Grad school types and religious assholes want to convince us that assimilation is mean and racist and makes immigrants betray their cultural roots, but what if they're just really psyched to live somewhere that isn't an abject shithole?

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When guys get pass-out drunk, we all laugh along and go, “Aw, Ryan, you big oaf,” because men don’t have embryos and it doesn’t matter how polluted they get. When women get all Weekend at Bernie’s, however, it’s just not right. It’s like she fell asleep at the vagina and that makes all mother’s sons feel uncomfortable.

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Is it just me or does this guy’s extreme male facial cosmetics make you want to throw your hands up and tell him to take whatever he wants, just please…please don’t hurt us.
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