STUDENTS 2009

Dos and Don’ts II

From the archives.

DOs

18

Getting laid at university is a bitch because girls can smell how horny you are—and it pongs. Have a good wank before you go out and just act like Mr. Gregarious Funny Guy that’s out for a laugh and eventually pussy will just fall into your lap. Remember, no vagina wants to be a member of a cock that wants her as a member.

25

One of the best places to meet people at a new school is in the bathroom. If they don’t have a magazine they’re often really bored and looking for something to amuse them.

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Posted on October 21st, 2009 | 2 Comments
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DOs & DON’Ts I

From the archives

DOs

11

There’s going to be a huge rise in Islamic students this year. There are lot of things you should know about this religion so as not to offend them: if you kill yourself for a good cause you will get prunes, women have to go sleep on the couch if they’re not horny, farts are sent from god to tell us about the motor car industry and if someone takes your picture your sons will be born with medusa dicks that writhe and spiral around singing Neil Diamond songs. So don’t do any of those things in front of them.

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Posted on September 30th, 2009 | 7 Comments

VICE CURRICULUM

No-one likes students, but the fact is they're the back-bone of pretty much everything fun in this blessed nation of ours, as booze and music and sex and drugs and learning are all that they do. We've given them a lot of advice over the years, and here it is, collated, filtered and digitalised, so that this generation of students will be the most know-it-all of all time.

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VICE STUDENT FLICKR

BECOME A STUDENT AMBASSADOR

Unless you are a real masochist, sitting crammed between two sweating lads on a cramped flight to Tenerife is not what your summer should be about – it’s about making the most of your time and having a bit of, dare we say it, adventure.

This summer, DB Bahn are planning to take you on a journey that will most definitely offer something different to the usual sun and sand and sandy sunburn affair. We are offering a trip across Europe on the train, for you and 3 friends, stopping off in Paris and Berlin and ending at one of Europe’s most spectacular dance festivals - Melt! - set inside a giant German coal mine.

What's more, you’ll receive a 10% off voucher for rail travel in Europe just for entering. So whether you’re planning an interrailing trip, heading over to a festival or you just want to see some of the sights this summer, you’ll have that little bit of extra beer money left over once your tickets are booked.

Enter the competition now and get your
10% off!

Student drunk girl

WIN A VICE STUDENT NIGHT IN YOUR CITY

Because most student nights are dry and full of pumped up RugSoc beefheads competition-drinking VK Ices, we are giving you the opportunity to win your own VICE student night in your University City. With music programmed by VICE staffers and cheap booze, there will also be the opportunity for you to get your face on viceland.com. It will basically own all other student parties.

To win, all you need to do is enter your email address and your University City below. The City with the most entries will win, and you will be invited to the party. GO.

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