Photo by Johnnie Craig
From the archives
Without daytime television, students would have an awful lot more time on their hands. They would have enough time to wash their genitals and cook nice meals and study more and sit around camp fires singing songs about carefree squirrels and stuff. Maybe the world would be a better place. In fact, the world would definitely be a better place. Unfortunately daytime TV will never go away, so for the good of the world we have made a definitive list of which programmes you should and shouldn’t waste your precious time watching. Thanks, us. No problem, world.
TELEVISION THAT SUCKS
NEIGHBOURS
Due to its scheduling this mundane tramp through Antipodean triviality will sort of act like your alarm clock. You are bound to have at least one housemate who insists on watching this every day so you can work out how heavy the night before was by whether you wake up in time for the midday or evening show. Nothing ever changes anyway so if you snooze through both it’s no big thing.
THUNDERCATS
You aren’t seven anymore. You don’t get up at 6 AM and eat four bowls of Coco Pops cereal and then doze off in the afternoon (well, we really hope you still don’t). Trying to re-live some lost sense of innocence by buying T-shirts and DVD box sets from HMV is pretty creepy. If you are not careful you will start playing Warhammer 40000 again and then you are one step away from becoming comic book guy from The Simpsons.
STAR TREK
By the time you live in your own house you have no excuse for not having Sky+. Once you get there you will soon begin to wonder why this is on almost constantly every day on about 15 different channels. It’s almost impossible to have a clue what is going on as they seem to have a total disregard for ordering and everyone looks like they have a cauliflower stuck to their heads. It might however have some kind of brainwashing quality as usually discerning people seem to fall under its spell like Xanax-dosed flies to a big glowing orb.
