Welcome true believers and newcomers alike. Once again we find our hero Ron, better known around the Vice offices as the accounts receivable manager, using his super-powers of ironclad reasoning and supernatural deduction to solve an unfathomable mystery submitted by one of his dear readers. In this week’s adventure Ron addresses a troubled young person who wishes to flee the halls of higher education for a freewheelin’ life in California. Tallyho!
Hey Ron!
I want to drop out of college after this year and move to California with my dude Poptart. I have little work experience, but I believe I have the intelligence, ideas, and all that other bullshit people say “young folks” need to succeed in today’s capitalist clusterfuck of a country. Tell me, should I jump on the opportunity? Indiana blows, and no one understands me here.
First let me start by addressing this “Poptart” fellow. I like Pop-Tarts, but I don’t know if I ever want to date one. Moving on: Going to California without any job skills is the biggest mistake you can possibly make. All you’re doing is carrying your luggage with you. And with no education it could be your bags or somebody else’s bags. Maybe a shopping bag or somebody’s luggage; you’re still just carrying stuff.
I will say it again, because you seem uneducated and uneducated people like it when you repeat things: You not going to find yourself a job in LA with no skills. All that stuff about being intelligent and hardworking? Nobody cares. There are probably a couple million people out there just like that waiting for the opportunity to get a job they probably won’t get. There are people with master’s degrees making hotdogs and selling Chicken McNuggets right now, so unless Poptart is making all the money, you should just keep your behind right there and continue your education.
Now, after that last paragraph you might say, “Ron, you just told me to stay in school but then you said people with higher-level degrees are flipping burgers. What gives?” I’ll tell you what gives: The degree might not do you good now, but who knows what the future holds in two or three years. It’s always good to have that paper. There are lots of things people can take away from you. They can take your job, your car, your house, but they can’t take away your education. That is very important.
Love,
Ron
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Tags: Bad Decisions, education, Hey Ron!, Pop-Tarts, Stupid People
Goddammit, I thought his name was going to be Strudel.
i don’t know, ron. have you ever had one of the s’more poptarts? i might marry one of those.
he’s completely right
like anyone named “poptart” is going to be rolling in the dough (hardy har har).
i like the distinction made here between this guy’s name “Poptart” and the official name of the breakfast item “Pop-Tart”
i’m curious as to how this bro poptart earned his nickname. unless it’s his given name.
Los Angeles is the city of dreams for people that live in the fly overs. that’s why it’s full of hangers-on and people named poptart.
indiana does blow. she’s got a point there.
roy, ho!
Poptart is gonna get jackrolled by Post Toastem once he gets to LA. Stay in school and wait for some exotic flavored Doritos to sweep you off your feet.
ron’s right.
I love how people think life in LA or even NYC are the answers to tedium. There’s a reason why everyone turns to drugs out here, California just isn’t worth it anymore.
Why not just transfer - then you can do what poptart wants and get some paper.
Bullshit, there are plenty mugs without degrees working great paying jobs in and around LA. I’m one of them lol. But yeah it can be tough if you don’t know people I suppose kinda.
LA is great if you want to become a disillusioned shell of your former self in 10 years, surrounded by all things plastic and superficial. On the other hand, Indiana does blow, I suppose. My advice, set your sites a little higher. I moved to Asia 2 years ago under the pretext of teaching Engrish, and it’s proven a viable place to ride out this shit economy. But that “paper” will come in handy, so do yourself a favor and get that first.
There will be more Poptarts.
get an education in california! no big deal. indy is a cesspool of over-weight, uneducated white people. pop tart sounds adorable. make the move.
Poptart may be sweet, but you’re gonna get burned.