THE SCIENCE OF THE CREATION MUSEUM

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The Creation Museum is a huge, fancy structure in Kentucky dedicated to teaching the world about “creation science”. Creation science, in a nutshell, is taking what is written in the book of Genesis literally. Even though what is written in the book of Genesis goes against anthropology, archeology, biology, zoology, geology, astronomy, cosmology, paleontology, and common sense-ology. Which, essentially, makes it a $27 million kid sticking its fingers in its ears and saying, “Nyah-nyah-nyah, I can’t hear you!”

People who believe in creationism seem like they’re probably going to be weird idiots who hate monkeys, but I only realized that Dennis Quaid and Bill Paxton weren’t the same person three days ago (seriously, it is BLOWING MY MIND; I feel like I’ve just taken the red pill), so who am I to judge?

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On the drive there, you go past this sign. Imagine how many cars full of wholesome Christian families must drive past this thing every day and have to not make jokes about it.

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Once you pay the entrance fee (an infuriating $22), you get to see this gem: a model of a little girl (who looks A LOT like a young Tracy Emin) just chillin’ by a stream with her adorable animal friends.

As well as DESTROYING the myth that humans and dinosaurs and squirrels never co-existed, it also does serious damage to two other left-wing lies: that velociraptors were carnivorous, and that polyester was invented in the 30s.

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But then it all sort of went downhill. The museum was (and, I’d imagine, always is) packed, and it took about an hour to make it through each room. Once you’d gotten over the whole “Haha, this place is dumb!” thing, there really wasn’t much to see. Just lots of crappy robotic animals and wordy plaques. I kind of zoned out for most of it.

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GOOD!

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This kinda looks like the walls in my room.

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This is a good example of how vague the museum’s facts were. Check out the part where it says “efforts to destroy God’s word have met similar resistance throughout history”. Er, what? I guess God wasn’t paying attention in year 8 when someone gave all of the goth kids at my school a free Bible.

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This was funny – it’s explaining why incest was okay back in the old days.

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This woman’s elbows explain why it is no longer okay.

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FUCKIN’ FINALLY, something I can relate to!

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This exhibit deals with how old, religious people are intimidated by youth culture.

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Confusing metaphor alert! This is a wrecking ball that says “millions of years” on it. What you can’t really tell from this photo is that it has just demolished a church. I’ve been thinking about this for, like, ten minutes now and I have no idea what it’s trying to say. Ideas?

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For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Bible: this guy was a TOTAL DICK.

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MYSTERY SOLVED! Adam DID have a belly button. No penis though. Weird!

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Raunchy!

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I’m not too sure what’s happening here. Pretty brutal though.

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Looks like Patti Smith isn’t too stoked about it either.

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Creationist humor. Geddit?!!??!

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And more! Zing!

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In case you were wondering, the reason there are different races is because of birth defects which caused early black people’s skin to discolor. See that picture of the brown couple with their white baby? That is proof of this.

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OH HAI THERE, CUTEY! I was too engrossed in this little guy to read about how he proves evolution is fake; I would guess something to do with “If there’s no God, then why does he have stripes?!” Whatever. Look at his little sad facey-wace!!!!

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The final part was the bit that explained dinosaurs. I’d been looking forward to this A LOT. But the information was so vague and so overwhelming that I left just as unwise as I had entered. Something to do with God testing us and people slaying dragons and “when was the last time you buried a dead relative with a crocodile?”. I have no idea.

The whole thing was kind of nice. It was like being able to go into a really, really expensive and thorough model of what a museum would look like in a world where science hasn’t been invented. Like that shitty Ricky Gervais movie where no one has invented lies yet. Kinda wish I didn’t have to pay $22 though.

JAMIE LEE CURTIS TAETE




Tuesday, February 9, 2010 at 11:51 am VICE US us
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Comments

Anonymous, on Jul 29, 2010 wrote:
these comments for the most part are wretched. Take your fucking arguments elsewhere. No one gives a shit you self-righteous bastards.
Anonymous, on Jul 21, 2010 wrote:
Am I the only one concerned how many times the word "retarded" is used?? It amazes me how rude and judgmental people are, there are alot of people out there that are in fact developmentally disabled and the word "retarded" is a derogatory term that is no longer socially acceptable. Everyone gets so hot and bothered about racial discrimination and discriminate against so many other people without batting an eye.

With that said...Not all Christians have their head buried in the sand and disagree with all science. I agree with those who have said that the bible never literally tells us how existence created, it just says that he did it. Who are we to know how long a "day" in God’s life is? For all we know a "day" to God is a million human years. For this reason the carbon dating system that we now use "religiously" could be true, who knows? However i refuse to accept that there was a big bang in the middle of nowhere, literally because nothing existed at the time, and that we evolved from a speck of molecules. Sorry
Anonymous, on Jul 18, 2010 wrote:
that museum sucks. but I am amused by atheists and christians arguing poorly. both seeming to hide behind insecurity and voicing it via comments? just a bit sad guys...look deeper into both your subjects and learn how to debate properly. both did a poor performance here.
Anonymous, on Jul 15, 2010 wrote:
I LOL’ed, it looks like that penguin is felicitating Adam.
Anonymous, on Jul 8, 2010 wrote:
Christianity being in harmony with science is such a joke Lol! Come on Adam and Eve being spontaneously made from mud yeah that sounds scientific. The Catholic church was in denial that the Earth was not the center of the universe or that the sun did not revolve around the Earth or that the Earth was not flat, but science proved it wrong on each count and will eventually prove there is no god and that the bible was mostly made up. It was inspired by Alien visitors who have been visiting our planet for thousands of years. Christianity only caught on out of convention because the ancients were sick and tired of worshiping so many gods, so to ease them into the concept of one god the trinity was formed. That’s why you have the father, son and holy ghost bull crap. It was to
ease the ancients into a transition to feel at ease with the idea of one god that was still like more than one that they had been used to, lol! You christians are such ignorant fucktards.
lovey, on Jul 6, 2010 wrote:
This is the best article ever.
Good for a laugh 60/60/24/7/52.
Anonymous, on Jul 5, 2010 wrote:
Anonymous, on Jun 24, 2010 wrote:
wow.. one thing i don’t understand is how atheists are ALWAYS so damnn cynical?? if anything it shows how good christianity is because it shows people how to run a world PROPERLY without one belief being sarcastic, rude or angry about another belief

Before you comment on the rudeness of atheists you should visit carm.org and read how christians talk about christians who are of different sects.
Anonymous, on Jul 1, 2010 wrote:
It’s not that I hate biblical views, I simply disagree and find them irrational. Many of religion’s beliefs and reasons are mediums for the unknown and one’s unanswerable questions in life to be stored.
Anonymous, on Jun 29, 2010 wrote:
your parents would be pissed if you bought real estate in imaginary places. I have 4 acres in heaven for sale, let’s make it $40,000
Anonymous, on Jun 28, 2010 wrote:
Religion will always exist because it is a pillow for the heads of people who can’t accept the fact that the chaos of our universe is constantly increasing and that we just don’t know everything. I’m a young college student and I have no intention on stabbing at what religion does for people. As far as the human’s will to believe goes, it can turn a person’s life around and put it into a good direction. I understand this and I respect it. A person naturally searches for happiness and builds bridges to get there, mentally creating help along the way. However, I don’t necessarily believe it is right. The main reasons why religion isn’t given up is because of what people are taught, tradition, and how many take ownership of their own entity through personal growth. Little do people know, EVERYTHING IS IN YOUR MIND. You don’t need the crutch of religion to lead you through things, just be confident. For one thing its important we do our best to become smarter and open to others. I find that a smarter individual has a much higher chance of being less oppressive as well as realistic when considering how far humanity has come over the years. What saddens me the most is an ignorant fool unwilling to even consider other options. You know the people who just say, "There is a god and your going to hell for not believing". They are usually pretty stupid and uneducated. Which brings me to the point of the matter...I believe that if people pondered this idea of this museum for a moment, even believers could agree that as far as hard proof goes that we came to a NEAR halt a long time ago to proving any god existed. On that note, we are still coming closer to proving things like evolution and what science has to offer. Process of elimination in this matter...dinosaurs with humans is absolutely ridiculous. Once again i’m not here to radically oppress...because that would make me just as good as someone jamming the bible down someone’s throat. Think about this though, if Jesus would’ve came along and told people to believe in an anthill or the moon, we would look to that. Think about how vulnerable, illiterate, uncivilized, and mistreated the TYPICAL person was at that time. Shit i would’ve believed anything. Look at us now! Be proud of what we’ve done. We have a stronger will to believe what we want!! Go forward and do it, but be willing to accept others beliefs (this is going to sound bad) because it will be the only way to move past religion and believe in ourselves. To just live life
Anonymous, on Jun 28, 2010 wrote:
You speak of Christians not being scientific. If you were to read and understand the definition of "science" then you would realize just how wrong you are. The biggest problem with people who do not believe in God is that they do not want to change their life-style. You wish to continue, stealing, raping, being a queer/lesbian, yes this means making false reports to make more money, or to sell a house to a person whom you know cannot afford to pay the mortage, getting shit faced and killing a bunch of people with your vechicle. I only wish to waste just one more minute on you by telling you "to rave on shithead, hell ain’t half full"
Anonymous, on Jun 28, 2010 wrote:
Maybe I should pretend to be god in mortal form and sell spot in heaven, I would be rich.
Anonymous, on Jun 27, 2010 wrote:
For God to be God, He must be both omniscient and omnipotent. However, both of these things are impossible. God cannot know the exact value of pi since its decimal portion never repeats and even if God had eternity to learn it, it would not be enough time. God is not omnipotent either, since He cannot make a rock too heavy for Him to lift. Since the conditions that would make God possible are, simply, impossible, so is God impossible. There, I proved God does not exist.
Anonymous, on Jun 26, 2010 wrote:
You actually have to be retarded to believe anything seen in this museum. Religion always uses "you can’t prove there’s no God", which is true, but we CAN prove that everything in this museum is FALSE and completely inaccurate, it has been scientifically proven ffs! People who stay true to creationism are either retarded, ignorant, brainwashed, or some American mash-up of the three. The level of stupidity on this planet makes me sick.
Anonymous, on Jun 26, 2010 wrote:
This is God. Dear Ray Puffenbarger, yes you are.
Anonymous, on Jun 26, 2010 wrote:
This is Ray Puffenbarger - disregard what I just said, I’m a moron.
Anonymous, on Jun 25, 2010 wrote:
Oh, by the way, my name is Ray Puffenbarger. I am not afraid to put my name on the record. In reference to the last entry which was mine.
Anonymous, on Jun 25, 2010 wrote:
Look, I consider myself a Christian and to be honest, not a very good one. However, every time I hear/see/read about an atheist who cannot help himself but to make snide remarks about Christianity, it makes my faith a little stronger. Not because I’m angry about the dissent, but because I enjoy rebelling. Rebelling against society that is; a society that nearly HATES Christianity. So keep on hating, it’s been this way for over two thousand years now, and it only makes us stronger. If you don’t believe me, then look for the book Foxe’s book of martyrs, it’s an inspiring story about Christian martyrs throughout the centuries. But I digress. I’m also very interested in physics, and as such, I find it very interesting that most physicists agree that advanced physics makes one of the best arguments for a god ever conceived. Don’t believe the lie that science and Christianity cannot coexist, they obviously do and will eventually meet in an indisputeable manner. Nonbelievers, go ahead and argue that the bible does not utilize science in it; you obviously don’t know the bible very well. Do some serious studying on the subject, and make that argument again. You will not be able to. Sure it doesn’t talk about vertebrates, quasars, photosynthesis, or solar flares, but try writing a book now that will make complete sense scientifically in, oh say, three thousand years. It won’t, and besides, the bible wasn’t intended to be a Scientific American publication.
Anonymous, on Jun 25, 2010 wrote:
I think I need to open a museum like this. I’d be rich and all I would have to do is make some dinosaurs out of paper mache!
Anonymous, on Jun 25, 2010 wrote:
ok this is the african replying to the reply.. i spent a few years of my life before i finally decided that there must be something greater than this for many things to be explained not believing in anything.. i understand perfectly well how easy it is to be an atheist because i continue to try to understand the thinking of the mind of one because i am surrounded by MANY in my life. there have been times when i have actually been christian when i’ve stopped believing for a moment because things didn’t quite make sense to me. here would usually be where i would start going on about faith and how that keeps you believing but i would be speaking to a wall because you don’t believe any of that to start with.. but what i’m saying is that i understand your point of view, i can understand how you create your own meaning of life.. and, in fact, i am completely fine with there being atheists and non-believers.. but the point is that i have yet to find the place where an atheist won’t immediately start arguing with me about how ignorant and stupid i am being for believing in something... but yes, i agree that just as there are angry atheists there are angry christians and i’ll admit that the bible speaks of accepting everyone and every belief in the form of "loving thy neighbour".. in that case i don’t approve of the way many christians behave either.. many miss the point of christianity. we’re supposed to be using Jesus as our role model, but instead everybody just gets angry when they are trying to defend their opinion. posts like this irritate me though.. if you don’t believe in what you are seeing then either don’t go to the museum or if you DO go, keep your opinion to yourself if all you’re going to do is be rude about it.. you’ll find that christians have as much reason to believe as atheists have not to believe..
Anonymous, on Jun 24, 2010 wrote:
Just gotta reply to you from Africa s an Atheist that used to believe in god. You use god as a way to make sense of all the crazy randomness that is life. I, however, have accepted the fact that life doesn’t have any meaning but the meaning that I make out of it and god just doesn’t fit in or make sense in my view of the world. Also, before you say that all atheists are "always so damn cynical" realize that that is completely false. Yes, there are some that could stand a bit more cheer in their life but seriously man, not ALL of them are. I know you feel the need to get it off your chest (just like the fact that I feel the need to respond) but also know that it’s not just the atheists and non-believers that are intolerant because I can’t count the times that Christians (who are supposed to love all but can’t tolerate homosexuals because the bible speaks against it) have harassed me for being an atheist. Christians can be ignorant, atheists can be ignorant we’re all pretty ignorant when you think about it and that’s why life is so interesting.
Anonymous, on Jun 24, 2010 wrote:
you are all really dumb!!
Anonymous, on Jun 24, 2010 wrote:
Ever heard of the big bang? or evolution? That’s how we got here
Anonymous, on Jun 24, 2010 wrote:
wow.. one thing i don’t understand is how atheists are ALWAYS so damnn cynical?? if anything it shows how good christianity is because it shows people how to run a world PROPERLY without one belief being sarcastic, rude or angry about another belief. my question to all you atheists is.. fine, if there’s no God, what are we doing here?? and where did anything that is everything come from? according to everything that is our realm, in order for something to exist it has to be made, or else it doesn’t exist. so... if there’s nobody out there, how are we possibly here? and fine, fight back with the "who made God" argument.. God is not of our realm. just because we need to be made to exist doesn’t mean that he does.. and fine, call me ridiculous, but that’s because you lack the understanding of how great God is.. and when you are christian it is no longer ridiculous because you’ve realised how small you and i and the whole universe actually are. what we are is nothing.. and the sad part is that i look at what you’ve written here and i see you laughing at everything there.. but i wonder, do you even know what it’s like to be a christian? what it feels like having hope that life means more than getting up day after day only to die one day and have it all be for nothing? have you even thought about the positives? you are so stuck on the fact that christians are a bunch of lost people flying on the back of turtles that your pride has taken you to a place where you won’t even give it a chance.. God has not been proven. but he has not been disproved either. the amount of time non-believers spend on religion is ridiculous.. you may as well start benefiting from it instead of sitting there angry and always ready to fight with the next person to open their mouth against what you believe.
i am 17 years old and from africa.. i’ve been wanting to say this stuff for a looooong time. and it felt pretty damn good.
i’m totally ok with you dudes being atheist.. but then PLEASE just leave the christians and their museums alone. we play fair. it’s about time you started being fair too
Anonymous, on Jun 23, 2010 wrote:
who created God??
Anonymous, on Jun 23, 2010 wrote:
I love your captions, which I think makes it clear where I stand. I’m so glad that the penis/ belly button controversy was cleared up. P.S. Patti Smith, be my bff?
Anonymous, on Jun 22, 2010 wrote:
To the person who wrote that long post on June 18th, 2010:

I just have a few things to point out. First, you try to smack down other people for their veiws, and you call them "stupid" or "retarded" because you don’t like what they have to say. I must admit, I find this rather hypocritical. Calling other people names give you less credibility, especially when your comments are not too different from theirs. Plus, it’s just rude.

Second, you tried to correct someone on their grammar. The other comment explained that the museum misused the word "Farther" in their religious opinion. Because it refered to time, the commentor pointed out that the word "further" would be more appropriate. He was right. You claimed that ""Farther" is correct here because it is an action proceeding from the present into the past. "Further" is the past participle, meaning it would be used to describe an action that happened in the past." That’s not quite true. Farther refers to a physical distance. From A to B is farther than from A to C. Further is used for figurative things, such as thoughts and time. You cannot physically move back in time as of yet, so you wouldn’t tavel "farther" back in time, you would travel "further" back in time. I just urge you to check on your grammar before you try to rip someone apart for his or hers.
Anonymous, on Jun 22, 2010 wrote:
Here is a little bit of scientific information that disproves the big bang theory and evolution (natural selection is true though) Second law of thermodynamics - all mater and energy in the universe goes from order to disorder . this is a universal law established by your non creationism science.
Anonymous, on Jun 22, 2010 wrote:
Here is a little bit of scientific information that disproves the big bang theory and evolution (natural selection is true though) Second law of thermodynamics - all mater and energy in the universe goes from order to disorder . this is a universal law established by your non creationism science.
Anonymous, on Jun 22, 2010 wrote:
LOL!!!! I want to go to this museum sooooo badly. I would laugh so hard. Hahaha Adam and Eve didn’t have any bad mutations so incest was OK. That actually makes a tiny bit of sense...although if everyone came from them, that means people evolved in 3000 years right? Uh oh...
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