your mom


I like sex, drugs, rock and roll and books


COMMENTS BY YOUR MOM

On 2009-10-05 12:00:14, your mom, commented on this article:
So I guess this guy is some polish pop star. Is motocross steam-punk a common look over there?
On 2009-10-01 10:14:53, your mom, commented on this article:
Look at all the support I’ve received. Fuck you and fuck the word "fail". Also, I was totally fucked up when I said this guy was ok. He’s not. Far from it. Has anyone else ever heard of drugs fucking up your decision making? Its new to me.
On 2009-10-01 10:09:48, your mom, commented on this article:
Looking through the posts I see people are using terminology like "weak sauce" and "fail". You are gay retards.
On 2009-09-28 12:02:25, your mom, commented on this article:
fat kids are a bummer because you just know they lord over the house and call their moms bitches and eat tons of potato chips. Little Lord Fat-leroys.
On 2009-09-28 11:56:03, your mom, commented on this article:
she looks like she’s debating on spitting or swallowing a load
On 2009-09-28 11:54:05, your mom, commented on this article:
she could take the shine off a mirror with that dry, crispy hair
On 2009-09-28 11:47:47, your mom, commented on this article:
Dude, not cool
Dude, not cool
Its fuckin’ awwwwful
On 2009-09-24 10:12:32, your mom, commented on this article:
hey "fuckface"
Fail is in the dictionary? Here I thought it was just some word you guys made up. Wow, your argument is so retarded it makes me sad.
On 2009-09-23 19:18:46, your mom, commented on this article:
Face it, if a girl is fuckable she could be wearing late-term abortion on her head and still look fine
On 2009-09-23 19:15:04, your mom, commented on this article:
shaved wearwolf in a frumpy purple suit
On 2009-09-23 19:03:50, your mom, commented on this article:
I guess he does kind of suck
On 2009-09-23 18:22:55, your mom, commented on this article:
A shitty blowjob is like shitty pizza, even when it’s shitty it’s still pretty good.
On 2009-09-23 18:19:03, your mom, commented on this article:
LOVE when legs bow like that. Even when they stand up straight they never completely touch each other.
On 2009-09-23 18:13:13, your mom, commented on this article:
does that bitch have a microphone? "Free gash flashes if you have spikey hair and a striped shirt!"
On 2009-09-23 18:08:23, your mom, commented on this article:
By the way fucking losers this guy isn’t that bad.
On 2009-09-23 18:06:18, your mom, commented on this article:
STOP USING THE WORD FAIL!!! IT’S FRATBOY TERMINOLOLGY!!!
On 2009-09-23 11:57:20, your mom, commented on this article:
I’m really not into the gay stuff but if he was in the corner sitting in a tasteful barcalounger jerking off quietly and watching me fuck a chick, I wouldn’t be to creeped out.
On 2009-08-20 12:41:23, your mom, commented on this article:
I wish suicides upon all these people.
On 2009-08-20 12:29:14, your mom, commented on this article:
Dude in the middle has the kind of hair I would have given anything to have in the fifth grade.
On 2009-08-20 09:30:49, your mom, commented on this article:
I love the grandmother look. Especially when they are crying blood and smiling like this one.
On 2009-08-16 15:22:51, your mom, commented on this article:
That’s not Max Hardcore. He’s too flabby and there isn’t a girl puking on his dick.
On 2009-08-14 03:58:16, your mom, commented on this article:
So I’ve been drinking all night and doing coke and was about to hook up with this cute girl with big tits and a really nice smile, and all I needed for a boost of courage was one more stiff drink.
I order a Jim Beam and Coke and take a sipn’ and talk to her and then I turn around and the busboy snagged my drink and busssed it and I see some girly drink on the counter so’s I drink that and then the bartender is like "that’s gross, that’s not even your drink" and fucks everything up. Fuck her.
On 2009-08-03 08:47:19, your mom, commented on this article:
Ardrew Mcarthy face anyone?
On 2009-08-03 08:45:48, your mom, commented on this article:
This girl is a fake
On 2009-07-29 12:52:10, your mom, commented on this article:
Someone please, please, please kick this guy in the nuts.
On 2009-07-29 12:45:50, your mom, commented on this article:
Cutters make for the best lays. They are needy exhibitionists who will let you do meatholes.com level type nasty shit to them and usually have killer ’scriptions.
On 2009-07-29 12:33:39, your mom, commented on this article:
I don’t think these two are together. I mean, not that I’d be surprised to see a decent looking woman with a troglodyte. Couples like this are more ubiquitous then fire hydrants.
On 2009-07-27 12:10:16, your mom, commented on this article:
THE WORST!
On 2009-07-26 15:47:05, your mom, commented on this article:
the word asshole was invented for this dude
On 2009-07-26 14:58:09, your mom, commented on this article:
Someone make a movie about this guy.
On 2009-07-26 10:54:08, your mom, commented on this article:
Her clothes are sliding off of her. Even air wants to see her naked.
On 2009-07-24 12:09:13, your mom, commented on this article:
Is this Vice or The Tonight Show?
On 2009-07-21 12:32:53, your mom, commented on this article:
The Vice Guide to really old comics you will never read because they are tucked away in Mylar in some nerd’s closet forever
On 2009-07-17 12:24:42, your mom, commented on this article:
Are this guy’s teeth serious?
On 2009-07-10 14:03:52, your mom, commented on this article:
I don’t know about anyone else but when I see pictures like this I want to kill myself. It reminds me that I’m a fucking loser who comments on Vice.
On 2009-07-10 13:52:36, your mom, commented on this article:
English people have never been very good at protesting. That’s why they still have a monarchy.
On 2009-07-10 13:46:48, your mom, commented on this article:
Hot pink hate crimes are this summer’s way of feeling refreshed without having to swim or eat some gross ice cream
On 2009-07-09 11:47:29, your mom, commented on this article:
Howdah? where did you find that word? That’s more obscure then calling someone a lamprey
On 2009-07-09 11:28:09, your mom, commented on this article:
Alt porn rocks! are you kidding, the only thing better then watching morons screw is watching morons screw who think they aren’t morons
On 2009-07-08 22:44:13, your mom, commented on this article:
"n1ggers smoke dirt weed - it’s a fact"

does anyone else have any thoughts on this matter?
On 2009-07-08 12:35:22, your mom, commented on this article:
Ack! My man’s arm is dissed!
On 2009-07-08 00:07:39, your mom, commented on this article:
I wake up now and dry heave until I puke yellow bile and blow out capillaries on my face. Kill yourself headaches, black diarrhea, even bled from an orifice or two. Oldness blows.
On 2009-06-28 08:28:49, your mom, commented on this article:
I said I sort of feel sorry and in the same breath that I’m tickled by the event. I mean, it’s never cool when someone kills themself. And I’m not lying either, it’s all over the internet.
On 2009-06-27 14:04:44, your mom, commented on this article:
Good news everyone! As of this morning Johnny Ryan has been pronounced dead do to a self inflicted gunshot wound. Last Monday he disapeared and no one at Vice was able to locate him. He shut off his phone and wasn’t at his apartment. His mother found his body in her garage at eleven fifteen this morning and notified the police. Here’s the best part. In his suicide note he mentions all of the negative feedback he received in the Do’s and Don’ts and how that contributed to him killing himself. I kind of feel sorry but at the same time I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little tickled.
On 2009-06-27 13:49:16, your mom, commented on this article:
larvson? rufiomania? Holy shit, I think I shut them down.
On 2009-06-26 17:36:42, your mom, commented on this article:
rufiomania and larvson both think they "get" Johnny’s captions when in fact there is nothing to get. Not only are they unfunny but he takes like whole weeks off from writing them. Which isn’t a bad thing since I don’t have to be disapointed daily but as a result the comments start to fill up with "wacky" people like larvson who spend all day at home on their computers and treat every comment like a thesis. It’s a fucking comment assholes you don’t need multiple drafts. Oh, and rufiomania? Your pic sucks.

P.S. Miss you G@vin
On 2009-06-25 12:25:05, your mom, commented on this article:
ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING WORD "EPIC"!
On 2009-06-25 12:08:17, your mom, commented on this article:
Dear Larvson,
Fuck you.
On 2009-06-24 21:17:25, your mom, commented on this article:
Thanks for responding in a halfway sane manner larvson! I honestly didn’t think you had it in you. But I think your deflecting the question I posed (what makes Johnny funny?) with insults and nonsensical blabber. By the way, what kind of drugs are you on and how can I get some?

P.S. I’m getting a chick vibe from you. Do you have a vagina? (I don’t mean that as an insult, just curious)
On 2009-06-24 19:01:41, your mom, commented on this article:
How about you cool down and explain to me why Johnny is supposed to be so funny. I don’t hate him or wish him a painful death like ninety percent of the other posters on this site but I would like to know why Vice is so into his shit, because I don’t get it. Oh, and Larsvon, could you try and keep the phony/faggy phsychotic rambling down to a minimum when you respond?
On 2009-06-24 18:10:18, your mom, commented on this article:
ENOUGH WITH HOT GIRLS DATING LOSERS! You may think that guys look at you two and think "oh well, she’s with him because he must have money or something" but in actuality when you walk down the street holding hands with some dink who dresses like he’s on a play-date we think "Oh, she must not like to read or something."
On 2009-06-23 12:35:23, your mom, commented on this article:
Wow. No one likes Johnny’s jokes. Vice likes to think that all of the people who post on their site are adolescents and over-thirty porn addicts whose opinions don’t matter. They probably think all the Johnny hate is funny and aren’t even considering for a second what effect having the least popular contributor write for the most popular section could have on the magazine.
On 2009-06-18 13:01:35, your mom, commented on this article:
Best Do ever. This is like three years old but I think about it every day. I’ve still never fucked a fatty but after hearing it described as "like eating a big meal after you’ve been chopping wood all day." I’ve now kept the option open for a fat girl. Thanks Vice for changing my perspective on shit.
On 2009-06-18 12:52:53, your mom, commented on this article:
It’s fucking raining so much I want to shoot myself. The worst is hearing everyone bitch about it and seeing men carrying umbrellas and wearing stupid rain hats.
On 2009-06-17 18:10:07, your mom, commented on this article:
Um, aren’t avalanches made of snow? It’s sunny and the guy has his shirt off. Is it so hard to come up with an awful pun for rockslide?
On 2009-06-17 18:01:18, your mom, commented on this article:
I read that at Vice they think everything Johnny does is perfect, from his comics down to the irrate emails he sends them bitching about deadlines and stuff. I think I speak for the majority of your readers when I say, "What the fuck, Vice?"
On 2009-06-17 17:02:20, your mom, commented on this article:
How come there isn’t one post on how this caption makes zero sense? Are you afraid you’re missig the joke or something? Cause you’re not, there is none.
On 2009-06-16 13:38:37, your mom, commented on this article:
I had the Freddy Kruger glove and I’d chase my sister around the house with it saying "You’re mine now bitch!" with that rough voice that Robert England would use in the films.
On 2009-06-16 12:01:01, your mom, commented on this article:
"i bet this dude has a really horrible record collection and london calling is trapped in the middle like a musical prisoner of war."

Funniest thing I’ve heard all year
On 2009-06-15 12:20:43, your mom, commented on this article:
"omg houndstooth was like so last year"

Houndstooth is timeless. every two years fashion girls try to kill it and fail. I don’t even know why, its a fucking pattern. How about we focus on things that need to die like neon sneakers and over-sized sunglasses?
On 2009-06-15 12:10:22, your mom, commented on this article:
Here we go. Johnny Ryan in true form. Unfunny penis and vagina jokes. Johnny if your reading this, smoke whatever you smoked when you came up with that first Don’t (the one about the sleeping subway guy) these kind of Hustler Humor jokes make me feel like you wear khakis and are afraid of girls.
On 2009-06-14 15:42:50, your mom, commented on this article:
This depresses me in a good way, like a David Lynch movie. It would be better if she were crying and the dude was dressed in a suit though.
On 2009-06-14 15:37:08, your mom, commented on this article:
I love bendy girls like this. Are you kidding! She’s so cute and flexible you could fold her up and put her in your pocket. Not to mention the contorted sex you and her will have, you could eat and make out with her at the same time!
On 2009-06-14 15:29:36, your mom, commented on this article:
That’s Jade from America’s Next Top Model! I used to watch it with an
ex-girlfriend and Jade was the biggest, most gaping-est cunt ever on that show. When she was voted off she did this "spoken word" thing where she snapped her fingers all slow and beatnik-like while she rectited a shitty poem.
On 2009-06-14 15:16:06, your mom, commented on this article:
The Misfit’s skull is so everywhere on everyone that I’m quite sure that this is the last guy on earth who wears one and actually knows what it is.
On 2009-06-14 15:05:09, your mom, commented on this article:
I always wonder what woman think when they see an ugly girl with an attractive man (not that this guy is good looking or anything). When its a hot girl and an ugly man we think "money" and that’s only if we think about it at all. It’s so common to see the ugly-dude hot-girl combination that most of the time I just walk right by without noticing. But what about the reverse? I know what guys think, that he’s lazy or was a virgin before he met her. But what do girls think?
On 2009-06-13 14:32:16, your mom, commented on this article:
Oh, I was confused. So he’s actually writing the Do’s and Dont’s. I thought he was just drawing in the margins. Now I’m even more confused though because yesterday’s caption was actually awesome but today’s is more like the retarded subject matter of his comics. I can just picture the spaghetti- limbed Fantagraphic wannabe strip he would barf out of his pen to accompany this joke.
On 2009-06-12 20:48:58, your mom, commented on this article:
Listen to me, just like Ronnie says, "Be my little baby, baby my darlin’. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh."
On 2009-06-12 18:32:10, your mom, commented on this article:
I was like, Do? Ms. Piggy face and a wigger? Then I scrolled down and saw the "What the?" purple pants. Just because some frat-boy shit his pants and had to wear some girl’s doesn’t mean he’s fashionable.
On 2009-06-12 17:05:01, your mom, commented on this article:
Oh no, Johnny Ryan is going to scribble his rertarded comics in the margins for an entire month thus ruining the coolest part of the magazine (The Do’s & Dont’s) with the worst part of the magazine (The shitty comics). I’d rather read Garfield then the stuff they publish.
On 2009-06-12 12:29:37, your mom, commented on this article:
I wish I had five faces for them to sit on.
On 2009-06-12 12:27:12, your mom, commented on this article:
Put your fucking tongue back in your mouth. Later on Sugar Daddy is going to be like, "Do that thing with your mouth that you did when that photographer stopped us in the street... mmmmm, yeah that’s it." and then he’ll jam his cock down his throat full force.
On 2009-06-11 12:15:29, your mom, commented on this article:
When guys go all out and start "fully indulging" late in life they wind up doing things like this and fucking things like that. If you are in your early twenties and are not high, oversexed, drunk, and on probation right now go out and do something about it.
On 2009-06-11 12:04:06, your mom, commented on this article:
wrong
On 2009-06-11 12:03:53, your mom, commented on this article:

"Look again, ladies and gentleman..

That’s not a girl. Thats a (gasp) boy!
That my friends is your garden variety day time tranny. a sub species of the night time tranny, the day time tranny feels confident enough in his female persona to venture out in the light of day amongst the sober and hard working citizens of "day world".
But day tranny will still blow you in a bathroom stall if the price is right.
Bet on it."
On 2009-06-11 11:50:00, your mom, commented on this article:
I didn’t even notice he was in Japan at first.
On 2009-06-10 11:54:03, your mom, commented on this article:
this guy is high on "the American subway system" and northing else
On 2009-06-09 14:37:39, your mom, commented on this article:
you think he bought that jacket to the stylist and was like I want this pattern in my hair? I think he did.
On 2009-06-09 14:00:44, your mom, commented on this article:
look at the guy in the Old Navy outfit off to the left. he sucks so hard he’s creating a black hole
On 2009-06-09 13:54:45, your mom, commented on this article:
Dear Vice, every single girl you ever fucked you will lament when you’re older because by then you will either be stuck with one broad or all alone.
On 2009-06-09 13:51:21, your mom, commented on this article:
if David Lynch made Being John Malkovitch
On 2009-06-09 13:37:31, your mom, commented on this article:
"using "don’t" in the do’s and don’ts is an epic don’t douchebag"

Using the word "don’t" to describe something in a column called the "Dos and Don’ts" is a don’t? How about we just focus on the fact that you used the word epic to describe something. Try using that word next time you go out. I’m trying to help you here! also douchebag is another faggy thing to say.
On 2009-06-09 13:26:16, your mom, commented on this article:
The BBC sucks. Boosh is overrated and Fawlty Towers is so boring i fell asleep during the first episode.
On 2009-06-09 13:23:48, your mom, commented on this article:
"i dont understand, she looks really really normal. like i honestly can’t tell you what is laughably ridiculous about her. she’s wearing a black coat and sunglasses. PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS!"

It’s not the ensemble but the way she assembled it. Also killer expression that says she licks assholes.
On 2009-06-09 13:14:39, your mom, commented on this article:
There’s some comic in/on? this site about how this guy saw a dog locked in a car sitting in the passenger seat like this except it was also honking the horn with his paw like he was all impatient for his master to come back. I think its the funniest thing ever.
On 2009-06-09 13:07:33, your mom, commented on this article:
sorry, "Hi I’m me. Are you here with anyone? No... how did you find out... oh, just walking by and heard the music... Listen, I’m sorry but this party is for my closest friends... So?I can have forty closest friends... Look I don’t know you so you have to get the fuck out of my appartment now."
On 2009-06-09 13:03:04, your mom, commented on this article:
Can you imagine if this guy showed up at your party? You’d have to covertly ask evryone at the party if they knew him and then have to approach him and be like "Hi! I’m me
On 2009-06-09 12:59:54, your mom, commented on this article:
Know what I hate?? People who hate Am Appy. What, you hate plain T-shirts? What’s next? Hating jeans?
On 2009-06-09 12:52:46, your mom, commented on this article:
His son started a fashion company three years ago that fell apart after they spent all the investor’s money on parties and cocaine. His dad hates him for it but he’ll be damned if he throws away a nice hoodie.
On 2009-06-09 12:46:15, your mom, commented on this article:
Know what’s awesome? That girls don’t expect us to be this in shape. If they want some shaved, sleek, toned dude like this they are probably girl homos or gross big sun-glasses chicks anyways. Girls have to take laxatives and pills and kill themselves with Yoga in order for us to even think about fucking them. We can eat what we want and have beer bellies and they still date us. Here’s the catch. We have to make money (a lot of it)and work so hard it feels like every day is a hangover.
On 2009-06-09 12:32:52, your mom, commented on this article:
Seriously. This is the hottest girl in the world.
On 2009-06-09 12:31:34, your mom, commented on this article:
Why is the one on the left with those two? She is greatest thing I’ve ever seen in my life, better then the time I saw Van Gogh’s sunflowers at MOMA on shrooms. The other two look like the kind of people your sister would hang out with. If she was like "why don’t my friends come with us?" I would tell her I only have enough coke for he two of us.
On 2009-06-09 12:09:05, your mom, commented on this article:
I remember once I was at a shitty punk show and this dude kept moshing and pushing people and pissing everyone off because it was actually not very moshy music. He pushed me and without even thinking I punched him in the face. It was such a good feelng and some girl saw me do it and fucked me later on that night.
On 2009-06-09 12:04:03, your mom, commented on this article:
Weird girls are the best for you. They usually have drugs and will introduce you to a band you never heard of before. Once you have sex with them they will do something crazy like tell you to facefuck them or lick your asshole. Normal girls are bad for you because you have to go on "dates" and sex is all sacred and you’ll wind up watching T.V. for the rest of your life if you marry one.
On 2009-06-09 11:47:07, your mom, commented on this article:
Scroll downward for one of the most nauseating arguments ever posted on the internet. Dear Vanessa and T-Dog, what are you even arguing about? Whether its cool to post or not? But you ARE posting. By the way Wes Anderson is a hack who stole all his ideas from J.D. Salinger.
On 2009-06-09 11:32:04, your mom, commented on this article:
HA! There’s no picture up yet and I’m posting
On 2009-06-09 03:04:24, your mom, commented on this article:
Why are the comics on this site so retarded? Everything else is pretty funny so what’s with the retarded comics? Fuck.
On 2009-06-09 02:45:46, your mom, commented on this article:
"not an extra from fifth element. chris rock from fifth element."

That’s not Chris Rock that’s the dude from Friday in The Fifth Element. I know its hard to tell them apart, I thought this guy was Levar from Reading Rainbow. That reminds me of the time I went to rent Dave Chappelle’s stand-up and they gave me Chris Rock by mistake. I thought it would be fun to go back and call them racists and maybe get a free movie but then my girlfrind said "Look, I’m sure some lazy n*gg*r just wasn’t doing his job and put the wrong DVD in the wrong box."
On 2009-06-09 02:29:23, your mom, commented on this article:
I can watch just about any porn without feeling too bad for the girl. They are getiing paid for it and can say stop at anytime. Candid shots and upskirts freak me out because it could be your sister or girlfriend or something. Plus this guy isn’t getting ass in his shot and she isn’t even hot.
On 2009-06-08 12:17:56, your mom, commented on this article:
ACK! These two again! Think of how depressing their home life is... like right after she’s done cleaning the bathroom he makes her blow him and she cries while she’s doing it and... why am I getting hard?
On 2009-06-08 12:11:00, your mom, commented on this article:
She isn’t a freeman she’s a fish speaker.
On 2009-06-08 11:53:43, your mom, commented on this article:
p.s. her hand’s are beautiful?
You are a homosexual.
On 2009-06-08 11:51:52, your mom, commented on this article:
Know what I don’t get? The debates that rage on this board about whether or not some dude is a chick or not. Just use your fucking eyes. If you can’t pick out a drag queen sober... fuck, you are going to get blown by so many fags.
On 2009-06-08 11:39:27, your mom, commented on this article:
I hope this guy’s son’s stupid fashion company dies an ugly death.
On 2009-06-07 11:35:02, your mom, commented on this article:
I hate this guy. If I saw him in real life I would seriously tell him to kill himself.
On 2009-06-07 11:32:28, your mom, commented on this article:
Dear Vice, you can’t put fuckable girls in the Don’t pile. It means your worried about what they look like not-naked and that is for queers.
On 2009-06-07 11:20:34, your mom, commented on this article:
So fucking true. Half the time I’m embarrassed by what my penis likes.
On 2009-06-07 11:16:33, your mom, commented on this article:
So, matching couples, creative facial hair and being a fat slob is a Do? Fuck that give me my rumbling, unshaven, thin hipster couples.
On 2009-06-07 11:07:31, your mom, commented on this article:
How stupid is being homeless? Oh, you can’t find a home? I see homes all the time on my drive to work. What’s wrong with those homes?
On 2009-06-07 10:59:33, your mom, commented on this article:
Why is her skirt so wet? Gross!
On 2009-06-07 10:55:50, your mom, commented on this article:
Pate? Where do you get these words?
On 2009-06-07 10:52:34, your mom, commented on this article:
I was trying to figure out what Cancer Boy’s tag said by turning my head sideways when I realized what I was doing and had to punch myself in the face
On 2009-06-07 10:42:13, your mom, commented on this article:
"Joey Fatone has really let himself go."

Pointing out someone’s celebrity likeness and then saying "has really let himself go" makes me want to MURDER!
On 2009-06-07 10:36:19, your mom, commented on this article:
The funny thing is that guys like this think they look tough when I bet if you pointed out how stupid they looked to them they would go home and cry.
On 2009-06-07 10:22:16, your mom, commented on this article:
Are you kidding Mr.Old there is loving her. Old guys love young pussy! It doesn’t matter what it’s wrapped in.
On 2009-06-07 10:18:15, your mom, commented on this article:
Lamprey? the parasitic marine animal? That makes NO sense.
On 2009-06-07 10:11:19, your mom, commented on this article:
she is looking for the text from the coke dealer and he does not know that "she is gonna spend the night and the after hour after he goes home after the two stellas he drinks while posing for the GAP"


What? make sense!
On 2009-06-04 23:02:03, your mom, commented on this article:
Who thought of the VHS Tea in the first place? What is it that gets you high?
On 2009-06-04 22:48:55, your mom, commented on this article:
unfortunately these are the kind that typically know how to deepthroat
On 2009-06-04 21:42:40, your mom, commented on this article:
Messy hair is a dead giveaway. A girl has to be funny, smart, crazy (i.e. fuckable) in order to have messy hair. Seriously, girls are obsessed with hair, the only thing they worry about more are their tits.
On 2009-06-04 21:29:52, your mom, commented on this article:
"what is a hot foot? shitting on his feet?"


what am I the only one who read MAD magazine? A hot foot is when you stick a match in some poor shmuck’s shoe when he’s not paying attention and then set it on fire. Do I have to explain whoopee cushions next?
On 2009-06-04 21:21:08, your mom, commented on this article:
You laugh now but she will one day become God Emperor and send her legions of Fish speakers after you
On 2009-06-04 13:38:56, your mom, commented on this article:
The word "epic" is such a don’t that it feels like a tapeworm in my belly when I hear it... don’t even think "epic fail"

On 2009-06-04 12:19:29, your mom, commented on this article:
If you gave him a hot foot you would have a better chance of the flame igniting the laces and traveling up his leg
On 2009-06-04 12:10:04, your mom, commented on this article:
It took me like three seconds to write that before all the other posts were up. Losers
On 2009-06-04 12:09:07, your mom, commented on this article:
As the official first poster I welcome anyone to try and top the caption... brilliant
On 2009-06-04 12:03:55, your mom, commented on this article:
This guy loves pockets! He’s got like six around his neck like a talisman (and his sweatpants have some so I don’t know what Vice is talking about)
On 2009-06-04 11:57:53, your mom, commented on this article:
"the only reason you even rank girls by numbers is because you’re brainwashed closet fags that couldn’t find a real girl attractive because your brain can’t interpret face recognition patterns for the opposite sex. thus you just claim to fap to the airbrushed models in maxim magazine. ugly girls are ugly, no doubt about that. but if you were really straight, you could get hard too and fall in love with these so called "5’s" with no problem."


Women fall in love through the ears and men through the eyes. That’s just the way it is.
On 2009-06-03 12:05:11, your mom, commented on this article:
"i like getting blowjobs from dumb girls because right when i’m about to cum i think "my dick is the smartest thing that’s gone through her mind all day."

Wow. Dice Clay is posting here now.. Cool... Nursery Rhymes next, please.

I agree with those who pointed out the tight skirt pulled up too high. This chick is a nerd-ette.. You couldn’t pick her up unless you pretended you had some of those big Dr. Who action figures at your place..

Hey diddle diddle, the girl you want to diddle doesn’t understand your joke.
Something, something, something, blah blah blah give her a line of coke"
On 2009-06-03 11:54:13, your mom, commented on this article:
Yesterday I sprained my ankle so I have nothing to do but chew pills and comment... and still I stared long and hard at this picture and could think of nothing that wouldn’t be completely obliterated by this hilarious caption.
On 2009-06-02 12:56:58, your mom, commented on this article:
I think they’re hot and if they are as naive as these outfits would suggest I could tell them I was the mayor
On 2009-05-30 02:00:15, your mom, commented on this article:
rock out with your cock tucked
On 2009-05-29 22:31:16, your mom, commented on this article:
Let’s play guess which drugs ruined his life. I’m saying acid with a touch of cocaine.
On 2009-05-29 22:23:06, your mom, commented on this article:
Someone who broke down cool to its chemical components.
On 2009-05-29 22:15:57, your mom, commented on this article:
"I can’t wait to be bored by this cat’s opinions on the war."
Wow don’t mean to make you feel like killing yourself but if you think you can pass a joke off as your own in the exact magazine... fuck it, you should.
On 2009-05-29 22:10:47, your mom, commented on this article:
I call it the early millennial midriff exposure backlash. It works when they hug the waist just right but acid wash? baggy? and a wedgie? C’mon Lady!
On 2009-05-29 21:46:04, your mom, commented on this article:
you are exhausting. the joke is that they randomly sat down next to each other wearing the same outfit. They are together but have no way of sitting next to each other. Thus, the joke is killed, fuckface.
On 2009-05-29 11:42:34, your mom, commented on this article:
Talk about stressed denim! These pants need some xanax. Wakka wakka wakka!
On 2009-05-29 11:29:37, your mom, commented on this article:
Its funny how you can tell when a women reaches the wrong side of 35. Her glow goes away, things fall, and she starts dressing how she wished she had when she was twenty.
On 2009-05-29 11:24:04, your mom, commented on this article:
It doesn’t make it better. It just kills the joke. Fuckface.
On 2009-05-29 11:08:33, your mom, commented on this article:
What? What’s the deviancy? Are you hinting at facials, prom fantasies, fouling up JAPS? C’mon, Vice! Be more clear.
On 2009-05-29 10:49:23, your mom, commented on this article:
What does every commenter on this site have an MFA? Then and than? Fuck you and the picture sucks because its staged.
On 2009-05-29 09:39:37, your mom, commented on this article:
That lion is protecting his taco from the hungry eagle. C’mon Lion! You have more then enough to share.
On 2009-05-29 09:34:34, your mom, commented on this article:
whoops. I spelled you’re like your.
"I’m smart! I can handle things! I’m not dumb like everybody thinks!"-Fredo Corleone
On 2009-05-29 09:27:47, your mom, commented on this article:
This caption sucks and so does the picture. C’MON VICE! Your better then that.
On 2009-05-29 09:21:23, your mom, commented on this article:
Look at the way the shadows behind the lettering look. I’m an artist and I can’t do that! Is it as amazing as I think it is or is it something any retard with an airbrush can do? Seriously, I’m asking.
On 2009-05-29 09:04:26, your mom, commented on this article:
Since when in the fuck were guns and chicks not cool? Maybe double-D girls in American flag bikinis firing off AK-47’s in the middle of the desert is a little silly, but it never stopped being batch material.
On 2009-05-29 08:45:12, your mom, commented on this article:
WARNING! Joke killer. They are obviously together. They are sitting on opposite sides because there is no way to sit side by side on that fire hydrant pole thing. I’m so smart that I realized this all by myself.