NEWSLETTER? HIER ANMELDEN





NIEDLICHE BABYS
GAYSTAPO
HIPPIE-FASCHISTEN
SKATE ISRAEL
COLONEL BUTT NAKED
I CALL BULLSHIT
FUCK YOU DJ
CRACKAVELI & D-IRIE
BLACK MOUNTAIN
PANDA PORN
KAIZERS ORCHESTRA

REGULARS:
DAS GLAS DES GRAUENS
DOs & DON'Ts
ELECTRIC INDEPENDENCE
FASHION 1
FASHION 2
GAMES
GRIMEWATCH
LIEBES TAGEBUCH
PICTURES
SKINEMA
TIDBITS

BACK ISSUES



Vice Magazine - 404 Not Found


Sorry, whatever you're looking for is no longer here. Or maybe you just entered it wrong? Anyway, click the image below to go back to the homepage.








1996
Ich fühle mich total scheiße, weil sie mich beim Klauen bei Bloomingdale’s erwischt haben. Ich wusste ja eigentlich, dass ich mit Chella nicht zur Mall hätte gehen sollen, aber dass es so lange dauern würde, ich hätte wirklich nicht gedacht. Ich fühle mich wirklich total beschissen. Im Auto haben meine Eltern nichts zu mir gesagt. Wir sind im Knast des Einkaufszentrums gelandet, sie haben mir tatsächlich Handschellen angelegt und dann mussten wir unsere Kleidung ausziehen, weil wir auf die Art alles geklaut haben: Wir sind in die Umkleide, haben die Sensoren abgerissen und einfach alles angezogen, aber dann hat uns eine Kaufhausdetektivin erwischt! Diese blöde Schlampe, sie sah aus wie Cruella DeVille auf Anabolika. Sie sah aus wie Bibo aus der Sesamstraße und war die fieseste Schlampe. Ich bin nur sauer, weil Chellas Mutter einfach nur sagte, „Nächstes Mal bist Du aber vorsichtiger.“ Sie hat so ein Glück! Es war sogar ihre Mom, die ihr das Klauen beigebracht hat. Das ist so unfair. Meine Eltern haben nicht gesagt, dass ich Hausarrest habe oder so, aber ich hab echt Gewissensbisse wegen meinem Dad. Ich werde nie wieder klauen.

2004
Das Schlimmste an dieser Nacht war, dass mein Vater und ich uns ziemlich lange nicht gesehen hatten, deshalb wollte er mit mir um 21.30 Uhr ins Kino, Toy Story ansehen. Marcella Capabianco (Chella) und ich sind gegen 18.30 Uhr in die Mall gegangen. Wir hatten riesige, dicke Polojacken und khakifarbene Jnco-Jeans an und haben so vielen Lagen Nautica-, Tommy Hill- und Polo-Klamotten in die Umkleide mitgenommen, wie wir tragen konnten. Ich habe sogar nur zum Spaß ein schwarzes Calvin Klein-Tanktop anprobiert. Als wir in Handschellen im Mall-Knast saßen, sah ich zu, wie die Zeiger der Uhr langsam auf 22 Uhr zurutschten, und fing leise an zu heulen. Die nächsten vier Jahre sprachen mein Vater und ich kaum miteinander. Sein kleines Mädchen war erwachsen geworden, zog sich an wie eine Schwarze. Ich schätze, das andauernde Schweigen auf der Heimfahrt im Auto muss irgendwie gewirkt haben, weil ich nie wieder bei Bloomingdale’s geklaut habe. Wenn ich ansonsten etwas geklaut habe, habe ich sehr darauf geachtet, nicht erwischt zu werden. Es ist bescheuert, einen Laden zu beklauen, der mit Sensoren, Metalldetektoren, Kaufhausdetektiven und Kameras ausgestattet ist, ohne so richtig zu wissen, was man tut. Wenn man ein Teenager oder jemand mit Down-Syndrom ist, dann sollte man sich an Tante-Emma-Läden oder die Geldbeutel von anderen Leuten halten. Ich erinnere mich außerdem daran, im Mall-Knast hinsichtlich meines Alters gelogen zu haben, dass ich gesagt hab, ich sei 15 und nicht 16, weil ich so Schiss hatte, dass ich vorbestraft sein und die Sache in meine Akte kommen würde. Aber was ist eine „Akte“ überhaupt? In der Schule hatten alle Angst vor „Dingen, die in die Akten eingehen“ und „wenn es einmal in Deiner Akte steht, wird es nie wieder gelöscht.“ So ein Scheiß, Akten sind Bullshit. Übrigens habe ich es sogar geschafft, das Calvin Klein-Tanktop zu stehlen. Ich hab einfach gesagt, es sei meins, und das hat auch funktioniert. Ich habe es immer noch, übrigens ziehe ich es auch ziemlich oft an.

LESLEY ARFIN



Your email:
Their email:


Comments:

Subject: Um....
Date: Oct 18 2007 09:55:44 PM
Author: Shannon

Okay, so, Bobby is definitely my prof right now and he's amazing.



Subject: that bobby kid.
Date: May 19 2006 02:41:00 PM
Author: Shawn Burns

i heard he still dreams about sperm filled donuts, then brings em to class and smiles while his students eat them. But that's between you and I. k?



Subject: you suck
Date: Nov 04 2005 12:04:25 AM
Author: GET A LIFE

seriously this is the worst journal i think ive ever read.

please go home and end your life.



Subject: i rock vice does not
Date: Aug 01 2005 11:23:56 AM
Author: who gives a fuck

uuhm yeah well idk what to think bout vice...i kinda like it and kinda think it is fucked up...just thought i would mention that...KU rocks...so does berlin



Subject: Triumph sez:
Date: Jul 27 2005 08:38:21 AM
Author: ichsageinermaschinedochnichtmeinennamen

The correct answer is: WHO GIVES A FUCK?



Subject: My Defence
Date: Jul 22 2005 11:37:44 PM
Author: Pumpkin

Speaking as Gavin's penis I must protest my innocence! I have never penetrated the lips of any staff member, except temps and they don't count.



Subject: relax
Date: Jul 22 2005 09:45:09 PM
Author: Kavalier

relax everyone...just relax



Subject: I heart Leslie
Date: Jul 22 2005 06:00:49 PM
Author: missbegotten

Dear Diary and The Do's & Don'ts are the only things worth reading in this issue. Vice is kinda sucking & why write a bunch of negative bullshit comments? Vice readers suck more than Vice.



Subject: ewww
Date: Jul 22 2005 05:13:48 PM
Author: ewww

I heard that gavin calls his penis "pumpkin"

Isn't that gross?

Do all the girls have to suck him off to get
a job at vice? or only the pretty ones?

ewwwww. pumpkin



Subject: who u know & who u blow
Date: Jul 22 2005 04:19:21 PM
Author: Managing Editor

You guys are a little harsh...lesly is the hardest working JAP in NY. Up at 9am to get the new article down to Gavin, on her knees at 9:30 to have him actually put it in this shitrag "zine". Life aint all gold bitches



Subject: dear diary
Date: Jul 21 2005 01:23:21 PM
Author: tucson

oh the humanity! i hope this person discovers the dark side soon. do people write in real books anymore or is this some kind of doogy(sp?) hauser MD laptop sex in the city diary? lets get back to the dream journal bitches...give me something good already, life is better than this! cheers.



Subject: huh?
Date: Jul 21 2005 11:55:07 AM
Author: Deadpan Walking

What does DIY mean?



Subject: Boom
Date: Jul 15 2005 05:10:10 AM
Author: Milo Steelfox

Why take the time to write a whole article then put jk instead of joke? You're so gay.



Subject: i think...
Date: Jul 14 2005 02:05:00 AM
Author: mr wendel

that lesley arfin is totally brilliant. i wish she was my best friend. id want to hook rugs and listen to make collages with her anyday, anytime, anyplace.



Subject: why bother
Date: Jul 13 2005 08:10:21 PM
Author: petunia the dancing tattoo

if it just takes cum-soaked desserts to intellectually stimulate this twat....

meh, bet somebody already beat me to it



Subject: what the hell is this crap?
Date: Jul 13 2005 07:46:12 PM
Author: dirty bitch

remind me next time to skip the article and go straight to the comments because i was laughing my ass off!



Subject: I'd rather document the smell of my shit
Date: Jul 12 2005 10:11:26 PM
Author: Bob

This reads like an episode of the Wonder Years but three times as shit



Subject: Snails & Straight Razors
Date: Jul 12 2005 08:34:36 AM
Author: Marlon Brandon

If I met a guy in a band called the Weebles Wibble Wobble or whatever ever it was ( I can't be fucked scrolling all the way up the screen) I would give that guy a hefty kick in the pills. And I just want every one to know that there is NOTHING "wacky" about sperm filled doughnuts. Its a very serious business!



Subject: dairy cow
Date: Jul 09 2005 12:59:43 AM
Author: spacy j.a.p.

the best part of this article is that it's shorter than that little dirty don't punks dick



Subject: shits
Date: Jul 08 2005 08:33:44 PM
Author: huh?

i wish i was in a shit ass boston band so i could score chicks like this



Subject: my fav
Date: Jul 08 2005 01:22:05 PM
Author: sydney

dear diary is my favorite



Subject: wut?
Date: Jul 08 2005 10:08:58 AM
Author: Cracklicious Chick

vice needs to search the internet for an online blog to make fun of each issue.



Subject: cute
Date: Jul 08 2005 10:07:25 AM
Author: captawesome

he. you're cute.



Subject: Winona Horowitz
Date: Jul 08 2005 02:27:08 AM
Author: gomba johnny

short hair makes me look less jewy!



Subject: Arfin
Date: Jul 07 2005 11:03:10 PM
Author: No Name

Lesley is getting a bit old now. In fact i think it's strange she kept a diary all those years. I tried to keep a diary once. I wrote 2 pages and realised my life is really fucking dull. So I stopped, because like why? Am i going to come back to this shit a decade later and publish it in some fucking magazine? Nope.



Subject: dont be mean
Date: Jul 07 2005 11:23:29 AM
Author: Mrs

i have just got sum scissors and cut my hair like her in the photo and it makes my face look a lot longer and more normal. sooo the-ere.



Subject: bla bla
Date: Jul 07 2005 02:10:04 AM
Author: ::: ... :::

I don't think anyone is going to bother to read this trough.

".... the smartest kid. I cut my hair. My life ...."

shite!



Subject: WHOO A HIGH POINT IN MY LIFE
Date: Jul 06 2005 02:10:25 PM
Author: Thesis Christ

I'll never forget the day I met some chodes from some shit-imploded punk band..because it never happened.

Don't they all wear different colored shirts and sing kid songs?



Subject: errrmmmm...
Date: Jul 06 2005 11:52:11 AM
Author: Jay

Yeah sorry love, but that really is substandard.



Subject: sdlkjdflkjfg
Date: Jul 04 2005 06:57:25 PM
Author: fdsfasdj

did her parents like buy a spot on the vice staff so she can keep sticking all this horseshit in the mag?


this chick SUCKS



Subject: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Date: Jul 04 2005 03:38:02 PM
Author: MikeSnake

SNORE!



Subject: JK
Date: Jul 04 2005 03:32:30 PM
Author: Al Franken

"jk, but half not." is called "kidding on the square"



Subject: stupid inside joke articles
Date: Jul 04 2005 06:27:54 AM
Author: chow hai

404 FUNNY NOT FOUND



Subject: fucking sucks
Date: Jul 04 2005 06:14:54 AM
Author: i cant believe i just read that shit

who in vice put this shit up its the most boreing thing I've read in vice.



Subject: cuck
Date: Jul 03 2005 03:11:02 AM
Author: fuck all yall

you just want an excuse to tell that story i doubt that its even a real journal entry

and by the way

NO ONE CARESSSSSS



Subject: eh
Date: Jul 02 2005 06:57:07 PM
Author: aisha

i read the first few sentences, but . . eh . . ill come back to it later.
BORESVILLE.



Subject: Barfin on Arfin
Date: Jul 02 2005 06:15:01 PM
Author: haterade

Lesley arfin is fuckin wacksville now, how much more boring can this shit get? I used to go straight to this after the Do's and Don'ts but now I hardly even bother. You should be fired. Seriously.



Subject: life has passed me byyyyyyyyyy at age 22
Date: Jul 02 2005 05:48:32 PM
Author: bitter old dude

must have been nice having older friends to get you into interesting things.



Subject: BORING
Date: Jul 02 2005 05:40:55 PM
Author: JOHNSON

YAWN



Post a comment:
(posts that are not on topic will be removed)

Name:
Subject:
Comment:





© 2005-2009, Vice Magazine Germany
| Site Design: Solid Sender