsome, fuck Animal Collective. If any of you fucks really want to make a sincere lifestyle change and take the real deal for a spin, consume some dust, acid, and crack, and start listening to Sunburned Hand of the Man, Excepter, Eats Tapes, Moon and Moon, etc. Fashion will then be the last thing on your mind as you wonder how you're gonna call your mom on her birthday when she no longer exists in the same space vector as you.

From that picture though, okay okay, Joanna Newsome girl IS hot. She's just severely fucking uncool. But the fact that she just moved to Brooklyn from Newport Beach to take the subway and 'figure things out' should stop no one from taking advantage of the ludicrous adult-allowance she gets that allows her to be here (and be fucked).

Next, that 'fashionable' kid bothers me because he's going for that loud, Andre 3000, ethnic-dandy crap that every black or Latin dude who feels 'smarter' and 'different' thinks he can pull off. Also, when will people stop thinking that dressing 'nice' equals being fashionable or having good taste? Oh yeah, and as some of you already stated, despite the fact that he looks like a young Billy Valdez and has got a legit looking set-up, I bet money on that he pushes mongo and carries it



Subject: suits a skateboard
Date: Jul 07 2005 05:52:37 PM
Author: i'm lying, i actually DO wish i was him

you are barbara bush if you think you bones are too brittle to skate. and you gain nothing by empowering this little try hard who probably can't even get that board off the ground save for walking around the mall hoping avril sees him.



Subject: awesome little man
Date: Jul 07 2005 04:33:10 PM
Author: benjamin

That kid thinks you're all vapour, but can he dance?



Subject: oh my gimpy
Date: Jul 07 2005 01:07:59 PM
Author: tear-a-spleen-O


hey did you guys ever see that movie where the gimp gets fucked in the ass all time because he's chained up in the basement of some white power biker freaks?

maybe that guy felt guilty for blowing his load too quick and decided to give his gimp some leisure time at the skate park



Subject: .
Date: Jul 07 2005 05:59:42 AM
Author: .

thats the coolest kid i've ever seen. fuck, he's on fire!



Subject: gimp
Date: Jul 07 2005 04:24:04 AM
Author: sea saw

i give mad respect to the man pushing the gimp at the skatepark, gimps need an adrenaline rush too.



Subject: Whhaaat?
Date: Jul 07 2005 01:00:30 AM
Author: Brad

All the girls you have here are disgusting. I seriously haven't seen a good looking girl in the "dos" in awhile.

The only good part of these are the dad and the businessman/skateboarder.



Subject: cowboy boots
Date: Jul 06 2005 05:13:05 PM
Author: sharon

you like short skirts and cowboy boots? no fucking shit. get over it. most of those girls have crabs anyway.



Subject: wingtips
Date: Jul 06 2005 01:58:02 PM
Author: the duke of windsor

While the sentiment was good, and that young man would do well to get himself a nice pair of wingtips, those shoes are clearly not wingtips. Just because shoes are pointy does not make them wingtips. Regardless he is going to hurt himself on that skateboard and should ride the bus like his grandfather (the best do that ever was.) You guys really need to stick to your guns though. The badass dad who was born in a home depot and always smelled like saw dust would flip his shit if his daughter came home with the Knight Rider douche bag. You guys dropped the ball on that big fat don't. Shopping at the thrift store is great and everything, but not when you just grab three random "funny" things and call it an outfit.



Subject: been wondering
Date: Jul 06 2005 07:43:55 AM
Author: fashion / fashioff

is that chick on the front of the do's and dont's book a do or a dont?
Just cant decide.
Infact i'd say she's a do.



Subject: "skating is lame"
Date: Jul 06 2005 07:22:02 AM
Author: me

Generally, I would agree. But I think a ten year old Wall street broker can get away with anything.



Subject: These Suck So Much It Hurts
Date: Jul 06 2005 12:15:54 AM
Author: Alan Greenspan

Dear To Whom It May Concern,
Could you please get off your lazy ass and improve the Do's and Don'ts. These shits suck. Do whatever it takes. I do my part in this world. Do yours. Up your fucking game and fix this shit.

P. fuckin S. Having a contest is the equivalent of when that friend you have loses their job, sleeps with more than seven people in seven days, and starts trying drugs outside of their regular rotation; all in the course of a week: a cry for help.



Subject: I give up.
Date: Jul 05 2005 05:53:44 PM
Author: Hanae

Man that kid is so cool.



Subject: racemixing
Date: Jul 05 2005 04:12:01 PM
Author: em

she could suck his d standing up



Subject: hot sweatty girls on couch.
Date: Jul 04 2005 08:26:22 PM
Author: kilowatts

Look at them with those greasy faces and silly fake gucci bags. I can smell their armpits from the west coast. up all night on coke and and havivng quick fucks in a bathroom stall. but still ready to make you eggs on toast in the morning. Yes, they are wives.



Subject: Mc Guyver is better than Knight Rider
Date: Jul 04 2005 08:15:36 PM
Author: kilowatts

The dad is like Mc Guyver with his tool box. He's Ready to make a helicopter out of matchsticks and elmers glue. I like him. But That guy In the glasses and the grey leather jacket needs to get punched. Wipe that smug look off your face you stupid tired queen. Im not impressed.



Subject: .................
Date: Jul 04 2005 03:01:07 PM
Author: Apocalypse Dude

Ok



Subject: m
Date: Jul 04 2005 10:30:20 AM
Author: m

"but skating is lame."


Kill yourself now.



Subject: YES!
Date: Jul 04 2005 10:16:56 AM
Author: COOLIE2

that kid........ THE MAN~!



Subject: The 10-year-old kid
Date: Jul 03 2005 07:59:00 PM
Author: Kaxtie

I am in love with that little boy as of right now. If I saw him on the street, I would have to kick my own ass if I didn't hug him and never let go.



Subject: ..
Date: Jul 03 2005 06:16:59 PM
Author: ..

The boot thing would be cool if every other girl in williamsburg, LES, etc wasn't wearing the exact same thing. It's like a xerox machine for humans.



Subject: Ten year old and Dad
Date: Jul 03 2005 11:28:59 AM
Author: Nemo

That comment was so fucking dead on about the Dad. My dad's uniform has been a black t, jeans, and black tennis shoes since I was born. He still rocks that shit and he's a fucking chemical plant foreman.
There was an unfortunate mullet phase, though, but it was the 80's and we all had 'em.
That ten year old has so much fucking style you should fear for all your unborn daughters...



Subject: Amazing, i'm touched.
Date: Jul 03 2005 03:52:57 AM
Author: Seanthesean

"What a great fucking dad this guy is. He doesn't have gel in his hair or take snowboard lessons, he just fixes stuff, builds his daughter a seven-story doll house, and wears the five things he's been wearing since you were born."
It's nice to hear you boys say something nice about somebody for a change. Also, that 10 year old kid is pretty cool, but skating is lame.



Subject: cuck
Date: Jul 03 2005 03:14:16 AM
Author: fuck all yalll

that 10 year old is cool



Subject: you
Date: Jul 03 2005 03:10:50 AM
Author: hey

Why do you have to have to refer to her as a "bitch"?



Subject: drapey babe
Date: Jul 02 2005 08:22:25 PM
Author: spatulance

There's really not that much drapage. just the belt and the and dangleys and those horse hoof warmers.

Her too small shirt and jacket makes it appealing though and that little white part could be her underwarez which is hot

i think it wont let me say drap-ey cos it has the r word in it. kinda lame



Subject: ........
Date: Jun 29 2005 10:47:42 PM
Author: ........

first post - yeeeeeeeeeeeeehah!!



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