With Valentine’s Day coming up, singles the world over are stocking up on chocolates and anti-depressants, but not you, surely. You, dear Vice fashion blog reader, probably have several hot dates lined up this Saturday, and if not you might already be plotting which pubs to check out for fellow lonely hearts. With spring coming soon it’s about time you threw yourself into the mating season along with everyone else. Whether you’re looking to impress a date or a date-to-be, the right outfit can be crucial in deciding whether your ass stays single or is getting some action. If the way to his or her heart is through your pants, you better make sure you wear a nice pair.

Tips for girls:

a) Classic cutie: The tight shirt and short skirt combo works every time. Keep the colour scheme simple – the poor guy will have enough trouble trying to focus on what you’re saying when really he’d rather be checking out your boobs.

b) Hot hipster chick: If you live in east London, presumably this is your best option. Pull up your American Apparel leggings over a racy lace underwear top and pop in a leather jacket. If you’re with someone, he’ll show you off like a trophy. If you’re still single you have just caught every male eye at the bar.

c) Innocent slut: You don’t fool me with those eyes, miss one-piece dress. Strapless, short and easy to come off: very fuckable outfit indeed. This dress will almost certainly induce dirty thoughts in the mind of the common male.

d) The wild card: Depending on who you’re on a date with, this outfit might be a stellar option. Say, for a shy guy this could be a great ice-breaker as at least you’ll have stuff to talk about. Also great for dating boring dudes as this type of outfit should guarantee fun and new friends everywhere you go.

A last quick word on what not to wear: anything unsexy is pretty bad. Anything implying that you belong to a sect or cult is another no-no and ideally your skin tone should not feature any shades of grey. Basically, don’t do what the girl below did.

I hope these tips were useful, feel free to name any babies after me that might be bred due to this valuable lesson. Tomorrow: best date outfits for boys.

All photos by www.glamcanyon.com