Jonathan Saunders is a pretty big deal on the phashion scene – a real fly guy, he even quit showing in London and had been quaking the catwalks in NYC for a while before returning this season. We went to crash this Saunders guy’s party and see what was up with the Beefeater’s Gin sponsorship and make out with old men.

Noki’s jacket says AIDS not Adidas on the back. Dangerous.

How could a party not be bitchin’ with these little bundles of pixie dust behind the decks?

This was the world’s most intense Martini man. While fixing us drinks he told us about the etymology of the word “cocktail” (the most plausible theories have something to do with inbred horses and Aztec princesses). He also informed us that Winston Churchill’s favourite drink was a Martini.

After that we got kind of bored so we had a few drinks with these chicks.

And then I licked a transvestite’s leg.

Then things got way boring so we snuck through what we thought was the kitchen, only to find it was actually a magical portal to a construction site full of fun!

Fire extinguishers! Yay!

Sand! Double yay!

Pretending to be on the phone, new wave style! Triple yay!

This is my lame attempt at being an upside down crucifix.

After all those drinks I really had to go, but there was no toilet in sight so I peed in this sink that I’m almost positive is used for food preparation.

Finally I found the one straight guy at the whole party, so I decided to take advantage of this rare moment and do a little tongue wrestling (even if he did look EXACTLY like the evil demon from Jeepers Creepers). His mouth tasted like fire.

After that we went back to the party, only to find that all the free drinks had run out. I tried to crawl behind the bar to steal more alcohol, but was caught but this woman dressed as a hairy prune.

That bearded chick was hitting on me all night. It’s like, get over it bitch. I’m not into beards.

WORDS: KARLEY SCIORTINO
PICS: JAMIE TAETE