VICELAND TODAY

LEATHER DADDY TO BEAT LESBIAN IN UNCLE SAM’S HOUSE

Image source: Chicago Reader / Photo by Saverio Truglia

Being Canadian, I don’t really know how American politics work, but I still read more about them than Canadian politics because they’re so goddamn entertaining. The most recent bit of juicy Canadian political intrigue I can remember is “Wafergate,” in which it was alleged that our Protestant Prime Minister pocketed a communion wafer at a Catholic funeral. Scandal! By contrast, American politics are saucy as fuck even down at an insignificant level–especially in Illinois, where a prominent leather daddy stands poised to come from behind and beat a lesbian in some sort of election that is being held only for other countries’ amusement.

Read the rest of this entry »

RAPE KIT

When a band writes a song that’s titled so simple, so unapologetic, and with no room for misinterpretation, it’s incredibly refreshing. “Boys Who Rape Should All Be Destroyed” is about how boys who rape should all be destroyed. Yes! It’s by the Raveonettes and it’s a total Kumbaya vibe, but about hurting fucked up assholes with power trips instead of, like, God.

Read the rest of this entry »

SUICIDE NOTES ARE NOT COOL

If there’s one thing I couldn’t care less about, it’s soccer. That’s why I still don’t even know what this retard German soccer player who decided to jump in front of a train last week looks like (which is probably why I don’t get half of the jokes circulating among the guys in the office right now). Still, despite all my indifference towards this stupid phenomenon where 11 guys rub their bodies all up on one other while chasing a ball around a field, I am suddenly forced to care because the authorities from German media watch group FSM have contacted me, presumably because of Robert Enke.

Read the rest of this entry »

PSA: COOTER CUT-OFF

Alarming news from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists today: early-2o-somethings only have to have their cervixes (cervices?) checked out every two years, instead of annually. Hold up, there. Everyone knows that when you schedule your yearly girlie check up, you’re using it as an excuse to get yourself screened for STDs too. Like, “Oh, hey while you’re down there, why don’t you throw in a swab for chlamydia too?” It’s the vagina health equivalent of “You want fries with that?”

Read the rest of this entry »

BEERSHEBA BLOTTER: BAMBA BURGLAR BUSTED

Crazed for Bamba, aka בַּמְבָּה‎, a hungry 35-year-old bandit in Israel panicked when a gripping craving for the popular peanut-butter flavored snack struck in the middle of the night. All vendors were closed so he picked a convenience store lock and ransacked the place. According to the Jerusalem Post, he ate the contents of one bag and sauntered out, leaving the packaging behind. The next day, police arrested an enormous man with strangely saggy gray skin and big floppy ears who also has an extremely dextrous, protracted, peculiar nose that can trumpet sounds of triumph and pick a single blade of grass. He walks on all fours, sleeps standing up, and is afraid of mice.

AUSTRALIA - WANT TO INTERN AT VICE?

VICE Australia is looking for a sales & marketing intern to come join the team. Duties will include sales support, advertiser promotions, research, managing online content & blogging, event production and selling ads. You’ll work across the magazine, viceland.com, VBS.tv and our special projects division Virtue.

A good knowledge of youth culture and the online world are essential. Some background in media or marketing would be helpful, and an enthusiasm for all things VICE is a must. You will need to be confident, a self-starter, organised and have good computer skills. Most importantly, you’ll want to learn lots from our team and force us to give you a proper job.

The position is open for our Melbourne and Sydney offices, and is flexible in terms of days per week depending on your situation. It would suit a recent university graduate or final year students who’s biggest fear is ending up in an office cubicle, pissing your 20s down the toilet, along with your pride, potential for greatness, sense of self etc.

Email michael@viceaustralia.com with your details and CV.

POP VOX: STREET JUSTICE IN BARCELONA

I was just the other day thinking that it’s a bit weird that literally everyone I know in Barcelona has been robbed or mugged at least once in the last six months.But no one really talks about it anymore. I guess it’s a bit like living in a warzone or with monsoons–you’re so absorbed in rebuilding the family home every 18 months that the reason why ceases to be such a big deal. Still, 80,000 muggings a year in the old town (20,000 more than in the whole of London) points to something being seriously wrong. So, Barcelona… When was the last time you got robbed? Read the rest of this entry »

GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO THE NIGHT GALLERY

Night Gallery was the follow-up show to the Twilight Zone and featured Rod Serling in an art gallery, unveiling paintings that depicted the story ahead. I only know about it because it is parodied in a Halloween episode of The Simpsons. I don’t think it was as popular in the UK; over here we are all about Michael Aspel. Read the rest of this entry »

MEET THE NIERATKOS - CHRISTMAS… SO IT BEGINS

I’m not sure if you remember last year when I showed you the guy in my neighborhood whose house is covered with Christmas lights or not. But here it is again. Read the rest of this entry »

DRIFTING FOR A DAY

Gerald and John Beckett are known as Pete and Repeat, the two hobo brothers of Parkersburg, West Virginia. They’re 71- and 73-year-old retired nomads with identical hunched stances and scruffy white facial hair. They dress exactly the same as each other every day, walk along the highway for hours at a time with seemingly no destination, and are either virtuous Appalachian sages or completely bat-shit crazy.

Read the rest of this entry »