Lagerfeld is Never Happy Anyway is a German documentary from 2000 when he was in his fat stage. Rather than post the whole hour long film with all the bits of boring old fashion, we’ve made a comic strip featuring the world famous fashion designer, not chatting clothes, but instead teaching the sort of fashion lessons that really matter, like how to use quotes from neo-Marxist icon Marcuse.

Like a lot of greats Karl is still worried he’s not good enough - that’s the reason Kurt Cobain killed himself isn’t it?

Hence the nut job piles of books.

Remember when you thought you could go everywhere and roll with everyone? Karl’s over that.

“Is a sign of personality”

Karl on mental health.

But he’s cool…

Gay dress designers tend to be obsessed with their mum or grandma. Famously Karl’s mum didn’t have much time for kids, instructing him to talk like an adult, saying, “You may be 9 but I am not.” Little Karl was a freak, instead of conforming to regular, rural German life, he learnt French and moved to Paris at 14. Fuck You normal people.

Many moons ago when I interviewed Karl, in the mansion you can see in these pictures, he had about eight plasma screens in some rooms. One of his major things was the pointlessness of stuff other than books or computers.

This was ages ago, how much longer do we have to wait for the world’s sharpest library staffed by models to open?

DARYOUSH HAJ-NAJAFI