If my grandma had a tag name, it’s got to be either “Don’t Let Cat Out” or “Watch for Cat.” She bombs the shit out of her crib with Sharpie markers just so the cat will never taste freedom.
The cat tags be everywhere. She has discovered every possible cat escape route that only an anxiety possessed, slightly morbid, grim, pandemonius imagination could visualize. Like maybe the cat could get out if it had a tiny spacecraft, balloons, or the super powers to melt into a liquid and trickle to freedom under the door.
It’s not always about the cat though.
Sometimes her tags get a little sexy, Salt-n-Pepa style, like “Push In.” Other times she’s like really a positive role model, like “Push Up.”
She can be folky and protesting against tyrannical household oppressors: “Do Not Turn” or “Do Not Push. Don’t!”
She’s got a bit of surrealistic wit in her too, as “Not a Hamper.”
She can be an encouraging yet unyielding with affirmations like “May Have to Pull Hard.”
When her tagging hasn’t quite penetrated sufficiently, she has been known to slap up Ziggy comics for enhanced emphasis. Ziggy stares from his comic, his butter face pooting a little beige fart into the psyche for shutting, closing, turning, or pushing incorrectly (or even thinking of letting the cat out).
If you should find one of her Sharpie tags in a previously undiscovered zone, it will seem like a personal message from a higher order of poetry or sorcery.
It can be the exact most poignant answer you could ever ask for: “….I WILL push UP and I will not TURN!” Sometimes her tagging arrangements can develop into haiku, or sentiments, with a tang of the erotic, ” Push IN to turn ON.”
There are sometimes fantastical wonders and suggestions of equine entities gathering nearby, maybe closing in on us spiritually, like this “Horses” tag.
Is she just fucking around with your mind? She owns these streets! She is all up in the pantry, tagging shit! And she might be so street that she’s developed deep code for her drug deals. Could this mean “500 mega kilos of crack cocaine crack crack crack crack is available?”
Or is it a witchy hex on those that may dare to let the friggin’ cat out? There is no escape, cat. You is owned. These streets belong to Gramma.
Tags: Don't Let Cat Out, Gramma, horses, Tagging, This is Not a Hamper, Watch For Cat
hahaha. what happens if you use the timer?
i think i feel worse for the cat than you.
MAD UPS!!!!!!!!!!!!
she should have kept a water gun with her when the cat was a wee kitty and blasted it everytime it got close to the door. that works like a charm.
This is probably one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. Pure hilarity.
just let the damn cat out. cats are good at dodging things and you can tell from the window view there is a field across the street. if i was the cat, i’d find one way or another to go exploring.
I used to have a neighbor who did the same thing. She spent her days spray painting the sidewalk in front of her house red, and then spray painting every crack silver. Every week there would be a new message or two on her sidewalk. Usually things about how none of the neighborhood kids could touch her lawn. She’s dead now.
Aww, Mammaw! This is so touching. As soon as I began reading this I wondered if Ziggy w/ octopus was still in place. I hope he is forever!
This is fucking hilarious! YAY!
LOVE THIS!!!!
wow that’s fantastic.
I heart you!
Oh, cats could be mad sometimes )
Looks to me like she just has some slow grandchildren that don’t listen.
Very touching story, it makes me think of my own grandma, though she was a poodle person, instead of cats.
I don’t know whether I’m reading too much into this, but what I see here is a woman who has been experiencing her memory slowly fading away, and thus started to leave notes for herself all over her apartment.
This post makes me sad.
you sure she doesn’t have Alzheimers or something?
I was thinking the exact same thing as JOnathan. Poor woman, and poor cat.
JOnathan, I thought the same thing. My opinion: more power to her. At lease she is attempting to help herself, instead of blowing up her house
I agree with JOnathan. It looks like she’s losing her procedural memory (rote memory) and eyesight since she had to write in the light switch names in bigger font than the labels that are already there. I feel bad for her.
Many of us, if we live that long, have a hell of a good chance of ending up like this. This fate scares me, but I’m sure the prospect scared plenty of people in generations past that had it happen to them anyway.
(In other words, we’re all screwed).
Some forms of mental deterioration can be significantly slowed and some (alcohol or medication related issues) are reversable. Get your grandma to a doctor with experiece with these issues. It may make the the diffence between her saying ” Hi Adriana” and “do I know you? you look familiar” Ihe’She does have Alzheimers medication may be able to significantly slow the progression. Record some conversations ask a lot of questions. There are many interesting things only she knows. Maybe some day your childeren would like to hear her stories.
You cope how you can, don’t trust your memory so much, tags make sense.
I think your gma is sick. Seriously. I think she needs professional help.
What’s really spooky is that there is no cat at all living there. No, just kidding. I actually understand where she’s coming from.
Fake viral. Go fuck your asshole
Dude this is just sad. You’re G-ma is certifiable.
PLEZ LET TEH FUGIN KAT OWT! -granmas kat
Hey Bill.
She’s more present than you with your advice.
woman is pushing a century.
I wake up to this and laughter , ty now off for coffee……
poor lady has alzheimers, leave yer grammy alone you malcontent
Come on! Tell her! The cats been dead for two years now! Just because you spray painted a soccer ball and told her the cat gained weight is no reason not to buy her glasses you cheap shit!
These little signs are just begging to be stolen, xeroxed, and made into a little zine by a Maggie Lee look-a-like.
500 mega kilos of ccccc
Much love to gramdma. May she get all the help she needs from the tags. ALL CITY
She may be doing all of this for herself if:
1) She’s aware that she forgets things, so needs the reminders.
2) Her eyesight is failing and knobs, switches, tags are hard to read.
3) Her OCB is getting worse.
I put a dot of fingernail polish on the USB symbol side of all my cords because I can’t see the black on black symbol.
Give granny a break.
And be careful not to let the cat out!!
(Does she HAVE a cat?? )
There is a word for this psychosis I can’t recall right now…
My friends mom did the same thing all over her place, only with 6’s on sticky notes. I still have no idea why.
Y’all gots it alls wrong.
Y’all think “CAT”, like “Meow”. What’s she really gots is a Cat, like in “Hip dude”, dig? She be one o’ those “saxual predaturs”, an’ gots da guy lockedup in da basemint, yo! Sumone call da poliece, whut!
Bitch all stupid an’ sheit. Bust one, yo!
Am i the only one that feels kinda sad… if it was just cat signs meant for other people id find it hillarious…
But most of them seem as just reminders to herself… maybe she is starting to forget things and she knows it?
Aww, the posters’ concern for your grandma is sweet. My grandma died before her mind could deteriorate
Why do I feel as though most of these comments are not from regular vice readers?
Or did the story of a forgetful old woman and a feisty cat hit a soft spot.
do not let the cat out and do not feed the cat after midnight
I must see this mystery captive.
wait, is there even a cat…..?
wow looks like Grandma got into the Communist Manfesto for Social Control… “signs, signs, everywhere a signs…” This also looks like a bit of over kill, either she has OCD or someone (the author) likes to send silly little sub messages through pictures. i.e. Obey, Submit, Do, Don’t. (Check “They live” the movie)
Looks like she’s got Alzheimer’s and is doing her best to live independently, so best of luck and much love to your Gran. So cool that she’s also a fan of that first Patti Smith album.
Is this one persons house? Holy crap… Don’t turn on the gas!