One of the worst things about passing out wasted is pissing yourself. Even after your pants dry they smell bad and make you feel like a loser. In order to avoid this you may want to just pull your weiner out and let it breathe. However, if your penis is a foreskin-heavy sausage roll you may want to endure the wet pants and let people continue to imagine it's more than a centimeter.





Not only is this first-year rug muncher the only person in the world with Pink Floyd Zoobas, her backpack says, "Sexuality is God's greatest gift." I don't know how you lesbians out there feel about this but us straight males are so turned off our dinks look like the passed-out guy's. Do you know what douche chills are? That's when you're enjoying some laughs at a karaoke bar and some American Idol gino in a wool hat gets out there and actually tries to be all sexy about it and you look down at your arm hairs and they're pointing straight up like if you were a fly.

One of the most neglected aboriginal tribes is the Motocross Muppet Babies of the Sudan. They're trying to raise awareness about their people by showing up at clubs looking so ridiculous we're like, "Ah ha ha look at his fucking hair... anyways, what are you guys all about?" Pamphlets ensue. You know, the worst part is I don't even think these guys are twins. Shit, they're probably not even gay. They're just two European fuckheads who love New York and are best friends with a girl and are riding the train because "it's hip-hop culture." How much would you have to be paid to endure their house at Christmas?

Are they fucking with us? Maybe I'm overestimating the power of Vice, but when I saw these I got the feeling they were thinking, "We know we make you cringe so how about this, motherfucker?" It's like when a junkie dad knows he's a piece of shit and you're like, "Dad, why you gotta be like that?" and he just leans back with blood spouting out of his arm and his eyes rolling back in his head and he just goes "Aw, go fuck yourself" and passes out. It's like they like to be hated.

Toronto girls have this weird raver curse where they seem kind of hot and fun to hang out with but then you look down and they're either wearing space boots or some kind of stupid leg accessory that looks like they're insecure but in the future. Aren't thugs at least a little self-conscious at the perpetual childhood that is their lives? Haven't they seen Baby Boy? They live at home, get spankings when they're late, and now they ride fucking toy motorbikes to school.

Not since the alchemists has one group of people been so determined to defy physics. For the last time junkies, you can't sleep standing up. If you want to take a nap go lie down on the side of the road. If you want all your problems to go away, roll over to the yellow line. OK, we're not saying you have to be like Edith in All in the Family but can you take it a little bit easy, please? You look like one of those girls that's so good at blow jobs you kind of get bummed out and lose your boner and then she's all, "What the fuck's your problem, asshole!?" (which isn't helping things).

“Aw fuck, Zorf was totally wrong. Earthlings don’t dress like geriatric gay Italians.”

“Will you shut up and just relax? We’re fine.”

The problem with dressing up as a magical Mad Max cyber-gypsy is, eventually you have to get on a bus and go buy cigarettes. There’s no dry ice filling the room with smoke at the 7-11. Just you and your stupid fucking stupid-ass face.
There’s something real special about looking at a beautiful landscape and seeing a nice lady also looking at a beautiful landscape with a big, beautiful landscape embroidered on her back. Oops, where’d she go? I can’t see her anymore.

Whoa. You probably don’t know this, but there’s this thing that moose hunters get where they see the beast but are too awestruck to shoot it. They just sit there frozen until it walks away. Luckily, Neil Simonton of Byron Bay, Australia, was man enough to aim his camera and catch this buck (possibly the heaviest DON’T in the history of Vice magazine) in mid-stride. “My heart was pounding after I caught him,” said Neil in a recent email. “It was a huge adrenaline rush.” Nice fucking purple trackies, you fat bitch. What are you, the fucking Michelin Man? Nice gay hat, too, you fucking little loser bitch.



Your email:
Their email:


Comments:

Subject: nyrynflt
Date: Jan 09 2007 02:35:55 AM
Author: nyrynflt

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Subject: ncbufwkj
Date: Jan 09 2007 02:30:40 AM
Author: ncbufwkj

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Subject: Heidi Birkenstock
Date: Feb 06 2006 09:30:11 PM
Author: Kitmeout

Heidi Klum, supermodel and wife of singing sensation Seal is now an international footwear designer too. Heidi Klum has recently finished her 3rd footwear collection for Birkenstock. This collection, according to Birkenstock, is her most glamorous take on Birkenstock sandals to date and includes:

Madrid “Diamond” feature metallic grained leather uppers in gold or silver appliqued with rhinestones and crystal hearts.

“Saphire”, Heidi‘s two-strap sandal features two-tone metallic leather uppers, adorned with rivets and rhinestones. This style is available in three colour combinations: gold/silver, pink/silver and green/blue.

All sandals had their traditional cork-latex footbed covered in matching metallic leathers and come with a silver plated <a href="http://www.kitmeout.com/blog/2006/02/07/40/" >Heidi Klum</a> pendant.

An objective on-looker might deduce that Birkenstock are moving away from their traditional “eco-conscious” and “green” customer base and are attempting to woo a new affluent and trendy customer who would easily empathise with the glamourous profile and, indeed, lifestyle of Heidi Klum and Seal. Let’s face it, the traditional Birkenstock customer has probably never even heard of Heidi Klum and is more likely to empathise with Ghandi or St Francis. So is this a conscious decision by Birkenstock to move away from their traditional “carrot-crunching” customer base or are they simply



Subject: Heidi Birkenstock
Date: Feb 06 2006 09:30:11 PM
Author: Kitmeout

Heidi Klum, supermodel and wife of singing sensation Seal is now an international footwear designer too. Heidi Klum has recently finished her 3rd footwear collection for Birkenstock. This collection, according to Birkenstock, is her most glamorous take on Birkenstock sandals to date and includes:

Madrid “Diamond” feature metallic grained leather uppers in gold or silver appliqued with rhinestones and crystal hearts.

“Saphire”, Heidi‘s two-strap sandal features two-tone metallic leather uppers, adorned with rivets and rhinestones. This style is available in three colour combinations: gold/silver, pink/silver and green/blue.

All sandals had their traditional cork-latex footbed covered in matching metallic leathers and come with a silver plated <a href="http://www.kitmeout.com/blog/2006/02/07/40/" >Heidi Klum</a> pendant.

An objective on-looker might deduce that Birkenstock are moving away from their traditional “eco-conscious” and “green” customer base and are attempting to woo a new affluent and trendy customer who would easily empathise with the glamourous profile and, indeed, lifestyle of Heidi Klum and Seal. Let’s face it, the traditional Birkenstock customer has probably never even heard of Heidi Klum and is more likely to empathise with Ghandi or St Francis. So is this a conscious decision by Birkenstock to move away from their traditional “carrot-crunching” customer base or are they simply



Subject: abc
Date: Dec 21 2005 04:53:12 AM
Author: stiele

I saw a lady walking around sydney with those shiny rhinestoney shoes on.

cringe.



Subject: re:natasha lyonne
Date: Sep 01 2005 07:22:45 PM
Author: Bubba Jones

On the nail. On the fucking nail vice.



Subject: Baby Bikes
Date: Aug 23 2005 12:30:06 PM
Author: Mike

I live in New Orleans and you can't swing a dead fucking cat without hitting some project-thug riding around on their little neice's bike. I've even seen forty year old drunks riding those things across busy streets to buy beer from the local market. They're loud as all hell too.



Subject: Zoobas
Date: Aug 20 2005 07:22:12 PM
Author: ry

My uncle actually has that same pair of Dark Side Zoobas.



Subject: Video of the Euro twins
Date: Aug 16 2005 06:22:41 AM
Author: lisa

ha ha what ugly stupid ugly cunts. saw the video. they call themselves duo artists, duo cunts more like.



Subject: fuck me very much
Date: Aug 07 2005 09:27:32 PM
Author: allways

fyouverymuch looks like a dolled-up dude to me
which means even better blow jobs



Subject: brasil
Date: Aug 02 2005 03:36:30 PM
Author: william

putaquepariu, sô brasilero, e nao entendi muito do que diz aí...



Subject: no
Date: Jul 23 2005 06:14:52 AM
Author: drey

"Not since the alchemists has one group of people been so determined to defy physics. For the last time junkies, you can't sleep standing up."

:-D HAHAHA..

By far the funniest comment ever on this site..



Subject: Video of the Euro twins
Date: Jul 22 2005 03:27:53 PM
Author: Sam

Hey guys i found those two Euro twins on IFILM.COM. Well they are not from Europe, they are from Isreal and are looking for an Arab lover. check out their video.


http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2674743



Subject: Glam Birkenstocks
Date: Jul 22 2005 10:10:06 AM
Author: amy

He-Man and She-Ra called. They want their sandals back.



Subject: ad-trocious
Date: Jul 21 2005 01:46:40 PM
Author: Johnny Juicepig

Is the Edukators ad on this page a don't?



Subject: "DOUCHE CHILLS"
Date: Jul 20 2005 09:46:05 AM
Author: ME

IS THE GAYEST PHRASE I'VE EVER HEARD. A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE IS THE ORIGINAL INVENTOR OF THE PHRASE TARD TINGLES WHICH HAS NOW SWEPT THE NATION. DOUCHE CHILLS IS A TARD TINGLE IN ITSELF



Subject: yep
Date: Jul 19 2005 10:16:22 PM
Author: Jaf

heh



Subject: Fuck u top girl
Date: Jul 18 2005 12:33:23 AM
Author: Smurray

Thats the sort of girl u just see and forget about instantly, unless your feeling self-rightious and you think, " I wonder if her Mum let her have stuff like that as a little girl ? " You start to wonder where and when its all gonna end when you see stuff like that bitch, but we all know, after a few, she would start to look like a pretty safe bet as a fall back to that hot blonde next to the bar you've been eyeing up >.



Subject: nice
Date: Jul 15 2005 01:50:50 AM
Author: D

Best Don'ts in so long!



Subject: tadpoles
Date: Jul 14 2005 12:33:06 PM
Author: Jake@

ya, toads on pocket bikes be all over Frisco.
They try to race me at stop lights all the time.35cc vs. 600cc....right



Subject: glam Birkenstock toe sandles
Date: Jul 14 2005 09:11:10 AM
Author: armie

You can get these abominations all throughout Asia for about $20 at fleamarkets or buy the originals for $60 at shoestores. They are HUGE in Shanghai (where I live) especially the solid white ones pictured in the lower right corner. To make matters worse it's mostly the guys that wear them.



Subject: Zoobas
Date: Jul 13 2005 04:52:01 PM
Author: Eazy-Ice

It's not spelled Zoobas, it's Zubaz.



Subject: Pot Kettle
Date: Jul 13 2005 11:07:50 AM
Author: Guido

These raver girls are insecure? Best to stop waving that shitty stick around before you get covered in even more I'd reckon...



Subject: dont hate
Date: Jul 12 2005 09:46:05 PM
Author: fhhf

If you take any of these don'ts and put 'But whatever, this still gives us boners" at the end they become dos.




Subject: sellotape
Date: Jul 10 2005 03:42:53 PM
Author: jack

you sellotaped him bob? I guess after that you jumped in the lorie and rushed over to marks & sparks for a hot cuppa.



Subject: Little dick Guy
Date: Jul 10 2005 11:55:53 AM
Author: Bob

If I saw some dude passed out with his cock hanging hanging out of his pants, I hope I don't sound like a cunt when I say this, but I'd piss on him or at least sellotape his cock to his belly so he pisses in his own face. Arf!



Subject: you really need to know why?
Date: Jul 09 2005 12:54:38 PM
Author: Emm Bop

I guess if the white people were all wearing nascar shirts with holes and guzzling budweiser it would seem fitting to call them rednecks.
That girl needs to wipe some of the greese and shine off her belly button and do some situps, once she actually has something to show off she wont have to distract people with lame vulgarity.



Subject: fuck YOU very much
Date: Jul 09 2005 03:38:30 AM
Author: great head makes my day

fuck you very much, that bitch is so a-grade that y'all just hatin' to look at her. yeah ok i admit that she does look like a i'm-so-hotter-than-you whore who gives great head and yeah she does look a little stupid pretending she's the shit on that phone BUT that shirt makes me love her. what can you say back to that? she just told you to to get fucked... very much. damn. "wife"



Subject: long lost
Date: Jul 08 2005 04:43:32 PM
Author: Hilda Beans

do all chubby, sleeping, poorly equipped white boys resemble this passed-out guy? or could it really be my ex?
can someone check his i.d.?



Subject: Those weirdos and that chick
Date: Jul 08 2005 04:28:38 PM
Author: whatever

Ok.. i was on the subway when those two fags and that girl were on the train. They are fags, and that flyer she has in her hand is for there art show. Those 3 gave me the creeps and everyone couldnt stop talking to them. whatever.. new yorkers!!



Subject: gil and moti
Date: Jul 08 2005 09:25:55 AM
Author: gil and moti

gil and moti



Subject: minibikes
Date: Jul 07 2005 10:30:22 PM
Author: eugene

I don't know why the heck these things haven't blown up here yet. maybe 'coz the ones that aren't made in italy or japan might as well be left tied to an arret sign with a twist tie through a montreal winter, but it's about time we saw some extraterrestrial hotdogger rodney mullening it down parc ave on one of these, then they might get the respect they deserve, or at least their full potential will be seen so we can all get over them and move on to the next pointless fad.



Subject: blow jobs
Date: Jul 07 2005 04:44:46 PM
Author: benjamin

that last comment was spot on. i hate girls that give good blowjobs.



Subject: Motocross muppet babies
Date: Jul 07 2005 04:19:23 PM
Author: cannedass

I recently visited Sudan where I immedietly ran into (in the jungle, of course!) one of these Motocross Muppet Babies. I realised that it was a mother and had a smaller, darker, moto x muppet baby baby hanging out of it's pouch. That's when the baby, covered in hotsauce, of course ,jumpped out of it's mother's pouch and ran towards me. It was holding what appeared to be a long, antique woden flute of some sort. The mother motocross muppet baby quickly ran after it and explained to me that this was an ancient tribal nigerian ass whistle that had been passed down to them from their family who had all died of aids earlier that week. They wanted to sell it so they could buy some crack to smoke and forget about the whole terrible thing.



Subject: ya...
Date: Jul 07 2005 02:47:53 PM
Author: Susie

okay i'm gonna disagree with the tori amos comment. those who have the obsession, hide it until the guy is in love. take this from a girl who does just that.



Subject: someone
Date: Jul 07 2005 12:08:59 PM
Author: else said it first

ha haha haha natasha lyonne!



Subject: Subways
Date: Jul 07 2005 01:09:29 AM
Author: Brad

Okay, the faux-twins on the subway are actually pretty fresh. It reminds me of some weird ass David Lynch dream sequence, where they would start dancing in synchronization with the subway lights flickering...as the girl they're with starts to strip while staring at you.
But seriously, I saw this girl with twin guys at a club once. Actual twins. And they were both wearing the same thing. If you ask me, it's a pretty sweet accesory for the urban girl.



Subject: Little dick dude
Date: Jul 06 2005 03:31:45 PM
Author: You'reHumanGarbagetoSoActLikeIt

This guy is a total do. Bum/Punks that just pass out in a park and remember to pull their peckers out of their fly so they don't piss themselves rule. Who cares about dick size anyway, what are you 13?



Subject: snazzy sandals
Date: Jul 06 2005 08:21:13 AM
Author: drtjam

A friend of mine has had these for a while now...when I told her they were a don't she looked quite sad and I saw a near tear fall from her chinky eye...I told her not to worry, that do's and don'ts depended on the writers mood anyway so a don't could well be a do at any time...didn't make her feel better tho



Subject: zoombaflumbard
Date: Jul 06 2005 06:57:06 AM
Author: ziggums hickup

the guy with his penis out in the rotting filth and garbage is the CEO of the largest corporation on earth, has two sisters with very large vaginas, and reads sumerian clay tablets in the bathroom when dumping exceptionally awesome turds. now who's laughing?



Subject: they are really gay
Date: Jul 05 2005 10:29:19 PM
Author: -_-

those guys wearing hot pink jackets,
first of all they are GAY. and they are married.
i dont know if any of you read any kind of papers,
but these guys are israelie artists who just did a 'live in gallery art show' in brooklyn about them trying to fall in love with an arab guy. they were feautured in the new york post.
and also, their matching 'ugly' look, thats like their signature.
they know that their hairs are not the coolest thing also.



Subject: That's Natasha Lyonne -- good job!
Date: Jul 05 2005 04:17:02 PM
Author: Mike Rappaport

I can't believe you guys got a pic of Natasha Lyonne - the American Pie star-turned-junkie. She is sleeping and walking! She is such a hilarious screw-up.



Subject: Vice = bankrupt
Date: Jul 04 2005 05:01:44 PM
Author: Hurt

"Pamphlets ensue" ?
What the fuck is that gay-ass fark.com shit?
Ugh!



Subject: uh
Date: Jul 04 2005 03:10:31 PM
Author: M-Murdah

not bad



Subject: fuck you very much
Date: Jul 04 2005 02:35:10 PM
Author: Do it!

For those kind of bitches, you just think of their sister sucking you off, then whey you are ready to go, pull it out and shoot it in her eye.

Then you tell he to hang up her fucking phone!!!



Subject: glamour birkenstocks
Date: Jul 04 2005 02:24:20 AM
Author: rebekkah

I saw the glamour birkenstocks in a magazine today. they were in gold and ugly as hell. I can't believe that people like that crap. it looks like something from zellers or something my mom might wear.



Subject: glamour birkenstocks
Date: Jul 03 2005 08:43:17 PM
Author: even better

They're like $400 bucks, they're advertised in the back of the NY Times magazine (where you usually find cut-price pashmina 1-800 numbers) and they were allegedly designed by Heidi Klum. How much worse can it get? Oh I forgot, seeing people wear them.



Subject: pleazzze
Date: Jul 03 2005 05:26:42 PM
Author: why

Why are the black youngesters "thugs"?

Should we refer to whites "rednecks"?



Subject: Canadian Girls
Date: Jul 03 2005 05:16:46 PM
Author: Lonely Up North

I know you folks want to salvage Montreal but seriously, this hippie/raver terrible style thing is epidemic all across the Dominion. Like, the prettiest faces, kind of a magical fairy vibe that promises really unihibited sex and amazing adventures on psychedelics but then you get back to her place and a couple of prominently placed Tori Amos cds and a Spearhead poster leave you feeling as though you'll never fall in love.



Subject: toy bikes and soul hands
Date: Jul 03 2005 11:37:10 AM
Author: Nemo

What size motor do those fucking things have? I've seen mini bikes but that's like a nanobike or some shit...
Notice the 'soul hands' on the the Yokey singer-
that's when you know your feelin' it.



Subject: cuck
Date: Jul 03 2005 03:18:51 AM
Author: fuck all yall

i LOVE it
i HATEEEE kareoke fucks like that
and the picture of the thugs? AHAHA



Subject: Douche Chills
Date: Jul 02 2005 02:45:37 PM
Author: sdf

The real name for this phenomenon is "tard tingles."



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