I was on the isolated end of a small island near Tahiti; no one was around for miles. I decided to do some nude sunbathing. That was nice for a while, but I’d brought a Hawaiian sling on the airplane, which is a long pole, a rubber band, and a trident affixed on the end for spear fishing, so I figured I should use it.
Even if I hadn’t seen a girl in several days, the idea of catching a fish and cooking it for dinner sounded pretty romantic. I snorkeled out into the middle of the lagoon, kicked around leisurely, and enjoyed the breakers exploding along the edge of the reef. I was completely overwhelmed by the shades of blue. Soon I saw massive schools of fish and skewered one in the side, but just as I squinted through my mask to gauge its size, a gigantic mass lurked behind it in the distance.
I whipped around and started kicking for shore, but in my panic I snagged my leg on a coral head and the water became bloodied. I screamed a string of expletives, but it just sounded like a bunch of gurgling bubbles. Not only was I bleeding in tiger shark territory, I had a struggling fish attached to my pole. A wave rushed over and sent me closer to the reef; the tip of my cock grazed the fire coral. The horror took a few moments to set in. FUCK FUCK FUCK! I had filleted my cock.
Back on shore I watched my penis and leg bleed simultaneously. I howled in pain as I doused my wounds with alcohol and secured a strip of an old t-shirt with some duct tape. After experiencing the trauma of cutting my cock open I was thoroughly disappointed to see that the catch consisted of puffer fish, the ocean’s equivalent to the porcupine; completely inedible and poisonous.
I looked like an idiot bumbling around naked on a beach with a penis scarf, but fashion was the least of my worries. How shitty would it be to die from blood loss out the penis?
Sometimes girls see or feel that bump on my cock and ask about it. Usually I just tell them I cut myself shaving, because if they knew the truth they’d want to be taken out to a seafood restaurant to get in the mood to hear other shark stories, and let’s be honest, “lobster special” just sounds fucking expensive.
Tags: Coral Reefs, Filet O'Cock, New Sneakers, Penis Scarfs, Seafood, Snorkeling, Vacation From Hell
