Sometimes art and poetry can align in magical, unanticipated ways. Occasionally, the triumphs of human expression can surpass your wildest fantasies and touch on every sensory nerve ending in total bliss. This t-shirt represents such an occasion.

When this genius phenomenon stimulates all the prime faculties at once, its basically like a giant pentagram illuminated by purple fire on your freaking face. Its like three corners of the hot pink neon triangle of sight, sound, and touch have been galvanized with lasers and the head and heart just violently explode from the forces of beautiful truth. This beautiful truth is the perfect synthesis of piquant imagery and verse’s supreme mastership. Usually, this matrimony of imagery and word is crypted in galleries for folks to admire from safe distances. But, this time, you can say fuck off to that gallery shit and roll like an advanced professor of the poetic arts with this masterwork on your tits. Behold! It is NOW Midnight!

First of all, this font is flawless! It’s human. I can feel that fist gripped around the blackest sharpie digging out the best slash to make that G! Not to mention the awesome as fuck letter D and the slightly upside down crossed T. This is simple, direct and perfect craftsmanship of lettering. Bathroom wall style. Perfect!

Second, we have a super sexy demon-witch-temptress with dragon wings punctuated with talons, huge boobs, agape skeleton face in a summoning, half-curtsy gesticulation stance from inside a scaldy, steaming cauldron atop a red reversed pentagram! Awesome, fierce, and feminist! I am so happy she has pubic hair. I’m going to assume the artist is male because of the boob rendering being slightly on the fantastic size, but the shading for pubic hair tells me he has been to that nice place before. Plus, her hips, waist, and flowy hair are all sexy too. She also sorta has wispy bangs like Mischa Barton. Cute.

So, after all that kickin’ bunz art and delinquent font—which are inspirational and harmonious in every way imaginable—plus a little erotic wicked shit, we have the word “midnight.” It is always scary, even when uttered by the tiniest child or oldest of old ladies, and completely melds sex and evil into one abstract generalization for being up to no good. You know that is what we want here! It just gets better. This beautiful masterpiece now also becomes poetry when you exit the room and flash the back of this t-shirt. This is the most perfectly sweet precise refrain for an extra awesome fun-ass, awesome as fuck good time. How could anyone even possibly argue that if you can’t stop the vomit you are absolutely having the best friggin’ time of your garsh derned life? Way better than can’t stop the blood. Totally better than can’t stop the poopy. Remarkably smarter than can’t stop the pus. Profoundly surpasses can’t stop the drool. Although wait, drooling is totally fun.

ADRIANE SCHRAMM