We’re in for treat at this year’s fashion week. We get to see hot girls who say they are 16 pretty much naked. Why naked? Well, “sheer fabrics” are also known as see-through nudity approximators. They are hot shit this year, according to Vogue. I’m having flashbacks to Rei Kawakubo for Commes des Garcons (chiffon and transparent PVC – Spring, 2007), which has been subtly touched upon in S/S 09 by Armand Basi and Fendi, to name a few.

Anyway, my flatmate and I are a bit drunk, so we’re making clothes. We thought if we kept them and wore them to fashion week parties we might become millionaires, and then we could cover ourselves in otter fur and call everyone ‘Darling’.

The above look is for the disco. I’ve called it “crotchless tights: upside down”. We thought we would design two colours – it’s a collection, see. That’s Amy at work making the black version. I had to show her how to make the first one – it’s pretty tough, you know

OK, we’ve called this look “day wear”. Ideally, the two are supposed to go together but we only had one plastic bag with arty shit written on it and I figure it’s pretty key to the look. I mean, Christopher Kane wouldn’t be our best mate if it was a Tesco bag.

We thought we’d also make a classy dress that you could wear to award shows. I tried to make a corsage on her right but I ran out of cling film. If anyone is worried about recycling, we are going to wrap our sandwiches in her sweat-soaked dress for the next few months. If any pervs want to buy said sandwiches, just ask.
ALISON SEVERS