John Rocha has been showing at London fashion week since forever. He works mostly with Debenhams now, but the press release for his new collection makes it sound like he’s the most forward-thinking, boundary-pushing, Obama Che Dick revolutionary fashion dude there is. I half convinced myself that I was about to witness some life-altering shit whilst reading about his “intensity and clarity of vision”, but alas, I didn’t.

Yeah, pretty.

Cool.

Whatever.

So as you can see, it was lots of neutral colours and pretty dresses with amazing shoes. The shoes were honestly very good – they were above average. Maybe Rocha should go into footwear. Maybe he didn’t even design the fucking shoes.

There was also some textured stuff like the stuff below, which frayed as the models were walking down the runway

The entire thing was set to a soundtrack consisting of three Beirut songs which I don’t know the titles of. It wasn’t the sort of music that made you go crazy for beige, or allowed the models to walk with any attitude, but I guess he doesn’t want that. I feel sort of bad, John Rocha is really cute and kind looking:

Actually, after that I am too bored out of my mind to feel any emotion other than bitterness, because I’d been all excited and then ended up watching off-white frilly dress after off-white frilly dress.

WORDS: BILLIE JD
PHOTOS: ZOE JENKIN