If you are a menopausal housewife in desperate need of some me-time, or a teenager with devastatingly low self-esteem as a result of your underbite, then I would recommend the Rankin Live! experience. It’ll blow the cobwebs from your self-esteem. It’s like glamorous, sexy therapy.

"One day people will be paying ME to do this"

The idea behind Rankin Live! is that superstar snapper Rankin gets a thousand people to pay him £50 to take their photo. Then he hangs them all in a gallery and some of the proceeds go to charity, even though not a single person there was doing it for any reason other than to get a photograph of themselves looking hot.

Everyone participating was asked to “dress to impress”, which they did, for the most part. In fact, I think I was the only one who didn’t spend a week on Net-a-Porter selecting my outfit. It’s still pretty good though, check it out…

Me: “We’re going for a futuristic look with a DIY twist.”
Rankin’s assistant: “LOVE. IT.”

We mixed the tin foil tube top with some high-end Acne trousers. I’m not very skinny but I was lubed up with nerve-sweat.

‘ERE WE GO!

Fancy a quick Rank?

The whole “our imperfections make us beautiful” atmosphere meant that no one had the nerve to get up and tell me I looked like crap, which was worrying. Half of the people there obviously thought they were going to get a modeling contract as a result of their Next Catalogue-esque portrait.

This is some of Rankin’s entourage. He rolls deep.

Chilled out chic.

We told make-up we wanted SUMFIN KERAZY!

This Liverpudlian make-up artist was telling us about how Nicola from Girls Aloud is a NUTTER!

“We haven’t had that many out there looks today. This one girl did write the lyrics to her favourite song all over her body in pen though. That was quite cool.”

“What song was it?”

“Some house song from the 80s about partying.”

This is when someone came in and said, “Whose idea was the make-up? Hello?”

Hmm. Shit look right?

I’m the same height as Woody Allen.

OMGOMGOMG, that’s Rankin on my right.

Hello, thanks for photographing me. Is Rankin your real name?
Yeah. Its my Christian name. My second Christian name.

So, your middle name?
Yeah. But in my family its a tradition for the men to be called John R, and to be called by their second name.
My dad was called John Rummage, so everyone called him Rummage. The only people who call me John are the police and my mobile phone network.

Do you think people who hate on you are just jealous?
I don’t really care. It doesn’t affect me. Although, there was this one guy who said something about me on the Dazed Digital forum and then I found out who he was, got his number, then called him.

Rising above it. What’s better, Vice or Dazed & Confused?
Dazed & Confused.

Why?
Because I own it.

We realised that when the lights were pointed at me you could see my pants through the PVC trousers. So I had to do the whole shoot holding my crotch. I was making a statement. This ‘aint fo sale yo.

What the fuck is this creature? Oh wait, its me.

I just don’t know which photo to choose, John.
I look so elegant in all of them.

I… I just feel a million dollars! Thanks Rankin!

WORDS: BILLIE JD
PHOTOS: JAMIE TAETE